調適至 Frailing (Frailing)

Attuning to Fraile

人們在交流時，往往會根據對方的性格、氣質、智慧與舉止作出相應的調整和容忍。若彼此無法適應對方的不同，就無法達成真正的互相理解，對話也只會流於空談。你必須與對方的頻率相調，才能實現真誠的溝通。

When people communicate with each other they tend to make adjustments and allowances to take account of the character, temperament, intellectual level, manners etc of the person they are talking to. If two people cannot adjust to each other’s differences they will not achieve a level of mutual understanding and any communication between them will be no more than empty words and hot air. You cannot achieve mutual understanding without attuning to the frequency of your partner.

「調適到對方頻率」這個說法當然只是一個習慣性的表達。你應該明白，為了便於理解，我採用一個過於簡化的模型。究竟在物理層面上如何達成這種調適，其實並不那麼重要，關鍵在於每個人都有一套獨特的個性特質，而在 Transurfing 中，我們稱之為 Frailing (Frailing)。

The term “attuning to the frequency of your partner” is of course purely customary. You know by now that I am using an over-simplified model for the sake of convenience. It does not matter too much exactly how the attunement takes place on the physical level. The essential idea is that every individual is bestowed with a unique range of personality characteristics which we refer to in Transurfing as fraile.

當你成功與他人建立起密切聯繫，其實你正是在與對方的獨特特質產生共鳴，也就是在進行 Frailing (Frailing) 的調適。你與某人的溝通成效，直接取決於你對對方 Frailing (Frailing) 精髓把握得有多深。這並不像聽起來那樣困難——全心集中注意力是關鍵，沒有專注力，彼此的頻率根本無法啟動。儘管這話顯而易見，可人們在交談時往往只顧著自己的想法。

When you manage to establish a close connection with another person you are actually frailing, i.e. attuning to that person’s special characteristics. How successfully you are able to communicate with another person is directly dependant on how well you have been able to grasp the essence of your partner’s fraile. Frailing is not as difficult as it might sound. Giving your full attention is the most important aspect to successfully attuning to another’s fraile. Without the power of attention there can be no question of even beginning to attune to each other’s frequencies. On the one hand, this is an obvious thing to say; and yet as a rule, people forget it and in conversation with another concentrate solely on their own thoughts.

一位成功的商人曾說過：「人人都想提供些什麼給我，但從來沒人問過我到底需要什麼。」那些企圖從他人那裡索取的人，通常只關心自己的問題，並期望藉由他人的幫助來解決困境。這正是純粹依賴內在意圖 (Intention) 的行為；相反，若你仔細思考他人的需求，就能啟動外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的運作。

A successful businessman once said: “Everyone wants to offer me something, but no-one ever asks me what I need”. People who want something from another are usually concerned with their own problems and wondering how they can solve them with the help of other people. This is pure inner intention. Accordingly, if you think about what other people want you activate the functioning of outer intention.

那麼，你如何能夠將自己的需求與他人的需要聯繫起來呢？首先，你必須有意識地將注意力放在對方的興趣上，將視線從自己移向對話的夥伴。人們只會在與自己問題和抱負相關的情境下，才會熱衷於反問或回應。而你目前只顧著自己的需求，對他們來說毫無意義。因此，唯一能找到共同語言並了解對方頻率的方法，就是通過把對話引導到對方關心的事上。你已經在自己的問題裡糾纏得夠久了，現在該把重心轉向對方的關切，讓對方的內在意圖 (Intention) 成為你交流的基礎，再在此基礎上融入你自己的需求。

How can you connect what you want with the needs of another? First of all you have to consciously focus your attention on their interests. Shift your inner sight from yourself to your conversation partner. A person will only be interested in delivering a counter question in the context of their own problems and aspirations. Your thoughts are currently focused on what you want but this is of absolutely no interest to anyone else. It is really of any significance to you what others want? They feel exactly the same way about their own concerns. They do not really care about anyone else’s needs. So, the only way of finding a common language and understanding your partner’s wavelength is to lead the conversation within the context of the other person’s interests. You are sure to have mulled your own problems over for more than long enough. Now switch your attention to your partner’s concerns. Set your partner’s intention at the foundation of your communication and only build your own concerns on top.

例如，你或許想在八月放個假，休息一下。顯而易見，你心中盤算著自己的需求，但你的上司關注的卻是工作，而對你休假的需要漠不關心。解決這個問題有兩種方法：一種是直接向上司抱怨自己的困境和需求；另一種則是說明，預計九月工作量會大增，因此你希望在八月放假，好讓自己在九月以最佳狀態回來工作。你認為哪種方法更有效？上司可能建議你等到十月休假，但多半他會同意，因為你這樣的建議正符合他的思維頻率。當你用對方的語言溝通時，你便調適到了他們的頻率。

For example, you might want to take a holiday in August. It is essential that you take a break. You are thinking of your interests. What does your boss think about you taking leave? He is thinking about your work and not even remotely interested in your need for a holiday. There are two ways around this. The first is to go up to your boss and start groaning about your problems and needs. The second is to explain that your workload is expected to increase in September and so you would like to take a break in August to be back at work and working efficiently by September. Which approach do you think would be most effective? Your boss might suggest that you wait and take a break in October, but likely as not he will agree with you because he hears a suggestion expressed at his own frequency. You attune yourself to the frequency of another person’s thought energy when you talk to them in the language of their own interests.

當騎手與驢子各自沉浸於自己的思緒中時，驢子就不會遵從騎手的指令而固執地走偏方向。驢子心中只惦記著胡蘿蔔；因此，只要你向驢子展示一根胡蘿蔔，它便會順著你的意圖前進。事實上，你正是將自己的內在意圖 (Intention) 融入到驢子的需求中。每當你需要某人為你服務時，都應該問自己：滿足對方的慾望對他有何好處？如果你能找到答案，他們便會自然而然地依從你的要求。

When the rider and the donkey are both lost in their own thoughts the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction. The donkey is thinking about carrots and so if you show the donkey a carrot it will go wherever you want it to. You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey’s intention. How does fulfilling someone else’s desire benefit the donkey? Ask yourself this question every time you need someone to do something for you. If you can find an answer to the question they will do what you need them to do.

認真傾聽對方想要傳達的訊息，是調適到他人頻率的關鍵，除非你本意就是要用自己的話題和觀點主導對話。在大群體中，每個人可能同時發言，但其實沒有人會真的在意；當然，有些人會假裝在聽，可他們大部分注意力都在自己的思緒中。你無需靠機智或博學去脫穎而出，只需全心傾聽對方即可。

Listening attentively to what a person is trying to tell you is essential to attuning to their frequency unless of course your intent is to dominate the conversation with your own themes of interest and opinions. In large groups everyone talks at the same time, but it does not really matter because no-one is listening anyway. Of course, some people will pretend to be listening but ninety percent of their attention is aligned with their own thoughts. You do not have to shine with wit and erudition to stand out as an interesting conversationalist. It is enough just to listen to your conversation partner.

如果對方對你漠不關心，但你又需要激發他們的興趣或參與感，那麼就談論他們喜愛的事物。暫時忘記那些屬於你自己的興趣，因為那代表著完全不同的頻率。試著調適至對方的頻率，換位思考，你便能了解推動他們行動的動力及其原因。當你調適到對方頻率之後，就能順利地引導對話進入你關心的議題。

If a person is indifferent to you but for some reason you need to stimulate their interest or participation talk about what interests them. Just for a while forget about what interests you personally because that radiates at a completely different frequency. Adjust to the frequency of your conversation partner. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand what motivates them, and the reasons for their actions and attitudes. When you attune to your partner’s frequency you can smoothly move on to the issue that interests you.

一個人的名字是觸及其頻率最簡單的鑰匙。從出生起，每個人就被自己的名字所呼喚。在對話中不妨多次用對方的名字，這就像一組密語，表明你帶著友善的意圖來到這裡，並肯定對方的價值。

A person’s name is the simplest key to their frequency. You cannot get away from the fact that since birth a person has been appealed to by name. Use their name in the course of the conversation more often and it will have an effect. Calling someone by their name is like a password indicating that you come as a friend with good intentions and acknowledge that person’s worth.

每個人或多或少都築起一道保護屏障，竭力捍衛自己的自我價值。如果對方被一層形式化或懷疑的不信任環繞，你便難以調適到他們的頻率。有時候，真誠直接的方式就能突破這道障礙。若你能展現出你並不企圖構築防線，也無意趁機攻擊，對方便可能放下那層防備。最有效的方式就是表現出你對對方真正的喜愛與欣賞。

Everyone to some extent or another maintains a protective field around them that jealously guards their self-worth. You will not be able to attune to your partner’s frequency if they are surrounded by a protective wall of formality or distrust. Sometimes the obstacle can be overcome with the help of a certain disarming directness. If you show that you are not trying to hold up a field of protection around your self-worth and have no intention of pouncing, the other person will be encouraged to let down their screen of protection. The most effective way of dissolving a barrier of separation is to demonstrate your genuine liking for that person.

我們為什麼如此喜愛寵物？因為它們每次見到我們都會真心流露出歡欣。無論是搖尾巴、呼嚕作響、湧上前迎接或尖叫，都展現了它們對見到你的滿心喜悅。相比之下，那些如水族箱裡的魚，則缺乏這種溝通能力，就像植物或家俱一般，無法激起愛意。彷彿你心愛的生物在說：「我不需要任何東西，只是見到你就已心滿意足！」這正是人們深愛寵物的重要原因之一。

Why do we love our pets so much? It is because they always show us how genuinely pleased they are to see us. They wag their tails, purr, jump up at us, squeal and show their delight in any number of ways. There are other less communicative beings such as aquarium fish but these creatures do not inspire love. They are like plants or a part of the furniture. It is as if the creatures we love are saying to us: “I do not need anything from you. I am just so pleased to see you!” This is one of the main reasons people adore their pets.

在與人交往中，若你想激起彼此的情誼，務必表露出見到對方的由衷喜悅。你不必像狗那般狂喜，但可以友好地微笑打招呼，使用對方的名字，並認真傾聽他們所言。若你能以如同水族魚般溫柔的態度待人，相信關係自然會穩步發展。

In dealing with people, if you want to inspire a sense of fellow-feeling in someone, show them how happy you are to see them. You do not have to go as far as expressing canine delight but you can smile and greet them enthusiastically, call them by their name and listen attentively. If you behave with the warmth of an aquarium fish you can expect the relationship to develop accordingly.

它的運作方式十分簡單。在潛意識層面上，你的夥伴會想：「我遇到了一位見到我就充滿喜悅的人，我在這世界上一定有所價值，這個人證明了這一點——多麼愉悅、吸引人的一個人！」人們出於習慣會問「你好嗎？」並期待得到那種標準的回答。(Note: 表達對自己價值的無意識認可)

The way it works is very simple. On a subconscious level your partner will think: “I have met a person who is happy to see me. I must mean something in this world. This person confirms it. What a pleasant, attractive person!” People ask: “How are you?” out of habit expecting the standard response.

注意與參與任何對話必須是真誠的。若對話上升到僵硬的禮節，便會顯得既冷漠又缺乏生氣。人們擠出笑容，好似那只是一件配件，就像領帶一樣；而任何偏離常規的回答都會被視作異常。事實上，沒有人真正關心他人的問題，那麼問候又有何意義呢？(Note: 指出形式化議題使交流變得空洞)

Attention and participation in any dialogue must be genuine. There is nothing more off-putting and sterile than a dialogue raised to the order of etiquette. People pull on a smile as if it were just another accessory. It might as well be a tie than a smile. Any answer that deviates from the norm is considered an anomaly. Nobody cares about other peoples’ problems really, so what is the point in asking?

你可以通過以對方的主頻——他們獨特的「強項」(Frailing)——散發能量，與交流對象達到共鳴。每個人都有自己獨特的共鳴頻率，也就是他們最熱衷、最感興趣或自豪的事物。這就像一條樂器弦，當它被正確撥動時，會發出獨特的音調。如果你能找到對方真正的熱情所在，與之談論，並讓他們有機會表達自己，這就是建立連結的最有效方法。只要你抓住了他們「強項」(Frailing) 的線索，就能輕鬆打動對方。

You can be in resonance with someone you are communicating with by radiating energy at their characteristic frequency. Everyone has their own resonant frequency, their own “forte”; the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in or proud of. A person’s forte is like a musical string that sounds at their resonant frequency. If you can determine a person’s true passion, discuss it with them; give them the chance to express themselves. This is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone. If you can catch the thread of their ‘forte’ wooing them will be easy.

你只需要請求對方幫忙解決一些難題或替你做件小事，便能輕易贏得他們的好感。當你向對方請求幫助時，你放下了自己對「重要性」(Importance) 的執著，同時也提升了對方的地位。當你表明你需要他們的協助時，對方會覺得自己更有價值，自然也就更願意回應你。

You can easily win a person’s favour by asking for their help with some difficulty or asking them to do you a small favour. When you ask your partner for a favour you abandon your own importance and increase theirs. Your partner will feel more significant if you convey that you need their help and give them an opportunity to express themselves, emphasizing their significance.

如果對方能夠提供你所請求的幫助，他們在與你相處時會感覺到自己被需要，你自然也會贏得他們的青睞。自我價值感對每個人都意義重大，那些你能激起這種感受的人，定會終生懷念你曾展現出的慷慨。無疑，你也一定對過去那些重視你優點的人心懷感激。

If the person can provide you with the service you requested they will feel needed when they are with you and you will no doubt win their favour. The feeling of personal self-worth means a great deal to people. Anyone you manage to inspire this feeling in will remember your generosity to the end of their days. No doubt you are still grateful to people who have valued your strengths in the past.

你可能會覺得我誇大了自我價值的重要性，但從 Frailing (Frailing) 的角度來看，每個人似乎都把自己當作中心。不過，自我價值感在塑造人類行為與動機上確實扮演著決定性的角色。你認為，什麼最能讓一個人感到受傷？也許是當他們被忽略、受到侮辱、遭到攻擊或重創？不，最深的傷害往往來自於被貶低的感覺。

You might think that I exaggerate the significance of self-worth and it is true, if you look at people from the point of view of frailing, it can seem like everyone considers themselves king. Nonetheless, self-worth plays an essential role in shaping human behaviour and motivation. What do you think causes a person to feel the most hurt? Perhaps when they feel ignored, insulted, are beaten or maimed? No, a person is wounded most deeply when they are degraded.

除了生命本身，人們最珍視的往往就是自我價值感。除了生理上的飢餓，對權力的渴求可能是另一種強烈的饑渴，這自然代表了爭取自我價值的極端和最終階段。雖然能達到那個階段的人不多，但當物質上無所求時，人們便只剩下爭權奪勢。沒什麼比權力更能激起人們，因此自我價值感在驅動人們行動與動機上扮演著舉足輕重的角色。

Aside from life itself, people cherish nothing more dearly than their sense of self-worth. The most powerful hunger, aside from feeling physical hungry, is being hungry for power. This naturally represents the extreme and final stage of the battle for self-worth. Not many people get to this stage and yet when there is nothing more a person could wish for in a material sense they are left with the battle for power. Nothing excites people more than power so you can imagine the role the feeling of self-worth plays in people’s actions and motivations.

批評無論以何種形式，總會削弱一個人的自我價值感。批評可視為一種反 Frailing (Frailing) 的行為。千萬不要直接告訴某人他們錯了；即便你自信自己是對的，保持中立的態度往往更有利，這樣你才能避免破壞對方的自我價值感，同時保護自己不受平衡力量 (Balanced forces) 的反擊。

Criticism in any form knocks a person’s self-worth. Criticism is a kind of anti- frailing. Never tell anyone to their face that they are wrong. Even if you are confident that you are in the right it is much more beneficial to remain a position of neutrality. That way you will avoid undermining the other person’s sense of self-worth and protect yourself from the action of balanced forces.

我們傷害彼此的另一方式是觸碰到那些消極的目標「幻燈片」 (Slide)。這些目標「幻燈片」依附在「重要性」(Importance) 的影像之上，因此每當你觸動它們，就如同揭開一處未癒合的傷口。這負面的目標「幻燈片」展現了一個人不喜歡自己的部分。正如你所知，擁有負面目標「幻燈片」的人會試圖隱藏自己不願面對的特質，並將這些特質投射給他人。若你嘗試反向指責，把這投射還給原主，你會驚訝於那激烈的反應。這樣做不會令對方承認你是對的，反而更容易成為你最強烈的敵人。最好不要去觸碰或干涉他人的負面目標「幻燈片」，更遑論試圖解釋那只不過是他們內心的負面「幻燈片」而已。

Another way that we hurt each other is by touching on our negative slides. The slide hangs on the film of importance and so when you knock the slide you touch on an open wound. The negative slide is a picture of what the person does not like about themselves. As you know, people with negative slides try to hide their unwanted qualities and project them onto others. Try making a counter accusation, i.e. handing the projection back to its owner, and you will be surprised by the turbulent reaction it evokes. Nothing will persuade that person to admit that you are right and they are more likely to become your worst enemy. It is better to leave other people’s negative slides alone, to say nothing of trying to explain to them that it is all a negative slide in their head.

熱戀無疑是調適到另一個人 Frailing (Frailing) 的最完美方式。愛情如何產生，何以產生，實在難以解釋，這個主題已經被寫得滔滔不絕。相互的愛需要我們放下佔有的權利，無條件地付出；只要愛情不演變成依賴性關係 (Dependent relationships)，一旦綻放便可長存。不過，你絕無法強迫自己墜入愛河，這正是我對愛情的全部體認。

Being in love is of course the most perfect way of attuning to another’s fraile. It is difficult if not impossible to explain how and why love happens and so much has been written on this theme already. Mutual love demands that we let go of the right to possess and simply give our love unconditionally. As long as it is not turned into a dependent relationship love can be preserved once it has already flowered, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love. That is all I can say on the subject of love.

因此，我在這裡大致描述了 Frailing (Frailing) 的原則。我所說的人際關係，無論是受意圖驅動還是隨流而行，都只是相對的解讀。順著流動的關係同樣可以從意圖的角度來檢視，反之亦然。歸根結底，一切皆歸於 Frailing (Frailing)：你調適到了對方的頻率，你們彼此同步轉向，共同以對方的利益為重，朝同一方向前進，從而達成那些傳統內在意圖 (Intention) 方法難以實現的成就。

So here I have roughly described the principles of frailing. The way I have described relationships as those directed by intention and those that go with the flow is purely relative. Relationships that go with the flow can be examined from the position of intention and vice versa. In the end it is all down to frailing. You attune to your partner’s frequency; you both turn in the same way; you act in that person’s interests moving in the same direction and as a result, you achieve something you could never have achieved via the standard methods of inner intention.

調整到Frailing

Attuning to Fraile

當人們彼此交流時，他們往往會根據交談對象的性格、氣質、智力水平、禮儀等進行調整和考量。如果兩個人無法適應彼此的差異，他們將無法達到相互理解的水平，彼此之間的交流將不過是空話和熱氣。如果不調整到你伴侶的頻率，你就無法實現相互理解。

When people communicate with each other they tend to make adjustments and allowances to take account of the character, temperament, intellectual level, manners etc of the person they are talking to. If two people cannot adjust to each other’s differences they will not achieve a level of mutual understanding and any communication between them will be no more than empty words and hot air. You cannot achieve mutual understanding without attuning to the frequency of your partner.

“調整到你伴侶的頻率”這個詞當然是純粹習慣性的。你現在知道，我為了方便使用了一個過於簡化的模型。在物理層面上，調整是如何進行的並不重要。關鍵的想法是，每個人都被賦予了一系列獨特的個性特徵，我們在Transurfing中稱之為Frailing。

The term “attuning to the frequency of your partner” is of course purely customary. You know by now that I am using an over-simplified model for the sake of convenience. It does not matter too much exactly how the attunement takes place on the physical level. The essential idea is that every individual is bestowed with a unique range of personality characteristics which we refer to in Transurfing as fraile.

當你成功地與另一個人建立密切聯繫時，你實際上是在進行Frailing，即調整到那個人的特殊特徵。你與另一個人成功交流的程度直接取決於你對伴侶的Frailing的本質把握得有多好。Frailing並不像聽起來那麼困難。全神貫注是成功調整到他人Frailing的最重要方面。如果沒有注意力的力量，就無法開始調整到彼此的頻率。一方面，這是一句顯而易見的話；然而，通常人們會忘記這一點，並在與他人交談時只專注於自己的想法。

When you manage to establish a close connection with another person you are actually frailing, i.e. attuning to that person’s special characteristics. How successfully you are able to communicate with another person is directly dependant on how well you have been able to grasp the essence of your partner’s fraile. Frailing is not as difficult as it might sound. Giving your full attention is the most important aspect to successfully attuning to another’s fraile. Without the power of attention there can be no question of even beginning to attune to each other’s frequencies. On the one hand, this is an obvious thing to say; and yet as a rule, people forget it and in conversation with another concentrate solely on their own thoughts.

一位成功的商人曾說：“每個人都想向我提供一些東西，但從來沒有人問過我需要什麼。”想從別人那裡得到某些東西的人通常只關心自己的問題，想知道如何在他人的幫助下解決這些問題。這是純粹的內在意圖(Intention)。因此，如果你考慮其他人想要什麼，你就會激活外在意圖(outer intention)的功能。

A successful businessman once said: “Everyone wants to offer me something, but no-one ever asks me what I need”. People who want something from another are usually concerned with their own problems and wondering how they can solve them with the help of other people. This is pure inner intention. Accordingly, if you think about what other people want you activate the functioning of outer intention.

你如何將你想要的東西與他人的需求聯繫起來？首先，你必須有意識地將注意力集中在他們的利益上。將你的內在視野從自己轉移到你的對話夥伴。一個人只會對在他們自己的問題和願望背景下提出反問感興趣。你的想法目前集中在你想要什麼上，但這對其他人來說毫無興趣。對你來說，其他人想要什麼真的有意義嗎？他們對自己的關注感覺完全一樣。他們並不真正關心其他人的需求。因此，找到共同語言並理解你的伴侶的波長的唯一方法是在對方的利益背景下進行對話。你肯定已經對自己的問題考慮得夠久了。現在將你的注意力轉移到伴侶的關注上。將伴侶的意圖設置為你交流的基礎，然後在此基礎上構建自己的關注。

How can you connect what you want with the needs of another? First of all you have to consciously focus your attention on their interests. Shift your inner sight from yourself to your conversation partner. A person will only be interested in delivering a counter question in the context of their own problems and aspirations. Your thoughts are currently focused on what you want but this is of absolutely no interest to anyone else. It is really of any significance to you what others want? They feel exactly the same way about their own concerns. They do not really care about anyone else’s needs. So, the only way of finding a common language and understanding your partner’s wavelength is to lead the conversation within the context of the other person’s interests. You are sure to have mulled your own problems over for more than long enough. Now switch your attention to your partner’s concerns. Set your partner’s intention at the foundation of your communication and only build your own concerns on top.

例如，你可能想在八月度假。休息對你來說至關重要。你在考慮自己的利益。你的老闆對你請假的看法是什麼？他在考慮你的工作，對你需要休假的需求毫無興趣。有兩種方法可以解決這個問題。第一種是走到你老闆面前，開始抱怨你的問題和需求。第二種是解釋你的工作量預計在九月會增加，因此你希望在八月休息，以便在九月回到工作崗位並高效工作。你認為哪種方法最有效？你的老闆可能會建議你等到十月再休息，但很可能他會同意你的建議，因為他聽到了以他自身利益頻率表達的建議。當你用他人利益的語言與他們交談時，你就調整到了他們的思想能量頻率。

For example, you might want to take a holiday in August. It is essential that you take a break. You are thinking of your interests. What does your boss think about you taking leave? He is thinking about your work and not even remotely interested in your need for a holiday. There are two ways around this. The first is to go up to your boss and start groaning about your problems and needs. The second is to explain that your workload is expected to increase in September and so you would like to take a break in August to be back at work and working efficiently by September. Which approach do you think would be most effective? Your boss might suggest that you wait and take a break in October, but likely as not he will agree with you because he hears a suggestion expressed at his own frequency. You attune yourself to the frequency of another person’s thought energy when you talk to them in the language of their own interests.

當騎士和驢子都沉浸在自己的思緒中時，驢子不會聽從騎士的指令，固執地拒絕走正確的方向。驢子在想胡蘿蔔，所以如果你給它看一根胡蘿蔔，它就會去你想要的任何地方。實際上，你是在將自己的意圖插入驢子的意圖背景中。滿足他人願望對驢子有什麼好處？每次你需要某人為你做某事時，問自己這個問題。如果你能找到問題的答案，他們就會做你需要他們做的事情。

When the rider and the donkey are both lost in their own thoughts the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction. The donkey is thinking about carrots and so if you show the donkey a carrot it will go wherever you want it to. You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey’s intention. How does fulfilling someone else’s desire benefit the donkey? Ask yourself this question every time you need someone to do something for you. If you can find an answer to the question they will do what you need them to do.

專心聆聽一個人試圖告訴你的內容是調整到他們頻率的關鍵，除非你的意圖是用自己的興趣和觀點主導對話。在大型群體中，每個人同時說話，但這並不重要，因為無論如何沒有人在聽。當然，有些人會假裝在聽，但他們百分之九十的注意力都集中在自己的想法上。你不必靠機智和博學來脫穎而出成為有趣的談話者。只需專心聆聽你的對話夥伴即可。

Listening attentively to what a person is trying to tell you is essential to attuning to their frequency unless of course your intent is to dominate the conversation with your own themes of interest and opinions. In large groups everyone talks at the same time, but it does not really matter because no-one is listening anyway. Of course, some people will pretend to be listening but ninety percent of their attention is aligned with their own thoughts. You do not have to shine with wit and erudition to stand out as an interesting conversationalist. It is enough just to listen to your conversation partner.

如果某人對你漠不關心，但由於某種原因你需要激發他們的興趣或參與，談論他們感興趣的事情。暫時忘記你個人感興趣的事情，因為那是在完全不同的頻率上。調整到你的對話夥伴的頻率。設身處地為他們著想，你會開始理解他們的動機以及他們行為和態度的原因。當你調整到伴侶的頻率時，你可以順利地轉向你感興趣的問題。

If a person is indifferent to you but for some reason you need to stimulate their interest or participation talk about what interests them. Just for a while forget about what interests you personally because that radiates at a completely different frequency. Adjust to the frequency of your conversation partner. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand what motivates them, and the reasons for their actions and attitudes. When you attune to your partner’s frequency you can smoothly move on to the issue that interests you.

一個人的名字是他們頻率的最簡單鑰匙。你無法逃避這個事實，因為自出生以來，人們就被名字呼喚。在談話過程中更頻繁地使用他們的名字，這將產生效果。稱呼某人的名字就像一個密碼，表明你以朋友的身份來到，懷有良好的意圖，並承認那個人的價值。

A person’s name is the simplest key to their frequency. You cannot get away from the fact that since birth a person has been appealed to by name. Use their name in the course of the conversation more often and it will have an effect. Calling someone by their name is like a password indicating that you come as a friend with good intentions and acknowledge that person’s worth.

每個人在某種程度上都維持著一個保護場，嫉妒地守護著他們的自我價值。如果他們被形式或不信任的保護牆包圍，你將無法調整到伴侶的頻率。有時可以通過某種解除武裝的直接性來克服障礙。如果你表明你不試圖在自我價值周圍建立保護場，並且無意撲向他人，對方將受到鼓勵放下他們的保護屏障。消除分隔障礙的最有效方法是表現出你對那個人的真正喜愛。

Everyone to some extent or another maintains a protective field around them that jealously guards their self-worth. You will not be able to attune to your partner’s frequency if they are surrounded by a protective wall of formality or distrust. Sometimes the obstacle can be overcome with the help of a certain disarming directness. If you show that you are not trying to hold up a field of protection around your self-worth and have no intention of pouncing, the other person will be encouraged to let down their screen of protection. The most effective way of dissolving a barrier of separation is to demonstrate your genuine liking for that person.

為什麼我們如此愛我們的寵物？因為它們總是表現出對見到我們的真正高興。它們搖尾巴、發出咕嚕聲、跳到我們身上、尖叫，並以各種方式表達它們的喜悅。還有其他不太善於交流的生物，如水族箱魚，但這些生物並不激發愛情。它們就像植物或家具的一部分。就好像我們愛的生物在對我們說：“我不需要你做什麼。我只是很高興見到你！”這是人們喜愛寵物的主要原因之一。

Why do we love our pets so much? It is because they always show us how genuinely pleased they are to see us. They wag their tails, purr, jump up at us, squeal and show their delight in any number of ways. There are other less communicative beings such as aquarium fish but these creatures do not inspire love. They are like plants or a part of the furniture. It is as if the creatures we love are saying to us: “I do not need anything from you. I am just so pleased to see you!” This is one of the main reasons people adore their pets.

在與人打交道時，如果你想激發某人的同感，讓他們看到你見到他們有多高興。你不必表現得像狗一樣興奮，但你可以微笑並熱情地打招呼，叫他們的名字並專心聆聽。如果你像水族箱魚一樣冷漠地行事，你可以預期關係會相應地發展。

In dealing with people, if you want to inspire a sense of fellow-feeling in someone, show them how happy you are to see them. You do not have to go as far as expressing canine delight but you can smile and greet them enthusiastically, call them by their name and listen attentively. If you behave with the warmth of an aquarium fish you can expect the relationship to develop accordingly.

這個方法的運作非常簡單。在潛意識層面，你的伴侶會想：“我遇到了一個見到我就很高興的人。我在這個世界上一定有意義。這個人證實了這一點。多麼愉快、有吸引力的人！”人們習慣性地問：“你好嗎？”期待標準的回答。

The way it works is very simple. On a subconscious level your partner will think: “I have met a person who is happy to see me. I must mean something in this world. This person confirms it. What a pleasant, attractive person!” People ask: “How are you?” out of habit expecting the standard response.

任何對話中的注意力和參與必須是真誠的。沒有什麼比提升到禮節層次的對話更令人反感和無效。人們拉出微笑，就像它只是另一種配飾一樣。它可能是一條領帶，而不是微笑。任何偏離常規的回答都被視為異常。沒有人真正關心其他人的問題，那麼問的意義何在？

Attention and participation in any dialogue must be genuine. There is nothing more off-putting and sterile than a dialogue raised to the order of etiquette. People pull on a smile as if it were just another accessory. It might as well be a tie than a smile. Any answer that deviates from the norm is considered an anomaly. Nobody cares about other peoples’ problems really, so what is the point in asking?

你可以通過在他們特有的頻率上輻射能量來與你交流的人共鳴。每個人都有自己的共振頻率，他們自己的“強項”；他們特別熱衷、感興趣或自豪的事情。一個人的強項就像在他們的共振頻率上發聲的音樂弦。如果你能確定一個人的真正熱情，與他們討論；給他們表達自己的機會。這是建立與某人聯繫的最有效方法。如果你能抓住他們“強項”的線索，贏得他們的青睞將變得容易。

You can be in resonance with someone you are communicating with by radiating energy at their characteristic frequency. Everyone has their own resonant frequency, their own “forte”; the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in or proud of. A person’s forte is like a musical string that sounds at their resonant frequency. If you can determine a person’s true passion, discuss it with them; give them the chance to express themselves. This is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone. If you can catch the thread of their ‘forte’ wooing them will be easy.

你可以通過請求他們幫助解決一些困難或請求他們幫你一個小忙來輕鬆贏得一個人的好感。當你請求伴侶幫忙時，你放下了自己的重要性(Importance)，並增加了他們的。當你傳達你需要他們的幫助並給予他們表達自己的機會時，你的伴侶會感到更有意義，強調他們的重要性(Importance)。

You can easily win a person’s favour by asking for their help with some difficulty or asking them to do you a small favour. When you ask your partner for a favour you abandon your own importance and increase theirs. Your partner will feel more significant if you convey that you need their help and give them an opportunity to express themselves, emphasizing their significance.

如果對方能夠提供你所要求的服務，他們在你身邊時會感到被需要，你無疑會贏得他們的好感。個人自我價值感對人們來說意義重大。任何你能激發這種感覺的人都會記住你的慷慨，直到他們的生命結束。毫無疑問，你仍然感激過去那些重視你優點的人。

If the person can provide you with the service you requested they will feel needed when they are with you and you will no doubt win their favour. The feeling of personal self-worth means a great deal to people. Anyone you manage to inspire this feeling in will remember your generosity to the end of their days. No doubt you are still grateful to people who have valued your strengths in the past.

你可能認為我誇大了自我價值的重要性，事實上，如果你從Frailing的角度看待人們，似乎每個人都認為自己是國王。儘管如此，自我價值在塑造人類行為和動機方面起著至關重要的作用。你認為什麼會讓人感到最受傷？也許是當他們感到被忽視、侮辱、被打或被傷害時？不，一個人最深的傷害是當他們被貶低時。

You might think that I exaggerate the significance of self-worth and it is true, if you look at people from the point of view of frailing, it can seem like everyone considers themselves king. Nonetheless, self-worth plays an essential role in shaping human behaviour and motivation. What do you think causes a person to feel the most hurt? Perhaps when they feel ignored, insulted, are beaten or maimed? No, a person is wounded most deeply when they are degraded.

除了生命本身，人們最珍惜的莫過於他們的自我價值感。除了感到身體飢餓之外，最強烈的飢餓感是對權力的渴望。這自然代表了自我價值鬥爭的極端和最終階段。並不是很多人會達到這個階段，但當一個人在物質意義上沒有什麼可追求的時候，他們就會陷入權力的鬥爭。沒有什麼比權力更能激發人們的興奮，所以你可以想像自我價值感在人的行為和動機中扮演的角色。

Aside from life itself, people cherish nothing more dearly than their sense of self-worth. The most powerful hunger, aside from feeling physical hungry, is being hungry for power. This naturally represents the extreme and final stage of the battle for self-worth. Not many people get to this stage and yet when there is nothing more a person could wish for in a material sense they are left with the battle for power. Nothing excites people more than power so you can imagine the role the feeling of self-worth plays in people’s actions and motivations.

任何形式的批評都會打擊一個人的自我價值。批評是一種反Frailing。永遠不要當面告訴任何人他們是錯的。即使你確信自己是對的，保持中立的立場會更有益。這樣你就可以避免削弱對方的自我價值感，並保護自己免受平衡力量(Balanced forces)的影響。

Criticism in any form knocks a person’s self-worth. Criticism is a kind of anti- frailing. Never tell anyone to their face that they are wrong. Even if you are confident that you are in the right it is much more beneficial to remain a position of neutrality. That way you will avoid undermining the other person’s sense of self-worth and protect yourself from the action of balanced forces.

我們傷害彼此的另一種方式是觸及我們的負面幻燈片(Slides)。幻燈片(Slides)懸掛在重要性(Importance)的薄膜上，因此當你敲擊幻燈片(Slides)時，你就觸及了一個開放的傷口。負面幻燈片(Slides)是人們不喜歡自己某些方面的圖像。如你所知，有負面幻燈片(Slides)的人試圖隱藏他們不想要的特質，並將其投射到他人身上。試著做出反指控，即將投射物還給其主人，你會驚訝於它引發的激烈反應。沒有什麼能說服那個人承認你是對的，他們更有可能成為你最壞的敵人。最好不要碰他人的負面幻燈片(Slides)，更不用說試圖向他們解釋這一切都是他們頭腦中的負面幻燈片(Slides)。

Another way that we hurt each other is by touching on our negative slides. The slide hangs on the film of importance and so when you knock the slide you touch on an open wound. The negative slide is a picture of what the person does not like about themselves. As you know, people with negative slides try to hide their unwanted qualities and project them onto others. Try making a counter accusation, i.e. handing the projection back to its owner, and you will be surprised by the turbulent reaction it evokes. Nothing will persuade that person to admit that you are right and they are more likely to become your worst enemy. It is better to leave other people’s negative slides alone, to say nothing of trying to explain to them that it is all a negative slide in their head.

戀愛當然是調整到他人Frailing的最完美方式。解釋愛情如何以及為什麼發生是困難的，甚至是不可能的，這個主題已經有很多論述。相互的愛要求我們放下擁有的權利，並無條件地給予我們的愛。只要不將其變成依賴關係(Dependent relationships)，愛情在開花後就可以保存，但你無法讓自己墜入愛河。這就是我對愛情主題所能說的一切。

Being in love is of course the most perfect way of attuning to another’s fraile. It is difficult if not impossible to explain how and why love happens and so much has been written on this theme already. Mutual love demands that we let go of the right to possess and simply give our love unconditionally. As long as it is not turned into a dependent relationship love can be preserved once it has already flowered, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love. That is all I can say on the subject of love.

在這裡，我大致描述了Frailing的原則。我描述的那些由意圖(Intention)指導的關係和那些隨波逐流的關係純粹是相對的。隨波逐流的關係可以從意圖(Intention)的角度來檢視，反之亦然。最終，這一切都歸結於Frailing。你調整到伴侶的頻率；你們都以同樣的方式轉向；你在那個人的利益中行動，朝著同一方向前進，結果，你實現了一些你無法通過內在意圖(Intention)的標準方法實現的事情。

So here I have roughly described the principles of frailing. The way I have described relationships as those directed by intention and those that go with the flow is purely relative. Relationships that go with the flow can be examined from the position of intention and vice versa. In the end it is all down to frailing. You attune to your partner’s frequency; you both turn in the same way; you act in that person’s interests moving in the same direction and as a result, you achieve something you could never have achieved via the standard methods of inner intention.

調諧到靈魂特質 (Fraile)

Attuning to Fraile

當人們相互交流時，他們傾向於調整和考慮對方的性格、氣質、智力水平、舉止等。如果兩個人無法適應彼此的差異，他們不會達成相互理解，他們之間的任何交流都只是空話和熱空氣。沒有調諧到對方的頻率，你無法達成相互理解。

When people communicate with each other they tend to make adjustments and allowances to take account of the character, temperament, intellectual level, manners etc of the person they are talking to. If two people cannot adjust to each other’s differences they will not achieve a level of mutual understanding and any communication between them will be no more than empty words and hot air. You cannot achieve mutual understanding without attuning to the frequency of your partner.

“調諧到對方的頻率”這一術語當然只是習慣用語。你現在知道，我為了方便使用了一個過於簡化的模型。調諧在物理層面如何發生並不重要。本質觀念是每個個體被賦予獨特的人格特徵範圍，我們在Transurfing中稱之為靈魂特質 (Fraile)。

The term “attuning to the frequency of your partner” is of course purely customary. You know by now that I am using an over-simplified model for the sake of convenience. It does not matter too much exactly how the attunement takes place on the physical level. The essential idea is that every individual is bestowed with a unique range of personality characteristics which we refer to in Transurfing as fraile.

當你成功與另一人建立密切聯繫時，你實際上在進行靈魂特質調諧 (Frailing)，即調整到那個人的獨特特徵。你與另一人溝通的成功程度直接取決於你多好地把握了對方靈魂特質 (Fraile) 的本質。靈魂特質調諧並不像聽起來那麼難。給予全神貫注的注意力是成功調諧到他人靈魂特質的最重要方面。沒有注意力的力量，根本談不上開始調諧到彼此的頻率。一方面，這是顯而易見的；然而，通常人們忘記這一點，在與他人交談時只專注於自己的想法。

When you manage to establish a close connection with another person you are actually frailing, i.e. attuning to that person’s special characteristics. How successfully you are able to communicate with another person is directly dependant on how well you have been able to grasp the essence of your partner’s fraile. Frailing is not as difficult as it might sound. Giving your full attention is the most important aspect to successfully attuning to another’s fraile. Without the power of attention there can be no question of even beginning to attune to each other’s frequencies. On the one hand, this is an obvious thing to say; and yet as a rule, people forget it and in conversation with another concentrate solely on their own thoughts.

一位成功的商人曾說：“每個人都想給我提供什麼，但沒人問我需要什麼。”想從他人那裡得到東西的人通常關心自己的問題，想著如何借助他人解決問題。這是純粹的內在意圖 (Inner Intention)。因此，如果你考慮他人想要什麼，你會激活外在意圖 (Outer Intention) 的運作。

A successful businessman once said: “Everyone wants to offer me something, but no-one ever asks me what I need”. People who want something from another are usually concerned with their own problems and wondering how they can solve them with the help of other people. This is pure inner intention. Accordingly, if you think about what other people want you activate the functioning of outer intention.

你如何將你想要的與他人的需求聯繫起來？首先，你必須有意識地將注意力集中在他們的興趣上。將你的內在視線從自己轉移到你的談話對象。對方只會在自己的問題和志向背景下對回應問題感興趣。你的想法目前專注於你想要的，但這對其他人完全不重要。你真的關心他人想要什麼嗎？他們對自己的關切有同樣的感受。他們其實不在乎其他人的需求。所以，找到共同語言並理解對方波長的唯一方法是在對方興趣的背景下引導對話。你肯定已經對自己的問題思考得夠多了。現在將注意力轉移到對方的關切上。將對方的意圖設為你溝通的基礎，只在上面構建你自己的關切。

How can you connect what you want with the needs of another? First of all you have to consciously focus your attention on their interests. Shift your inner sight from yourself to your conversation partner. A person will only be interested in delivering a counter question in the context of their own problems and aspirations. Your thoughts are currently focused on what you want but this is of absolutely no interest to anyone else. It is really of any significance to you what others want? They feel exactly the same way about their own concerns. They do not really care about anyone else’s needs. So, the only way of finding a common language and understanding your partner’s wavelength is to lead the conversation within the context of the other person’s interests. You are sure to have mulled your own problems over for more than long enough. Now switch your attention to your partner’s concerns. Set your partner’s intention at the foundation of your communication and only build your own concerns on top.

例如，你可能想在八月休假。這對你至關重要。你在考慮自己的利益。你的老闆對你休假怎麼想？他考慮的是你的工作，對你的度假需求絲毫不感興趣。有兩種方法解決。第一種是走過去向老闆抱怨你的問題和需求。第二種是解釋九月你的工作量預計會增加，因此你想在八月休假，以便九月回來高效工作。你認為哪種方法最有效？你的老闆可能建議你等到十月再休假，但很可能他會同意你，因為他聽到以他自己頻率表達的建議。當你以對方利益的語言與他們交談時，你將自己調諧到對方思想能量的頻率。

For example, you might want to take a holiday in August. It is essential that you take a break. You are thinking of your interests. What does your boss think about you taking leave? He is thinking about your work and not even remotely interested in your need for a holiday. There are two ways around this. The first is to go up to your boss and start groaning about your problems and needs. The second is to explain that your workload is expected to increase in September and so you would like to take a break in August to be back at work and working efficiently by September. Which approach do you think would be most effective? Your boss might suggest that you wait and take a break in October, but likely as not he will agree with you because he hears a suggestion expressed at his own frequency. You attune yourself to the frequency of another person’s thought energy when you talk to them in the language of their own interests.

當騎手和驢子都沉浸在自己的想法中時，驢子不會聽從騎手的指令，固執地拒絕朝正確方向走。驢子在想胡蘿蔔，所以如果你給驢子看一根胡蘿蔔，它會去你想讓它去的地方。你實際上是將自己的意圖插入驢子的意圖背景中。實現他人的渴望如何惠及驢子？每次你需要某人為你做某事時，問自己這個問題。如果 你能找到答案，他們會做你需要他們做的事。

When the rider and the donkey are both lost in their own thoughts the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction. The donkey is thinking about carrots and so if you show the donkey a carrot it will go wherever you want it to. You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey’s intention. How does fulfilling someone else’s desire benefit the donkey? Ask yourself this question every time you need someone to do something for you. If you can find an answer to the question they will do what you need them to do.

專注傾聽對方試圖告訴你什麼，對調諧到他們的頻率至關重要，除非你的意圖是用自己的興趣主題和意見主導對話。在大群體中，每個人同時說話，但這無關緊要，因為反正沒人在聽。當然，有些人會假裝在聽，但他們90%的注意力與自己的想法對齊。你不必以機智和博學閃耀來脫穎而出成為有趣的交談者。只要傾聽你的談話對象就夠了。

Listening attentively to what a person is trying to tell you is essential to attuning to their frequency unless of course your intent is to dominate the conversation with your own themes of interest and opinions. In large groups everyone talks at the same time, but it does not really matter because no-one is listening anyway. Of course, some people will pretend to be listening but ninety percent of their attention is aligned with their own thoughts. You do not have to shine with wit and erudition to stand out as an interesting conversationalist. It is enough just to listen to your conversation partner.

如果一個人對你漠不關心，但你因某種原因需要激發他們的興趣或參與，談論他們感興趣的事。暫時忘記你個人感興趣的事，因為那以完全不同的頻率散發。調整到你談話對象的頻率。設身處地，你會開始理解什麼激勵他們，以及他們行為和態度的原因。當你調諧到對方的頻率，你可以順利轉到你感興趣的問題上。

If a person is indifferent to you but for some reason you need to stimulate their interest or participation talk about what interests them. Just for a while forget about what interests you personally because that radiates at a completely different frequency. Adjust to the frequency of your conversation partner. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand what motivates them, and the reasons for their actions and attitudes. When you attune to your partner’s frequency you can smoothly move on to the issue that interests you.

一個人的名字是通往他們頻率的最簡單鑰匙。你無法否認，從出生起，一個人就被自己的名字呼喚。在對話中多使用他們的名字，會有效果。呼喚某人的名字就像一個密碼，表明你以朋友身份帶著善意而來，認可那個人的價值。

A person’s name is the simplest key to their frequency. You cannot get away from the fact that since birth a person has been appealed to by name. Use their name in the course of the conversation more often and it will have an effect. Calling someone by their name is like a password indicating that you come as a friend with good intentions and acknowledge that person’s worth.

每個人在某種程度上都維持著一個保護場，嫉妒地守衛他們的自我價值感。如果對方被正式或不信任的保護牆包圍，你無法調諧到他們的頻率。有時，某種解除武裝的直接性可以克服障礙。如果你表明你不試圖維持保護自我價值的場，沒有意圖撲向對方，對方會被鼓勵放下他們的保護屏。最有效的溶解分離障礙的方法是展示你對那個人的真誠喜歡。

Everyone to some extent or another maintains a protective field around them that jealously guards their self-worth. You will not be able to attune to your partner’s frequency if they are surrounded by a protective wall of formality or distrust. Sometimes the obstacle can be overcome with the help of a certain disarming directness. If you show that you are not trying to hold up a field of protection around your self-worth and have no intention of pouncing, the other person will be encouraged to let down their screen of protection. The most effective way of dissolving a barrier of separation is to demonstrate your genuine liking for that person.

為什麼我們如此愛我們的寵物？因為牠們總是向我們展示見到我們有多高興。牠們搖尾巴、咕嚕叫、跳向我們、尖叫，以各種方式表現喜悅。還有一些不那麼善於溝通的生物，如水族箱魚，但這些生物不會激發愛。牠們就像植物或家具的一部分。我們愛的生物彷彿在說：“我不需要你什麼。我只是見到你很高興！”這是人們愛寵物的主要原因之一。

Why do we love our pets so much? It is because they always show us how genuinely pleased they are to see us. They wag their tails, purr, jump up at us, squeal and show their delight in any number of ways. There are other less communicative beings such as aquarium fish but these creatures do not inspire love. They are like plants or a part of the furniture. It is as if the creatures we love are saying to us: “I do not need anything from you. I am just so pleased to see you!” This is one of the main reasons people adore their pets.

在與人打交道時，如果你想在某人心中激發同胞之情，向他們展示你見到他們有多高興。你不必像狗一樣表現狂熱喜悅，但你可以微笑並熱情問候，稱呼他們的名字，專注傾聽。如果你像水族箱魚一樣冷漠地行事，你可以預期關係相應發展。

In dealing with people, if you want to inspire a sense of fellow-feeling in someone, show them how happy you are to see them. You do not have to go as far as expressing canine delight but you can smile and greet them enthusiastically, call them by their name and listen attentively. If you behave with the warmth of an aquarium fish you can expect the relationship to develop accordingly.

運作方式很簡單。在潛意識層面，你的對方會想：“我遇到了一個見到我很高興的人。我在這世界上一定有些意義。這個人證實了這一點。多麼愉快、有吸引力的人！”人們出於習慣問：“你好吗？”預期標準回答。

The way it works is very simple. On a subconscious level your partner will think: “I have met a person who is happy to see me. I must mean something in this world. This person confirms it. What a pleasant, attractive person!” People ask: “How are you?” out of habit expecting the standard response.

任何對話中的注意力和參與必須真誠。沒有什麼比提升到禮節層面的對話更令人反感和無效。人們掛上微笑，彷彿只是另一件配件。這微笑不如說是領帶。任何偏離常規的回答都被視為異常。沒人真的關心他人的問題，那問有什麼意義？

Attention and participation in any dialogue must be genuine. There is nothing more off-putting and sterile than a dialogue raised to the order of etiquette. People pull on a smile as if it were just another accessory. It might as well be a tie than a smile. Any answer that deviates from the norm is considered an anomaly. Nobody cares about other peoples’ problems really, so what is the point in asking?

你可以通過以對方特有頻率散發能量，與你溝通的人產生共鳴。每個人都有自己的共振頻率，他們的“強項”；他們特別熱衷、感興趣或驕傲的事物。一個人的強項就像一根在共振頻率上響起的音樂弦。如果 你能確定一個人的真正熱情，與他們討論；給他們表達自己的機會。這是與某人建立聯繫的最有效方式。如果 你能抓住他們“強項”的線索，贏得他們的青睞會很簡單。

You can be in resonance with someone you are communicating with by radiating energy at their characteristic frequency. Everyone has their own resonant frequency, their own “forte”; the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in or proud of. A person’s forte is like a musical string that sounds at their resonant frequency. If you can determine a person’s true passion, discuss it with them; give them the chance to express themselves. This is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone. If you can catch the thread of their ‘forte’ wooing them will be easy.

你可以通過請求某人幫忙解決某個困難或請他們幫個小忙，輕鬆贏得對方的好感。當你向對方求助時，你放棄了自己的重要性，增加了他們的。你的對方如果感覺你需要他們的幫助，並有機會表達自己，強調他們的價值，他們會感到更重要。

You can easily win a person’s favour by asking for their help with some difficulty or asking them to do you a small favour. When you ask your partner for a favour you abandon your own importance and increase theirs. Your partner will feel more significant if you convey that you need their help and give them an opportunity to express themselves, emphasizing their significance.

如果對方能提供你請求的服務，他們會在你身邊感到被需要，你無疑會贏得他們的好感。個人自我價值感對人們意義重大。任何你能激發這種感覺的人會終生記得你的慷慨。無疑你仍感激過去重視你優點的人。

If the person can provide you with the service you requested they will feel needed when they are with you and you will no doubt win their favour. The feeling of personal self-worth means a great deal to people. Anyone you manage to inspire this feeling in will remember your generosity to the end of their days. No doubt you are still grateful to people who have valued your strengths in the past.

你可能認為我誇大了自我價值感的重要性，確實，從靈魂特質調諧 (Frailing) 的角度看人，每個人都認為自己是王。然而，自我價值感在塑造人類行為和動機中扮演重要角色。你認為什麼讓一個人最受傷？也許是感覺被忽視、被侮辱、被毆打或傷殞？不，一個人最深的傷害是感覺被貶低。

You might think that I exaggerate the significance of self-worth and it is true, if you look at people from the point of view of frailing, it can seem like everyone considers themselves king. Nonetheless, self-worth plays an essential role in shaping human behaviour and motivation. What do you think causes a person to feel the most hurt? Perhaps when they feel ignored, insulted, are beaten or maimed? No, a person is wounded most deeply when they are degraded.

除了生命本身，人們最珍視的是自我價值感。除了生理飢餓，最強烈的飢渴是權力的飢渴。這自然代表了自我價值爭鬥的極端和最終階段。很少有人到達這個階段，然而當一個人在物質上無所求時，剩下的就是權力爭鬥。沒有什麼比權力更激動人心，你可以想像自我價值感在人們行動和動機中的角色。

Aside from life itself, people cherish nothing more dearly than their sense of self-worth. The most powerful hunger, aside from feeling physical hungry, is being hungry for power. This naturally represents the extreme and final stage of the battle for self-worth. Not many people get to this stage and yet when there is nothing more a person could wish for in a material sense they are left with the battle for power. Nothing excites people more than power so you can imagine the role the feeling of self-worth plays in people’s actions and motivations.

任何形式的批評都會打擊一個人的自我價值。批評是一種反靈魂特質調諧。永遠不要當面告訴任何人他們錯了。即使你確信自己正確，保持中立立場更有益。這樣你會避免破壞對方的自我價值感，保護自己免受平衡力量 (Balanced Forces) 的作用。

Criticism in any form knocks a person’s self-worth. Criticism is a kind of anti- frailing. Never tell anyone to their face that they are wrong. Even if you are confident that you are in the right it is much more beneficial to remain a position of neutrality. That way you will avoid undermining the other person’s sense of self-worth and protect yourself from the action of balanced forces.

我們傷害彼此的另一種方式是觸及我們的負面幻燈片 (Slides)。幻燈片掛在重要性的薄膜上，所以當你敲擊幻燈片，你觸及一個開放的傷口。負面幻燈片是人們不喜歡自己的圖景。如你所知，有負面幻燈片的人試圖隱藏他們不想要的品質，將其投射到他人身上。試著做出反指控，即將投射物交還給其主人，你會驚訝於它引發的激烈反應。沒什麼能說服那個人承認你正確，他們更可能成為你最糟糕的敵人。最好不要碰他人的負面幻燈片，更不用說試圖向他們解釋這只是他們頭腦中的負面幻燈片。

Another way that we hurt each other is by touching on our negative slides. The slide hangs on the film of importance and so when you knock the slide you touch on an open wound. The negative slide is a picture of what the person does not like about themselves. As you know, people with negative slides try to hide their unwanted qualities and project them onto others. Try making a counter accusation, i.e. handing the projection back to its owner, and you will be surprised by the turbulent reaction it evokes. Nothing will persuade that person to admit that you are right and they are more likely to become your worst enemy. It is better to leave other people’s negative slides alone, to say nothing of trying to explain to them that it is all a negative slide in their head.

當然，戀愛是調諧到他人靈魂特質的最完美方式。很難甚至不可能解釋愛如何及為什麼發生，關於這個主題已寫了很多。相互的愛要求我們放棄占有的權利，單純無條件地給予愛。只要不轉為依賴關係，愛一旦開花就能保留，但你無法讓自己墜入愛河。這是我對愛的主題能說的全部。

Being in love is of course the most perfect way of attuning to another’s fraile. It is difficult if not impossible to explain how and why love happens and so much has been written on this theme already. Mutual love demands that we let go of the right to possess and simply give our love unconditionally. As long as it is not turned into a dependent relationship love can be preserved once it has already flowered, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love. That is all I can say on the subject of love.

我在這裡粗略描述了靈魂特質調諧的原則。我描述的關係作為意圖導向和隨流而行的關係是相對的。隨流的關係可以從意圖的角度檢視，反之亦然。最終，一切都歸結於靈魂特質調諧。你調諧到對方的頻率；你們以同樣方式轉向；你為了那個人的利益行動，朝同一方向移動，結果，你實現了通過內在意圖標準方法永遠無法實現的東西。

So here I have roughly described the principles of frailing. The way I have described relationships as those directed by intention and those that go with the flow is purely relative. Relationships that go with the flow can be examined from the position of intention and vice versa. In the end it is all down to frailing. You attune to your partner’s frequency; you both turn in the same way; you act in that person’s interests moving in the same direction and as a result, you achieve something you could never have achieved via the standard methods of inner intention.

調整到Frailing

Attuning to Fraile

當人們彼此交流時，他們往往會根據對方的性格、氣質、智力水平、舉止等進行調整和讓步。如果兩個人無法適應彼此的差異，他們將無法達成相互理解，彼此之間的任何交流都不過是空洞的言辭和空話。沒有調整到伴侶的頻率，就無法實現相互理解。

When people communicate with each other they tend to make adjustments and allowances to take account of the character, temperament, intellectual level, manners etc of the person they are talking to. If two people cannot adjust to each other’s differences they will not achieve a level of mutual understanding and any communication between them will be no more than empty words and hot air. You cannot achieve mutual understanding without attuning to the frequency of your partner.

“調整到伴侶的頻率”這一術語當然是純粹的慣例。你現在知道我為了方便使用了一個過於簡化的模型。調整在物理層面上是如何發生的並不太重要。基本思想是，每個人都擁有獨特的個性特徵範圍，我們在Transurfing中稱之為Frailing。

The term “attuning to the frequency of your partner” is of course purely customary. You know by now that I am using an over-simplified model for the sake of convenience. It does not matter too much exactly how the attunement takes place on the physical level. The essential idea is that every individual is bestowed with a unique range of personality characteristics which we refer to in Transurfing as fraile.

當你成功地與另一個人建立密切的聯繫時，你實際上是在進行「frailing」（調和），即調整到那個人特有的特徵。你能夠與另一個人有效溝通的成功程度，直接取決於你能否把握你伴侶的「fraile」（特質）的本質。「frailing」（調和）並不像聽起來那麼困難。全心全意地專注是成功調和他人「fraile」（特質）的最重要方面。沒有注意力的力量，根本無法開始調和彼此的頻率。一方面，這是一個顯而易見的事；然而，通常人們會忘記這一點，在與他人的對話中，專注於自己的想法。

When you manage to establish a close connection with another person you are actually frailing, i.e. attuning to that person’s special characteristics. How successfully you are able to communicate with another person is directly dependant on how well you have been able to grasp the essence of your partner’s fraile. Frailing is not as difficult as it might sound. Giving your full attention is the most important aspect to successfully attuning to another’s fraile. Without the power of attention there can be no question of even beginning to attune to each other’s frequencies. On the one hand, this is an obvious thing to say; and yet as a rule, people forget it and in conversation with another concentrate solely on their own thoughts.

一位成功的商人曾說過：“每個人都想給我提供東西，但沒有人會問我需要什麼。”想從別人那裡獲得某些東西的人，通常關心的是他們自己的問題，並想知道如何借助他人的幫助來解決這些問題。這純粹是內在的「意圖」（intention）。因此，如果你考慮其他人想要什麼，你就會啟動外在「意圖」（outer intention）的運作。

A successful businessman once said: “Everyone wants to offer me something, but no-one ever asks me what I need”. People who want something from another are usually concerned with their own problems and wondering how they can solve them with the help of other people. This is pure inner intention. Accordingly, if you think about what other people want you activate the functioning of outer intention.

你如何將自己想要的與他人的需求連接起來？首先，你必須有意識地將注意力集中在他們的利益上。將你的內在視線從自己轉移到你的對話夥伴身上。只有在他們自己的問題和願望的背景下，一個人才會對提出反問題感興趣。你目前的思考集中在你想要的東西上，但這對其他人來說完全沒有興趣。你真的在意別人想要什麼嗎？他們對自己的關注也有同樣的感受。他們並不真正關心其他人的需求。因此，找到共同語言和理解你伴侶的波長的唯一方法是將對話引導到他人的利益背景中。你肯定已經對自己的問題思考了足夠長的時間。現在將注意力轉向你伴侶的關注。將你伴侶的「意圖」（intention）作為你溝通的基礎，並僅在其上構建你自己的關注。

How can you connect what you want with the needs of another? First of all you have to consciously focus your attention on their interests. Shift your inner sight from yourself to your conversation partner. A person will only be interested in delivering a counter question in the context of their own problems and aspirations. Your thoughts are currently focused on what you want but this is of absolutely no interest to anyone else. It is really of any significance to you what others want? They feel exactly the same way about their own concerns. They do not really care about anyone else’s needs. So, the only way of finding a common language and understanding your partner’s wavelength is to lead the conversation within the context of the other person’s interests. You are sure to have mulled your own problems over for more than long enough. Now switch your attention to your partner’s concerns. Set your partner’s intention at the foundation of your communication and only build your own concerns on top.

例如，你可能想在八月休假。你必須休息一下。你在考慮自己的利益。你的老闆對你請假有什麼看法？他在考慮你的工作，根本不關心你需要休假的事。這有兩種解決方法。第一種是走到你的老闆面前，開始抱怨你的問題和需求。第二種是解釋說你預計九月的工作量會增加，因此你希望在八月休息，以便在九月能夠高效地回到工作中。你認為哪種方法最有效？你的老闆可能會建議你等到十月再休假，但他很可能會同意你的想法，因為他聽到了以他自己的頻率表達的建議。當你用他們自己利益的語言與他們交談時，你會調整到另一個人的思維能量頻率。

For example, you might want to take a holiday in August. It is essential that you take a break. You are thinking of your interests. What does your boss think about you taking leave? He is thinking about your work and not even remotely interested in your need for a holiday. There are two ways around this. The first is to go up to your boss and start groaning about your problems and needs. The second is to explain that your workload is expected to increase in September and so you would like to take a break in August to be back at work and working efficiently by September. Which approach do you think would be most effective? Your boss might suggest that you wait and take a break in October, but likely as not he will agree with you because he hears a suggestion expressed at his own frequency. You attune yourself to the frequency of another person’s thought energy when you talk to them in the language of their own interests.

當騎士和驢子都沉浸在自己的思緒中時，驢子不會聽從騎士的指示，固執地拒絕朝正確的方向前進。驢子在想著胡蘿蔔，因此如果你給驢子看一根胡蘿蔔，它會去你想要的任何地方。你實際上是在將自己的「意圖」（intention）插入驢子的「意圖」（intention）背景中。滿足別人的願望對驢子有什麼好處？每當你需要別人為你做某事時，問自己這個問題。如果你能找到這個問題的答案，他們就會做你需要他們做的事情。

When the rider and the donkey are both lost in their own thoughts the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction. The donkey is thinking about carrots and so if you show the donkey a carrot it will go wherever you want it to. You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey’s intention. How does fulfilling someone else’s desire benefit the donkey? Ask yourself this question every time you need someone to do something for you. If you can find an answer to the question they will do what you need them to do.

專心聆聽一個人試圖告訴你的事情，對於調和他們的頻率至關重要，除非你當然是想用自己的主題和觀點主導對話。在大型團體中，每個人同時講話，但這並不重要，因為沒有人在聽。當然，有些人會假裝在聽，但他們九成的注意力都集中在自己的想法上。你不必以智慧和博學來脫穎而出，成為一個有趣的對話者。只需聆聽你的對話夥伴就足夠了。

Listening attentively to what a person is trying to tell you is essential to attuning to their frequency unless of course your intent is to dominate the conversation with your own themes of interest and opinions. In large groups everyone talks at the same time, but it does not really matter because no-one is listening anyway. Of course, some people will pretend to be listening but ninety percent of their attention is aligned with their own thoughts. You do not have to shine with wit and erudition to stand out as an interesting conversationalist. It is enough just to listen to your conversation partner.

如果一個人對你漠不關心，但因為某種原因你需要激發他們的興趣或參與，談論他們感興趣的事情。暫時忘記你個人感興趣的事情，因為那是在完全不同的頻率上發射的。調整到你對話夥伴的頻率。將自己置於他們的立場，你將開始理解驅動他們的動機，以及他們行為和態度的原因。當你調和到你伴侶的頻率時，你可以順利地轉向你感興趣的問題。

If a person is indifferent to you but for some reason you need to stimulate their interest or participation talk about what interests them. Just for a while forget about what interests you personally because that radiates at a completely different frequency. Adjust to the frequency of your conversation partner. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand what motivates them, and the reasons for their actions and attitudes. When you attune to your partner’s frequency you can smoothly move on to the issue that interests you.

一個人的名字是他們頻率的最簡單鑰匙。你無法逃避這一事實，自出生以來，人們一直是用名字來稱呼的。在對話中更頻繁地使用他們的名字，這會產生效果。叫某人名字就像是一個密碼，表明你是帶著良好意圖的朋友，並承認那個人的價值。

A person’s name is the simplest key to their frequency. You cannot get away from the fact that since birth a person has been appealed to by name. Use their name in the course of the conversation more often and it will have an effect. Calling someone by their name is like a password indicating that you come as a friend with good intentions and acknowledge that person’s worth.

每個人或多或少都保持著一個保護場域，嫉妒地守護著他們的自我價值。如果他們被形式或不信任的保護牆包圍，你將無法調和到你伴侶的頻率。有時，某種直接的坦率可以克服障礙。如果你表明你並不試圖在自己的自我價值周圍建立保護場域，並且沒有意圖進行攻擊，對方會受到鼓勵，放下他們的保護屏障。消除分隔障礙的最有效方法是表現出你對那個人的真正喜愛。

Everyone to some extent or another maintains a protective field around them that jealously guards their self-worth. You will not be able to attune to your partner’s frequency if they are surrounded by a protective wall of formality or distrust. Sometimes the obstacle can be overcome with the help of a certain disarming directness. If you show that you are not trying to hold up a field of protection around your self-worth and have no intention of pouncing, the other person will be encouraged to let down their screen of protection. The most effective way of dissolving a barrier of separation is to demonstrate your genuine liking for that person.

為什麼我們如此喜愛寵物？因為它們總是向我們展示它們見到我們時的真誠高興。它們搖尾巴、呼嚕、跳到我們身邊、尖叫，並以各種方式表達它們的喜悅。還有其他不太會表達的生物，例如水族館的魚，但這些生物並不會激發愛。它們就像植物或家具的一部分。就好像我們所愛的生物在對我們說：“我不需要你給我任何東西。我只是非常高興見到你！”這是人們喜愛寵物的主要原因之一。

Why do we love our pets so much? It is because they always show us how genuinely pleased they are to see us. They wag their tails, purr, jump up at us, squeal and show their delight in any number of ways. There are other less communicative beings such as aquarium fish but these creatures do not inspire love. They are like plants or a part of the furniture. It is as if the creatures we love are saying to us: “I do not need anything from you. I am just so pleased to see you!” This is one of the main reasons people adore their pets.

在與人交往時，如果你想激發某人的同感，向他們展示你見到他們時的快樂。你不必表現得像狗一樣高興，但你可以微笑並熱情地問候他們，叫他們的名字並專心聆聽。如果你像水族館的魚一樣冷漠，你可以期待這段關係相應地發展。

In dealing with people, if you want to inspire a sense of fellow-feeling in someone, show them how happy you are to see them. You do not have to go as far as expressing canine delight but you can smile and greet them enthusiastically, call them by their name and listen attentively. If you behave with the warmth of an aquarium fish you can expect the relationship to develop accordingly.

這個過程非常簡單。在潛意識層面上，你的伴侶會想：“我遇到了一個很高興見到我的人。我在這個世界上一定有意義。這個人證實了這一點。多麼愉快、迷人的人！”人們出於習慣會問：“你好嗎？”期待標準的回答。

The way it works is very simple. On a subconscious level your partner will think: “I have met a person who is happy to see me. I must mean something in this world. This person confirms it. What a pleasant, attractive person!” People ask: “How are you?” out of habit expecting the standard response.

在任何對話中，注意力和參與必須是真誠的。沒有什麼比將對話提升到禮儀的層次更讓人反感和無趣的了。人們像穿戴配飾一樣勉強微笑。這不如說是一條領帶而不是微笑。任何偏離常規的回答都被視為異常。沒有人真正關心別人的問題，那麼問的意義何在？

Attention and participation in any dialogue must be genuine. There is nothing more off-putting and sterile than a dialogue raised to the order of etiquette. People pull on a smile as if it were just another accessory. It might as well be a tie than a smile. Any answer that deviates from the norm is considered an anomaly. Nobody cares about other peoples’ problems really, so what is the point in asking?

你可以通過以他們特有的頻率發射能量來與你正在交流的人產生共鳴。每個人都有自己的共鳴頻率，自己的「forte」（特長）；他們特別熱衷、感興趣或引以為豪的事情。人的「forte」（特長）就像一根在他們共鳴頻率上發聲的音樂弦。如果你能確定一個人的真正熱情，與他們討論這個話題；給他們表達自己的機會。這是與某人建立聯繫的最有效方法。如果你能捕捉到他們的「forte」（特長），吸引他們將會變得容易。

You can be in resonance with someone you are communicating with by radiating energy at their characteristic frequency. Everyone has their own resonant frequency, their own “forte”; the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in or proud of. A person’s forte is like a musical string that sounds at their resonant frequency. If you can determine a person’s true passion, discuss it with them; give them the chance to express themselves. This is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone. If you can catch the thread of their ‘forte’ wooing them will be easy.

你可以通過請求他們幫助你解決某些困難或請他們幫你做一點小事來輕鬆贏得一個人的好感。當你請求你的伴侶幫忙時，你放棄了自己的「重要性」（Importance），增加了他們的「重要性」（Importance）。如果你表達出你需要他們的幫助並給他們機會表達自己，他們會感到更重要，強調他們的意義。

You can easily win a person’s favour by asking for their help with some difficulty or asking them to do you a small favour. When you ask your partner for a favour you abandon your own importance and increase theirs. Your partner will feel more significant if you convey that you need their help and give them an opportunity to express themselves, emphasizing their significance.

如果那個人能提供你所請求的服務，他們會在你身邊感到被需要，你無疑會贏得他們的好感。個人自我價值的感覺對人們來說意義重大。任何你能激發這種感覺的人都會記住你一生的慷慨。毫無疑問，你仍然感激那些在過去重視你優勢的人。

If the person can provide you with the service you requested they will feel needed when they are with you and you will no doubt win their favour. The feeling of personal self-worth means a great deal to people. Anyone you manage to inspire this feeling in will remember your generosity to the end of their days. No doubt you are still grateful to people who have valued your strengths in the past.

你可能認為我誇大了自我價值的重要性，這是對的，如果你從「frailing」（調和）的角度看人，似乎每個人都認為自己是國王。然而，自我價值在塑造人類行為和動機中扮演著至關重要的角色。你認為什麼會讓一個人感到最受傷？也許是當他們感到被忽視、被侮辱、被打或被殘害？不，一個人受到的傷害最深的是當他們被貶低時。

You might think that I exaggerate the significance of self-worth and it is true, if you look at people from the point of view of frailing, it can seem like everyone considers themselves king. Nonetheless, self-worth plays an essential role in shaping human behaviour and motivation. What do you think causes a person to feel the most hurt? Perhaps when they feel ignored, insulted, are beaten or maimed? No, a person is wounded most deeply when they are degraded.

除了生命本身，人們最珍惜的就是他們的自我價值感。除了感到身體上的飢餓，最強烈的飢餓是對權力的渴望。這自然代表了對自我價值的戰鬥的極端和最終階段。不是很多人能達到這個階段，但當一個人在物質上沒有更多的願望時，他們就會陷入對權力的戰鬥。沒有什麼比權力更能激發人們的興奮，因此你可以想像自我價值感在人的行動和動機中扮演的角色。

Aside from life itself, people cherish nothing more dearly than their sense of self-worth. The most powerful hunger, aside from feeling physical hungry, is being hungry for power. This naturally represents the extreme and final stage of the battle for self-worth. Not many people get to this stage and yet when there is nothing more a person could wish for in a material sense they are left with the battle for power. Nothing excites people more than power so you can imagine the role the feeling of self-worth plays in people’s actions and motivations.

任何形式的批評都會打擊一個人的自我價值。批評是一種反「frailing」（調和）。永遠不要當面告訴任何人他們錯了。即使你確信自己是對的，保持中立的立場會更有利。這樣你就能避免削弱對方的自我價值感，並保護自己免受平衡力量的影響。

Criticism in any form knocks a person’s self-worth. Criticism is a kind of anti- frailing. Never tell anyone to their face that they are wrong. Even if you are confident that you are in the right it is much more beneficial to remain a position of neutrality. That way you will avoid undermining the other person’s sense of self-worth and protect yourself from the action of balanced forces.

我們傷害彼此的另一種方式是觸及我們的負面「slide」（幻影）。「slide」（幻影）懸掛在「重要性」（Importance）的電影上，因此當你撞擊「slide」（幻影）時，你觸及了一個開放的傷口。負面「slide」（幻影）是人們不喜歡自己的一幅畫。如你所知，擁有負面「slide」（幻影）的人會試圖隱藏他們不想要的特質，並將其投射到他人身上。試著進行反指控，即將投射物還給其擁有者，你會驚訝於它引發的劇烈反應。沒有什麼能說服那個人承認你是對的，他們更有可能成為你最糟糕的敵人。最好不要碰觸他人的負面「slide」（幻影），更不用說試圖向他們解釋這一切都是他們腦海中的負面「slide」（幻影）。

Another way that we hurt each other is by touching on our negative slides. The slide hangs on the film of importance and so when you knock the slide you touch on an open wound. The negative slide is a picture of what the person does not like about themselves. As you know, people with negative slides try to hide their unwanted qualities and project them onto others. Try making a counter accusation, i.e. handing the projection back to its owner, and you will be surprised by the turbulent reaction it evokes. Nothing will persuade that person to admit that you are right and they are more likely to become your worst enemy. It is better to leave other people’s negative slides alone, to say nothing of trying to explain to them that it is all a negative slide in their head.

愛情當然是調和另一個人「fraile」（特質）的最完美方式。解釋愛情如何發生以及為什麼發生是困難的，甚至是不可能的，這個主題已經有很多的文獻。相互的愛要求我們放棄擁有的權利，無條件地給予我們的愛。只要它不變成依賴關係，愛就可以在開花後被保留，但你無法強迫自己墜入愛河。這是我對愛情主題所能說的全部。

Being in love is of course the most perfect way of attuning to another’s fraile. It is difficult if not impossible to explain how and why love happens and so much has been written on this theme already. Mutual love demands that we let go of the right to possess and simply give our love unconditionally. As long as it is not turned into a dependent relationship love can be preserved once it has already flowered, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love. That is all I can say on the subject of love.

所以在這裡，我大致描述了「frailing」（調和）的原則。我所描述的關係，分為由「意圖」（intention）引導的和隨波逐流的，純粹是相對的。隨波逐流的關係可以從「意圖」（intention）的角度進行檢視，反之亦然。最終，這一切都歸結於「frailing」（調和）。你調和到你伴侶的頻率；你們都以相同的方式轉動；你在那個人的利益中行動，朝著相同的方向前進，結果，你達成了你通過內在「意圖」（inner intention）的標準方法永遠無法達成的事情。

So here I have roughly described the principles of frailing. The way I have described relationships as those directed by intention and those that go with the flow is purely relative. Relationships that go with the flow can be examined from the position of intention and vice versa. In the end it is all down to frailing. You attune to your partner’s frequency; you both turn in the same way; you act in that person’s interests moving in the same direction and as a result, you achieve something you could never have achieved via the standard methods of inner intention.