夥伴遊戲
The Game of Partners
1/17
「你曾說過，看似互不相容的人結婚，就像是在彼此懲罰對方。當我讀到這句話時，我覺得它完美地描述了我的處境。你能否給我一些實際的建議，告訴我該如何擺脫這種困境，我該如何行動，又該如何思考？」(Note: 此處保留引號以呈現對話)
“You said that seemingly incompatible individuals marry as if to punish one another. When I read this I thought it described my situation perfectly. Could you give me any practical advice as to how to find a way out of the situation, what to do and think.
2/17
「我曾無數次試著改善我們之間的關係。有時情況會略有好轉，但那效果總是短暫；隨後，我就明白，我與妻子根本就是格格不入，我應該試著與另一位女性建立關係。於是我選擇了離婚。我真心希望徹底結束這段關係，但由於牽涉到共同財產，現實狀況使我無法迅速且順利地以最小損失完成計劃。」(Note: 表達了當事人對現實阻礙的無奈)
I have tried many times to improve my relationship. Sometimes things get better but the effect is always temporary, and then I understand that my wife and I are just fundamentally incompatible and I should try to build a relationship with a different woman. I have chosen to get a divorce. I really want to end the relationship but there is shared property involved and so circumstances prevent me from carrying out my plans quickly and smoothly with minimum losses.
3/17
「有時候，當我憤怒到極點，準備當下就結束一切時，無論結果如何，關係卻似乎會莫名改善；但不久後，一切又陷入混亂。從 Transurfing 的角度來看，我究竟能採取什麼措施來改變這種情況？」(Note: 表達求助與對矛盾現象的疑慮)
Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason, but soon after, it all kicks off again. What can I do from the point of view of Transurfing to change the situation?”
4/17
事實上，多數離婚案例僅因雙方拒絕接受彼此的本來面貌而起。你或許覺得這解釋不妥，認為我會證明其錯誤，但那你就大錯特錯了。(Note: 強調接受個體原貌的重要性)
It is true that the majority of divorces come about for the relatively trivial reason that the partners involved refuse to accept each other as they are. You might be thinking that this explanation is wrong and that I will show you why but you would be mistaken.
5/17
這並非關乎誰對誰錯，而是缺乏覺察——這正是生活中那些瑣碎衝突的平凡卻關鍵的根源。(Note: 說明覺察的重要性)
It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. Awareness, or rather the lack of it, is the one banal yet key cause of conflicts that seems to arise over the trivial things in life.
6/17
煩惱其實反映了覺察能力的不足。在非清醒夢中，夢境自然發生於夢者身上；他們未意識到自己所見僅僅是一場夢，因為已完全沉浸在這個遊戲中。同理，那些在覺醒世界中如同沉睡般生活的人，對外界任何刺激的反應彷彿一隻牡蠣般消極。理論上，每個人都懂得每個人有權保留自己奇特的個性和怪癖，哪怕這些與我們不同，也無需刻意改變；然而，大部分人只有在被直接提問時，才會意識到這一點。其他時候，煩惱的觸發完全是無意識的。(Note: 用夢境作比擬探討覺察與煩惱的關係)
Annoyance reflects a lack of awareness. In non-lucid dreaming the dream just happens to the dreamer; they are not aware that what they are seeing is just a dream because they are so totally absorbed in the game. In the same way, people who are living asleep in the waking world react negatively like an oyster reacts to any external irritant. Everyone understands theoretically that each individual has a right to their own weird personality traits and eccentricities and that they are not obliged to change if they are a little different to us. Yet most people are only aware of this when they are asked about it directly. In all other cases, the annoyance factor is triggered unconsciously.
7/17
那些在覺醒世界中如同沉睡的人，無法容許自己或他人保留真實的自我。他們建立起依賴關係 (Dependent relationships) ，這種關係會引發極化 (Polarisation)，並喚起平衡力量 (Balanced forces) 的風，促使性格迥異的人走到一起，藉以抵消彼此之間的差異。(Note: 強調依賴關係如何引發極化與平衡力量的作用)
The type of person who is asleep in the waking world cannot allow themselves or others to be themselves. They create dependent relationships which generate polarisation and evoke the wind of balanced forces which brings people with diametrically opposed personality traits together in order to cancel out the dissimilarity between them.
8/17
除此之外，當你感受到各種品質上的極性時，擺錘 (Pendulum) 會誘使人採取行動，導致更多的煩惱。你可能注意到，有時候你的伴侶似乎故意做些惹你生氣的事，但請記住，多半情況下，他們並非有意而為。其行為受那個想進一步激怒你以便吸取你煩躁能量的擺錘 (Pendulum) 影響。(Note: 說明擺錘如何利用你的煩惱獲取能量)
In addition to everything else, sensing a polarity of qualities, pendulums induce actions that cause even more annoyance. You may have noticed that sometimes your partner seems to do things deliberately to annoy you. Be aware that in the majority of cases they are not conscious of what they are doing. Their actions are influenced by a pendulum that wants to annoy you even more so that it can then feed on the energy of your irritation.
9/17
你在信中寫道：「有時候當我生氣、覺得要立刻結束一切時——不論當時情況如何，關係卻會莫名改善」，從而表現出你對極化 (Polarisation) 運作方式的描述。(Note: 引用來自對方信件的實例)
You illustrate how polarisation works in your letter when you write: “Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences, the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason.”
10/17
當你同意「不論當時情況如何」時，就像放手般低聲說道：「就讓它燃燒吧！」在那一刻，極化 (Polarisation) 的效應被削弱了；平衡力量 (Balanced forces) 的風勢逐漸平息，而擺錘 (Pendulum) 也暫時放過了你，於是關係便暫時改善了。(Note: 描述放手後關係暫時轉好的現象)
When you agree, “whatever the circumstances” you let go your grip as if saying: “Let it burn!” In this moment, the effect of polarisation is weakened; the wind of balanced forces quietens and the pendulum leaves you alone. As a result, the relationship temporarily improves.
11/17
更精確地說，性格相似的人反而比性格迥異的人更容易不合。換句話說，當人們說「我們不合適」或「我們的性格相撞」時，其實真正的意思是「我們無法以本來的樣子接受對方」。(Note: 強調不合適實則源自對彼此本真接受的缺失)
It would be more accurate to say that people who are similar in character are more incompatible than people who are very different. Translated into the language of fact, when people say “we are not compatible” or “our personalities clash” what they really mean is “we could not accept each other the way we are”.
12/17
事實上，性格互補的人不僅能夠，而且應該能夠和諧地生活在一起。平衡力量 (Balanced forces) 之所以能將性格正好相反的人促進在一起，正是為了維持現狀。你也許和我一樣知道，有些伴侶在長期關係中多次分手，每次都認為分手極為嚴重，收拾行李、摔碎盤子、焚燒家族照片、撕毀結婚證書，並進行其他同樣激昂的儀式。每一次戲劇性爆發都伴隨著可怕的誓言，聲稱這次是真的，決不回頭。然而，風暴過後，雙方戰士冷靜下來，再次共同生活。(Note: 描述短暫爭鬥與和平共處的反覆循環)
In reality, people with opposite characters can and should be able to live happily together in harmony. There is a reason why balanced forces bring opposites together thereby supporting the status quo. You may know, as I do, of couples who have split up many times during the course of a long-term relationship, each time believing the split was serious, packing suitcases, smashing plates, burning family photographs, tearing up certificates of marriage and carrying out other equally as inflammatory rituals. Each act of drama is likewise accompanied by terrible oaths that this time it is for real and there is no going back. Yet the storm subsides and both warriors calm down and go back to living together again.
13/17
如果參與者能夠放下自我，從舞台退到觀眾席上觀察自己共同生活的表現，這些伴有擀麵杖和盤子的衝突就能避免。至少其中一位伴侶必須如此做到。(Note: 鼓勵以旁觀者的角度審視共同生活)
All these conflicts armed with rolling pins and plates could be avoided if those involved could step down from the stage into the auditorium and observe the act, i.e. their life together from a different perspective. It is essential that at least one of the partners do this.
14/17
為什麼雙人共享的生活像是一齣戲劇？因為每個人都扮演著某個角色： “我會扮演這個角色，我會做這個，也會做那個讓你惹怒我的事。” 人們全心投入這齣戲，以至於不自覺地像在覺醒中沉睡般行動，生活似乎自然而然地發生，無論他們多麼努力，也影響不了劇本的運行。(Note: 比喻說明人們如何無意識地被既定角色所束縛)
Why is a life shared by two people like a play? Because each takes on a role: I will be this person and I will do such and such, and such and such that you do irritates me. People become immersed in the play and behave without conscious awareness as if they were sleeping in the waking world. Life ‘happens’ to them and so they are incapable of influencing the script however hard they try, and try they do.
15/17
還記得你小時候模仿大人的遊戲嗎？不同於成年人，孩子清楚知道一切僅僅是「為了好玩」。孩子們總記得這只是一場遊戲，因此他們能像同時在觀劇與演出的劇場觀眾那樣，自覺地行動。孩子們能夠在遊戲中改變劇本，因為他們明白那並不是真實的。同樣地，在清醒夢中，夢者也能控制正在發生的事件，因為他們意識到那只是一場夢。(Note: 闡釋孩童與清醒夢對現實的自覺性)
Remember how when you were little you used to play at being grown-ups? Unlike adults, children are aware of the fact that it is all just ‘for fun’. Children always remember that this is a game and so they act consciously like a theatre- goer who simultaneously acts in the play. Children are capable of changing the script in their game because they know that it is not real. Likewise, in lucid dreaming the dreamer is capable of controlling the events that are taking place because they are aware that it is a dream.
16/17
當人長大後，他們失去了隨意遊戲的能力，變得全然沉浸於自己的“戲劇”中，如同沉睡般失去對現實的覺知。因為在覺醒中沉睡，人們便成了意志薄弱的木偶，任由擺錘 (Pendulum) 擺布，而生活就像一場夢般任其自然發生。(Note: 說明成長後失去童真導致的自我迷失)
When people grow up they lose the ability to play indifferently and become mentally immersed in their games as in a deep sleep losing conscious awareness of what is happening as a result. Because people are asleep in waking they turn into weak-willed puppets, obedient to the pendulums and life begins to just happen to them in the nature of a dream.
17/17
試著像孩子般共同生活吧。採用你們彼此賦予的角色，輕鬆地“只是為了好玩”地扮演這些角色。舉例來說，當你的伴侶開始做一些你不喜歡的事情，而你像往常一樣感到惱火時，就用一種富有圖像感或怪誕滑稽、充滿幽默的方式來演繹你的角色。這樣一來，由於在清醒中無意識地做夢所引發的衝突動態將變得一清二楚，於是你將發現有多少爭吵就像肥皂劇中無中生有般產生。當你意識到這一點，你終將能夠接受自己與他人原本的樣貌。(Note: 鼓勵以輕鬆幽默的態度化解衝突)
Try to live your life together as children. Adopt the roles you have attributed each other and play at them indifferently, ‘just for fun’. For example, as soon as your partner begins to do something you do not like and you find yourself getting irritated as before, play your role in picturesque or grotesque manner, with humour. As a result the dynamics of the conflict caused by dreaming unconsciously when you are awake will become crystal clear. Then you will begin to realise just how many arguments are pulled out of thin air like in the soap-operas. When you become aware of this moment you will at last be able to accept yourself and others just the way they are.
伴侶遊戲
The Game of Partners
1/17
“你說過，似乎不相容的人結婚就像是為了懲罰彼此。當我讀到這句話時，我覺得它完美地描述了我的情況。你能給我一些實際的建議，告訴我如何找到解決這種情況的方法，該做什麼和該想什麼。
“You said that seemingly incompatible individuals marry as if to punish one another. When I read this I thought it described my situation perfectly. Could you give me any practical advice as to how to find a way out of the situation, what to do and think.
2/17
我多次嘗試改善我的關係。有時情況會好轉，但效果總是暫時的，然後我明白我和我的妻子根本不相容，我應該嘗試與另一個女人建立關係。我選擇離婚。我真的想結束這段關係，但涉及共同財產的問題使我無法快速順利地實施我的計劃，並將損失降至最低。
I have tried many times to improve my relationship. Sometimes things get better but the effect is always temporary, and then I understand that my wife and I are just fundamentally incompatible and I should try to build a relationship with a different woman. I have chosen to get a divorce. I really want to end the relationship but there is shared property involved and so circumstances prevent me from carrying out my plans quickly and smoothly with minimum losses.
3/17
有時當我生氣並準備好結束一切時，無論情況和後果如何，關係似乎無緣無故地改善，但不久之後，一切又開始了。從Transurfing的角度來看，我可以做些什麼來改變這種情況？”
Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason, but soon after, it all kicks off again. What can I do from the point of view of Transurfing to change the situation?”
4/17
確實，大多數離婚是由於伴侶拒絕接受彼此的現狀這一相對瑣碎的原因造成的。你可能認為這個解釋是錯誤的，我會告訴你為什麼，但你會錯的。
It is true that the majority of divorces come about for the relatively trivial reason that the partners involved refuse to accept each other as they are. You might be thinking that this explanation is wrong and that I will show you why but you would be mistaken.
5/17
這不是誰對誰錯的問題。意識，或者說缺乏意識，是一個看似因生活瑣事而引發衝突的平凡卻關鍵的原因。
It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. Awareness, or rather the lack of it, is the one banal yet key cause of conflicts that seems to arise over the trivial things in life.
6/17
惱怒反映了缺乏意識。在不清醒的夢中，夢只是發生在夢者身上；他們不知道自己所見只是夢，因為他們完全沉浸在遊戲中。同樣，生活在清醒世界中睡著的人對任何外部刺激都會做出負面反應，就像牡蠣對刺激物的反應一樣。每個人都理論上理解每個人都有權擁有自己的怪異性格特徵和古怪之處，如果他們與我們有些不同，他們沒有義務改變。然而，大多數人只有在被直接詢問時才意識到這一點。在所有其他情況下，惱怒因素是在無意識中被觸發的。
Annoyance reflects a lack of awareness. In non-lucid dreaming the dream just happens to the dreamer; they are not aware that what they are seeing is just a dream because they are so totally absorbed in the game. In the same way, people who are living asleep in the waking world react negatively like an oyster reacts to any external irritant. Everyone understands theoretically that each individual has a right to their own weird personality traits and eccentricities and that they are not obliged to change if they are a little different to us. Yet most people are only aware of this when they are asked about it directly. In all other cases, the annoyance factor is triggered unconsciously.
7/17
那些在清醒世界中睡著的人無法允許自己或他人做自己。他們創造了依賴關係(Dependent relationships)，這產生了極化(Polarisation)，並引發了平衡力量(Balanced forces)之風，將性格截然相反的人聚集在一起，以消除他們之間的差異。
The type of person who is asleep in the waking world cannot allow themselves or others to be themselves. They create dependent relationships which generate polarisation and evoke the wind of balanced forces which brings people with diametrically opposed personality traits together in order to cancel out the dissimilarity between them.
8/17
除此之外，感受到品質的極性，"鐘擺"(Pendulums)引發的行動會導致更多的惱怒。你可能注意到，有時你的伴侶似乎故意做一些事情來惹惱你。要知道，在大多數情況下，他們並不意識到自己在做什麼。他們的行為受到"鐘擺"(Pendulums)的影響，"鐘擺"(Pendulums)想要讓你更加惱怒，以便能從你的煩躁中獲得能量。
In addition to everything else, sensing a polarity of qualities, pendulums induce actions that cause even more annoyance. You may have noticed that sometimes your partner seems to do things deliberately to annoy you. Be aware that in the majority of cases they are not conscious of what they are doing. Their actions are influenced by a pendulum that wants to annoy you even more so that it can then feed on the energy of your irritation.
9/17
當你寫道：“有時當我生氣並準備好結束一切時，無論情況和後果如何，關係似乎無緣無故地改善”時，你展示了極化(Polarisation)如何運作。
You illustrate how polarisation works in your letter when you write: “Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences, the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason.”
10/17
當你同意“無論情況如何”時，你放開了控制，就像在說：“讓它燃燒吧！”在這一刻，極化(Polarisation)的效果減弱了；平衡力量(Balanced forces)之風平靜下來，"鐘擺"(Pendulums)離開了你。結果，關係暫時改善。
When you agree, “whatever the circumstances” you let go your grip as if saying: “Let it burn!” In this moment, the effect of polarisation is weakened; the wind of balanced forces quietens and the pendulum leaves you alone. As a result, the relationship temporarily improves.
11/17
更準確地說，性格相似的人比性格非常不同的人更不相容。翻譯成事實的語言，當人們說“我們不相容”或“我們的性格衝突”時，他們真正的意思是“我們無法接受彼此的現狀”。
It would be more accurate to say that people who are similar in character are more incompatible than people who are very different. Translated into the language of fact, when people say “we are not compatible” or “our personalities clash” what they really mean is “we could not accept each other the way we are”.
12/17
實際上，性格相反的人可以而且應該能夠和諧地幸福生活在一起。平衡力量(Balanced forces)將對立面聚集在一起，從而支持現狀是有原因的。你可能知道，就像我一樣，長期關係中的夫妻多次分手，每次都認為分手是認真的，打包行李，砸盤子，燒毀家庭照片，撕毀結婚證書，並進行其他同樣具有煽動性的儀式。每一次戲劇性的行為都伴隨著可怕的誓言，這次是真的，沒有回頭路。然而，風暴平息，兩位戰士冷靜下來，重新一起生活。
In reality, people with opposite characters can and should be able to live happily together in harmony. There is a reason why balanced forces bring opposites together thereby supporting the status quo. You may know, as I do, of couples who have split up many times during the course of a long-term relationship, each time believing the split was serious, packing suitcases, smashing plates, burning family photographs, tearing up certificates of marriage and carrying out other equally as inflammatory rituals. Each act of drama is likewise accompanied by terrible oaths that this time it is for real and there is no going back. Yet the storm subsides and both warriors calm down and go back to living together again.
13/17
如果參與者能從舞台上走下來進入觀眾席，從不同的角度觀察這一行為，即他們的共同生活，這些用擀麵杖和盤子武裝的衝突都可以避免。至少有一位伴侶必須這樣做。
All these conflicts armed with rolling pins and plates could be avoided if those involved could step down from the stage into the auditorium and observe the act, i.e. their life together from a different perspective. It is essential that at least one of the partners do this.
14/17
為什麼兩個人共享的生活像一場戲劇？因為每個人都扮演一個角色：我將成為這個人，我將做這樣那樣的事情，而你做的這樣那樣的事情惹惱了我。人們沉浸在戲劇中，無意識地行事，就像在清醒的世界中睡著一樣。生活“發生”在他們身上，因此無論他們多麼努力，他們都無法影響劇本，而他們確實在努力。
Why is a life shared by two people like a play? Because each takes on a role: I will be this person and I will do such and such, and such and such that you do irritates me. People become immersed in the play and behave without conscious awareness as if they were sleeping in the waking world. Life ‘happens’ to them and so they are incapable of influencing the script however hard they try, and try they do.
15/17
記得小時候你曾經玩過扮演大人的遊戲嗎？與成人不同，孩子們意識到這一切只是“為了好玩”。孩子們總是記得這是一場遊戲，因此他們有意識地行動，就像一個同時在戲劇中表演的觀眾。孩子們能夠在他們的遊戲中改變劇本，因為他們知道這不是真實的。同樣，在清醒夢中，夢者能夠控制正在發生的事件，因為他們意識到這是一場夢。
Remember how when you were little you used to play at being grown-ups? Unlike adults, children are aware of the fact that it is all just ‘for fun’. Children always remember that this is a game and so they act consciously like a theatre- goer who simultaneously acts in the play. Children are capable of changing the script in their game because they know that it is not real. Likewise, in lucid dreaming the dreamer is capable of controlling the events that are taking place because they are aware that it is a dream.
16/17
當人們長大後，他們失去了無動於衷地玩的能力，精神上沉浸在他們的遊戲中，就像在深度睡眠中一樣，失去了對正在發生的事情的意識。因為人們在清醒中睡著了，他們變成了意志薄弱的傀儡，順從於"鐘擺"(Pendulums)，生活開始像夢一樣發生在他們身上。
When people grow up they lose the ability to play indifferently and become mentally immersed in their games as in a deep sleep losing conscious awareness of what is happening as a result. Because people are asleep in waking they turn into weak-willed puppets, obedient to the pendulums and life begins to just happen to them in the nature of a dream.
17/17
嘗試像孩子一樣一起生活。採用你們彼此賦予的角色，無動於衷地玩它們，“只是為了好玩”。例如，當你的伴侶開始做一些你不喜歡的事情時，你發現自己像以前一樣惱怒，以幽默的方式以生動或誇張的方式扮演你的角色。結果，當你在清醒時無意識地做夢引起的衝突動態將變得清晰可見。然後你會開始意識到有多少爭論是像肥皂劇一樣憑空而來的。當你意識到這一刻時，你將最終能夠接受自己和他人如其所是。
Try to live your life together as children. Adopt the roles you have attributed each other and play at them indifferently, ‘just for fun’. For example, as soon as your partner begins to do something you do not like and you find yourself getting irritated as before, play your role in picturesque or grotesque manner, with humour. As a result the dynamics of the conflict caused by dreaming unconsciously when you are awake will become crystal clear. Then you will begin to realise just how many arguments are pulled out of thin air like in the soap-operas. When you become aware of this moment you will at last be able to accept yourself and others just the way they are.
伴侶遊戲
The Game of Partners
1/17
“你說看似不相容的人結婚，彷彿為了懲罰彼此。讀到這我覺得完美描述了我的情況。你能給我實際建議如何走出這情況，該做什麼、想什麼。
“You said that seemingly incompatible individuals marry as if to punish one another. When I read this I thought it described my situation perfectly. Could you give me any practical advice as to how to find a way out of the situation, what to do and think.
2/17
我多次試圖改善關係。有時事情變好，但效果總是暫時，然後我明白我和妻子根本不相容，我應試圖與另一個女人建立關係。我選擇離婚。我真想結束這關係，但涉及共有財產，環境阻止我快速順利以最少損失執行計劃。
I have tried many times to improve my relationship. Sometimes things get better but the effect is always temporary, and then I understand that my wife and I are just fundamentally incompatible and I should try to build a relationship with a different woman. I have chosen to get a divorce. I really want to end the relationship but there is shared property involved and so circumstances prevent me from carrying out my plans quickly and smoothly with minimum losses.
3/17
有時當我生氣，準備不顧環境和後果立即結束一切，關係似乎無故改善，但不久後又全爆發。從Transurfing角度我能做什麼改變情況？”
Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason, but soon after, it all kicks off again. What can I do from the point of view of Transurfing to change the situation?”
4/17
確實，大多數離婚因相對瑣碎的原因：涉及的伴侶拒絕接受彼此本來的樣子。你可能認為這解釋錯誤，我會告訴你為什麼，但你錯了。
It is true that the majority of divorces come about for the relatively trivial reason that the partners involved refuse to accept each other as they are. You might be thinking that this explanation is wrong and that I will show you why but you would be mistaken.
5/17
問題不在於誰對誰錯。覺知，或更確切說缺乏覺知，是因生活瑣事引發衝突的單一卻關鍵原因。
It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. Awareness, or rather the lack of it, is the one banal yet key cause of conflicts that seems to arise over the trivial things in life.
6/17
惱怒反映缺乏覺知。在非清醒夢 (Non-Lucid Dreaming) 中，夢只是發生在夢者身上；他們不知道看到的是夢，因為他們完全沉浸在遊戲中。同樣，清醒世界中睡著的人像牡蠣對任何外部刺激負面反應。每個人在理論上明白每個個體有權擁有自己的怪癖和特質，不必改變即使與我們不同。但大多數人只有在直接被問及時才意識到這一點。在其他情況下，惱怒因子無意識觸發。
Annoyance reflects a lack of awareness. In non-lucid dreaming the dream just happens to the dreamer; they are not aware that what they are seeing is just a dream because they are so totally absorbed in the game. In the same way, people who are living asleep in the waking world react negatively like an oyster reacts to any external irritant. Everyone understands theoretically that each individual has a right to their own weird personality traits and eccentricities and that they are not obliged to change if they are a little different to us. Yet most people are only aware of this when they are asked about it directly. In all other cases, the annoyance factor is triggered unconsciously.
7/17
清醒世界中睡著的人無法允許自己或他人做自己。他們創造依賴關係 (Dependent Relationships)，產生極化，喚起平衡力量之風，將性格截然相反的人聚在一起，以抵消彼此間的差異。
The type of person who is asleep in the waking world cannot allow themselves or others to be themselves. They create dependent relationships which generate polarisation and evoke the wind of balanced forces which brings people with diametrically opposed personality traits together in order to cancel out the dissimilarity between them.
8/17
除此之外，感應到品質的極性，擺錘誘導引起更多惱怒的行動。你可能注意到，有時你的伴侶似乎故意做讓你惱火的事。要意識到大多數情況下他們無意識這樣做。他們的行動受擺錘影響，擺錘想讓你更惱火，以便吞噬你惱怒的能量。
In addition to everything else, sensing a polarity of qualities, pendulums induce actions that cause even more annoyance. You may have noticed that sometimes your partner seems to do things deliberately to annoy you. Be aware that in the majority of cases they are not conscious of what they are doing. Their actions are influenced by a pendulum that wants to annoy you even more so that it can then feed on the energy of your irritation.
9/17
你在信中展示了極化如何運作，寫道：“有時當我生氣，準備不顧環境和後果立即結束一切，關係似乎無故改善。”
You illustrate how polarisation works in your letter when you write: “Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences, the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason.”
10/17
當你同意“無論環境如何”，你放開抓握，彷彿說：“讓它燒吧！”在這一刻，極化效果減弱；平衡力量之風平靜，擺錘放過你。結果，關係暫時改善。
When you agree, “whatever the circumstances” you let go your grip as if saying: “Let it burn!” In this moment, the effect of polarisation is weakened; the wind of balanced forces quietens and the pendulum leaves you alone. As a result, the relationship temporarily improves.
11/17
更準確地說，性格相似的人比截然不同的人更不相容。翻譯成事實語言，當人們說“我們不相容”或“我們性格衝突”，他們真意是“我們無法接受彼此本來的樣子”。
It would be more accurate to say that people who are similar in character are more incompatible than people who are very different. Translated into the language of fact, when people say “we are not compatible” or “our personalities clash” what they really mean is “we could not accept each other the way we are”.
12/17
實際上，性格相反的人可以且應該和諧快樂地共存。有理由平衡力量將相反者聚在一起，從而支持現狀。你可能知道，有些夫婦在長期關係中多次分手，每次認為分手是認真的，收拾行李、砸盤子、燒家庭照片、撕結婚證書，進行其他同樣激烈的儀式。每次戲劇行動伴隨可怕誓言，這次是真的，無回頭路。然而，風暴平息，兩位戰士冷靜，重新一起生活。
In reality, people with opposite characters can and should be able to live happily together in harmony. There is a reason why balanced forces bring opposites together thereby supporting the status quo. You may know, as I do, of couples who have split up many times during the course of a long-term relationship, each time believing the split was serious, packing suitcases, smashing plates, burning family photographs, tearing up certificates of marriage and carrying out other equally as inflammatory rituals. Each act of drama is likewise accompanied by terrible oaths that this time it is for real and there is no going back. Yet the storm subsides and both warriors calm down and go back to living together again.
13/17
如果涉及者能從舞臺退到觀眾席，觀察這幕劇，即他們的共同生活，從不同視角，所有這些武裝擀麵杖和盤子的衝突可避免。至少一位伴侶必須這樣做。
All these conflicts armed with rolling pins and plates could be avoided if those involved could step down from the stage into the auditorium and observe the act, i.e. their life together from a different perspective. It is essential that at least one of the partners do this.
14/17
為什麼兩人共享的生活像一場戲？因為各人扮演角色：我將是這個人，我將做這樣那樣，你做的這樣那樣讓我惱火。人們沉浸在這場戲，無意識覺知地行事，彷彿在清醒世界睡著。生活“發生”在他們身上，他們無法影響劇本，無論多努力，他們確實試過。
Why is a life shared by two people like a play? Because each takes on a role: I will be this person and I will do such and such, and such and such that you do irritates me. People become immersed in the play and behave without conscious awareness as if they were sleeping in the waking world. Life ‘happens’ to them and so they are incapable of influencing the script however hard they try, and try they do.
15/17
記得小時候你如何玩成人遊戲？與成人不同，孩子知道這只是“玩樂”。孩子總記得這是遊戲，因此有意識像同時演戲的劇院觀眾。孩子能改變遊戲劇本，因為他們知道這不是真的。同樣，在清醒夢中，夢者能控制事件，因為他們知道這是夢。
Remember how when you were little you used to play at being grown-ups? Unlike adults, children are aware of the fact that it is all just ‘for fun’. Children always remember that this is a game and so they act consciously like a theatre- goer who simultaneously acts in the play. Children are capable of changing the script in their game because they know that it is not real. Likewise, in lucid dreaming the dreamer is capable of controlling the events that are taking place because they are aware that it is a dream.
16/17
長大後，人們失去冷漠玩遊戲的能力，精神沉浸於遊戲，彷彿深睡，失去對發生事的意識覺知。因為清醒中睡著，人們變成意志薄弱的傀儡，服從擺錘，生活開始像夢一樣“發生”在他們身上。
When people grow up they lose the ability to play indifferently and become mentally immersed in their games as in a deep sleep losing conscious awareness of what is happening as a result. Because people are asleep in waking they turn into weak-willed puppets, obedient to the pendulums and life begins to just happen to them in the nature of a dream.
17/17
試著像孩子一樣共同生活。採納你們賦予彼此的角色，冷漠地玩，“只是為了好玩”。例如，一旦你的伴侶開始做你不喜歡的事，你發現自己像以前一樣惱怒，以誇張或怪誕的方式幽默扮演你的角色。結果，因清醒時無意識做夢引起的衝突動態會變得清晰。你會開始意識到多少爭論像肥皂劇一樣憑空出現。當你意識到這一刻，你終於能接受自己和他人本來的樣子。
Try to live your life together as children. Adopt the roles you have attributed each other and play at them indifferently, ‘just for fun’. For example, as soon as your partner begins to do something you do not like and you find yourself getting irritated as before, play your role in picturesque or grotesque manner, with humour. As a result the dynamics of the conflict caused by dreaming unconsciously when you are awake will become crystal clear. Then you will begin to realise just how many arguments are pulled out of thin air like in the soap-operas. When you become aware of this moment you will at last be able to accept yourself and others just the way they are.
夥伴的遊戲
The Game of Partners
1/17
“你說看似不相容的個體結婚就像是在懲罰彼此。當我讀到這句話時，我覺得它完美地描述了我的情況。你能給我一些實際的建議，告訴我該如何找到擺脫這種情況的方法，該做什麼和想什麼嗎？”
“You said that seemingly incompatible individuals marry as if to punish one another. When I read this I thought it described my situation perfectly. Could you give me any practical advice as to how to find a way out of the situation, what to do and think.
2/17
我已經嘗試了很多次改善我的關係。有時事情會變得更好，但效果總是暫時的，然後我明白我和我的妻子根本不相容，我應該嘗試與另一個女人建立關係。我已經選擇離婚。我真的想結束這段關係，但涉及到共同財產，因此情況阻止我迅速而順利地執行我的計劃，並且損失最小。
I have tried many times to improve my relationship. Sometimes things get better but the effect is always temporary, and then I understand that my wife and I are just fundamentally incompatible and I should try to build a relationship with a different woman. I have chosen to get a divorce. I really want to end the relationship but there is shared property involved and so circumstances prevent me from carrying out my plans quickly and smoothly with minimum losses.
3/17
有時當我生氣並感到準備立即結束一切時，無論情況和後果如何，關係似乎會在沒有明顯原因的情況下改善，但不久之後，一切又會重新開始。從 Transurfing 的角度來看，我該怎麼做才能改變這種情況？”
Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason, but soon after, it all kicks off again. What can I do from the point of view of Transurfing to change the situation?”
4/17
的確，大多數離婚都是因為涉及的伴侶拒絕接受彼此的本來面目，這是一個相對微不足道的原因。你可能會認為這個解釋是錯誤的，我會告訴你為什麼，但你會錯的。
It is true that the majority of divorces come about for the relatively trivial reason that the partners involved refuse to accept each other as they are. You might be thinking that this explanation is wrong and that I will show you why but you would be mistaken.
5/17
這不是誰對誰錯的問題。意識，或者說缺乏意識，是導致衝突的平凡卻關鍵的原因，這些衝突似乎是由生活中的微不足道的事情引起的。
It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong. Awareness, or rather the lack of it, is the one banal yet key cause of conflicts that seems to arise over the trivial things in life.
6/17
煩惱反映了缺乏意識。在非清醒的夢境中，夢對夢者來說只是發生的事情；他們並不知道自己所看到的只是夢，因為他們完全沉浸在遊戲中。同樣，生活在清醒世界中的人們也會像牡蠣對任何外部刺激的反應一樣，做出負面的反應。每個人理論上都明白每個人都有權擁有自己奇怪的個性特徵和怪癖，並且如果他們與我們有些不同，他們並不需要改變。然而，大多數人只有在被直接詢問時才會意識到這一點。在所有其他情況下，煩惱因素都是無意識地被觸發的。
Annoyance reflects a lack of awareness. In non-lucid dreaming the dream just happens to the dreamer; they are not aware that what they are seeing is just a dream because they are so totally absorbed in the game. In the same way, people who are living asleep in the waking world react negatively like an oyster reacts to any external irritant. Everyone understands theoretically that each individual has a right to their own weird personality traits and eccentricities and that they are not obliged to change if they are a little different to us. Yet most people are only aware of this when they are asked about it directly. In all other cases, the annoyance factor is triggered unconsciously.
7/17
在清醒的世界中，沉睡的人無法允許自己或他人做自己。他們創造了依賴關係，這會產生極化，並喚起平衡力量的風，將性格截然相反的人聚集在一起，以消除他們之間的差異。
The type of person who is asleep in the waking world cannot allow themselves or others to be themselves. They create dependent relationships which generate polarisation and evoke the wind of balanced forces which brings people with diametrically opposed personality traits together in order to cancel out the dissimilarity between them.
8/17
除了其他一切，感知到品質的極性，擺（pendulums）會引發行動，造成更多的煩惱。你可能注意到，有時你的伴侶似乎故意做一些事情來惹你生氣。要知道，在大多數情況下，他們並不意識到自己在做什麼。他們的行為受到一個想要惹你生氣的擺的影響，這樣它就可以從你的煩惱中獲取能量。
In addition to everything else, sensing a polarity of qualities, pendulums induce actions that cause even more annoyance. You may have noticed that sometimes your partner seems to do things deliberately to annoy you. Be aware that in the majority of cases they are not conscious of what they are doing. Their actions are influenced by a pendulum that wants to annoy you even more so that it can then feed on the energy of your irritation.
9/17
你在信中展示了極化如何運作，當你寫道：“有時當我生氣並感到準備立即結束一切時，無論情況和後果如何，關係似乎會在沒有明顯原因的情況下改善。”
You illustrate how polarisation works in your letter when you write: “Sometimes when I get angry and feel prepared to end it all there and then, whatever the circumstances and consequences, the relationship seems to improve for no apparent reason.”
10/17
當你同意“無論情況如何”時，你放開了你的緊握，就像在說：“讓它燒吧！”在這一刻，極化的效果減弱；平衡力量的風平靜下來，擺也不再打擾你。結果，關係暫時改善。
When you agree, “whatever the circumstances” you let go your grip as if saying: “Let it burn!” In this moment, the effect of polarisation is weakened; the wind of balanced forces quietens and the pendulum leaves you alone. As a result, the relationship temporarily improves.
11/17
更準確地說，性格相似的人比性格非常不同的人更不相容。用事實的語言來翻譯，當人們說“我們不相容”或“我們的個性衝突”時，他們真正的意思是“我們無法接受彼此的本來面目”。
It would be more accurate to say that people who are similar in character are more incompatible than people who are very different. Translated into the language of fact, when people say “we are not compatible” or “our personalities clash” what they really mean is “we could not accept each other the way we are”.
12/17
實際上，性格相反的人可以並且應該能夠和諧地快樂生活在一起。平衡力量將對立面聚集在一起，從而支持現狀，這是有原因的。你可能知道，像我一樣，有些伴侶在長期關係中多次分手，每次都相信分手是認真的，打包行李，摔盤子，燒家庭照片，撕毀結婚證書，並進行其他同樣激烈的儀式。每一次戲劇行為都伴隨著可怕的誓言，這次是真的，沒有回頭路。然而，風暴平息，兩位戰士冷靜下來，重新回到一起生活。
In reality, people with opposite characters can and should be able to live happily together in harmony. There is a reason why balanced forces bring opposites together thereby supporting the status quo. You may know, as I do, of couples who have split up many times during the course of a long-term relationship, each time believing the split was serious, packing suitcases, smashing plates, burning family photographs, tearing up certificates of marriage and carrying out other equally as inflammatory rituals. Each act of drama is likewise accompanied by terrible oaths that this time it is for real and there is no going back. Yet the storm subsides and both warriors calm down and go back to living together again.
13/17
所有這些拿著滾筒和盤子的衝突如果參與者能夠從舞台上走到觀眾席，從不同的角度觀察這一幕，即他們的共同生活，就可以避免。至少有一位伴侶必須這樣做。
All these conflicts armed with rolling pins and plates could be avoided if those involved could step down from the stage into the auditorium and observe the act, i.e. their life together from a different perspective. It is essential that at least one of the partners do this.
14/17
為什麼兩個人共享的生活像一場戲？因為每個人都扮演一個角色：我將成為這個人，我將做這樣那樣，而你做的這樣那樣讓我感到煩躁。人們沉浸在戲劇中，無意識地行為，就像他們在清醒的世界中沉睡一樣。生活對他們“發生”，因此他們無法影響劇本，無論他們多麼努力，然而他們確實在嘗試。
Why is a life shared by two people like a play? Because each takes on a role: I will be this person and I will do such and such, and such and such that you do irritates me. People become immersed in the play and behave without conscious awareness as if they were sleeping in the waking world. Life ‘happens’ to them and so they are incapable of influencing the script however hard they try, and try they do.
15/17
記得你小時候曾經玩過大人的遊戲嗎？與成年人不同，孩子們意識到這一切只是“為了好玩”。孩子們總是記得這是一場遊戲，因此他們像同時在戲劇中演出的一位觀眾一樣有意識地行動。孩子們能夠在他們的遊戲中改變劇本，因為他們知道這不是真實的。同樣，在清醒的夢中，夢者能夠控制正在發生的事件，因為他們意識到這是一場夢。
Remember how when you were little you used to play at being grown-ups? Unlike adults, children are aware of the fact that it is all just ‘for fun’. Children always remember that this is a game and so they act consciously like a theatre- goer who simultaneously acts in the play. Children are capable of changing the script in their game because they know that it is not real. Likewise, in lucid dreaming the dreamer is capable of controlling the events that are taking place because they are aware that it is a dream.
16/17
當人們長大後，他們失去了無所謂地玩耍的能力，並且在他們的遊戲中變得精神上沉浸，結果失去了對正在發生的事情的意識。因為人們在清醒中沉睡，他們變成了意志薄弱的傀儡，服從於擺，生活開始像夢一樣發生在他們身上。
When people grow up they lose the ability to play indifferently and become mentally immersed in their games as in a deep sleep losing conscious awareness of what is happening as a result. Because people are asleep in waking they turn into weak-willed puppets, obedient to the pendulums and life begins to just happen to them in the nature of a dream.
17/17
嘗試像孩子一樣共同生活。採取你們彼此賦予的角色，無所謂地“只是為了好玩”地演出。例如，當你的伴侶開始做一些你不喜歡的事情，而你發現自己像以前一樣感到煩躁時，以生動或荒謬的方式演出你的角色，帶著幽默。結果，因為在清醒時無意識地做夢而引起的衝突動態將變得清晰可見。然後你將開始意識到有多少爭論就像在肥皂劇中一樣是無中生有的。當你意識到這一刻時，你終於能夠接受自己和他人如他們所是。
Try to live your life together as children. Adopt the roles you have attributed each other and play at them indifferently, ‘just for fun’. For example, as soon as your partner begins to do something you do not like and you find yourself getting irritated as before, play your role in picturesque or grotesque manner, with humour. As a result the dynamics of the conflict caused by dreaming unconsciously when you are awake will become crystal clear. Then you will begin to realise just how many arguments are pulled out of thin air like in the soap-operas. When you become aware of this moment you will at last be able to accept yourself and others just the way they are.