人際關係的流動

The Flow of Relationships

多數人或公司都會生產某種供消費的產品，那麼你如何激發消費者購買你產品的慾望呢？如果你認為他們僅僅因為你的產品極為出色就會選擇它，那你就大錯特錯了。一般由內在意圖 (Intention) 驅動的人常犯的錯誤，就是認為「人們一定會買我們的產品，因為它是個傑作」。

Most people or companies produce some kind of product for consumption. So, how do you motivate consumers to want to buy your product? If you think they will choose yours simply because it is such a fantastic product you are sadly mistaken. A typical mistake people make when they are directed by inner intention is to assume the standpoint that: “People are bound to buy our product because ours is a masterpiece”.

這種立場有三個主要缺陷。首先，稱「我們的產品是傑作」這句話，充斥著強烈的內在重要性 (Importance) 意識，你假定自己的創造完美無缺，因而對你而言顯得格外重要，這使你無法客觀評價，因為你過於牽掛。其次，內在意圖 (Intention) 僅著眼於銷售，但在人們眼中，你的產品根本就不是傑作，別人的銷售意圖對他們毫無吸引力。最後，這種由內在意圖 (Intention) 所驅動的方法最大的錯誤，在於它以產品為中心，而非以顧客需求為導向。內在意圖 (Intention) 的狹隘關注往往會創造出一個完美卻無人需要的產品，而這類情況屢見不鮮。

This position is flawed on three accounts. Firstly, the phrase “ours is a masterpiece” is strongly directed by inner importance. You assume your creation is perfect, which means that it is important to you, and if this is the case, you will not be able to evaluate it objectively because you are not sufficiently indifferent. Secondly, inner intention is aimed at selling, but people will not want to buy because, in their eyes, your creation is not a masterpiece at all, and someone else’s intention to sell is of no interest to them whatsoever. Finally, the greatest mistake of this approach directed by inner intention is that it centres around the product, rather than the customers’ needs. The narrow focus of inner intention creates the perfect product that no-one needs and it happens all the time.

外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的本質在於瞭解人們所期盼、所缺失、所需要、激勵他們的動力以及興趣所在。外在意圖 (Outer intention) 遵循著替代流 (Alternatives flow) 的運行。當你忙於從自己心中那層如玻璃天花板般的限制中創造出一件“傑作”時，其實你正與這股流動背道而馳。心智常常傾向於理想化自己的能力，完全沉浸於創造過程中，以致忽視外在世界發生的一切；它試圖將一切納入自己的管控之下。然而，消費需求難以掌控，因為它自有其運行規律、順著流動前進，且需要龐大資源來干預，哪怕如此，也未必能夠奏效。

The position of outer intention lies in determining what people want, what they are missing, what they need, what motivates them and what their interests are. Outer intention follows the alternatives flow. All the time that you are busy creating a “masterpiece” taken from the glass ceiling of your own mind, you are going against the flow. The mind is always prone to idealise its own abilities and it becomes so totally and utterly absorbed in the creative process that it fails to notice what is happening outside of that. The mind strives to subordinate everything to its control. However consumer demand is a difficult thing to control because it goes with the flow and always follows its own course. It takes huge resources to influence the flow of demand and even then, it does not always work.

心智無法預測市場趨勢，但幸運的是，它無需這麼做。你只需時刻關注這股流動，留意它軌跡中的微小變化。沒必要刻意創造需求對象，因為幾乎所有超前於時代的發明最終都未能真正實現，也難以獲得應有的回報。這並非意味著創新毫無價值，而是在告誡你：如果你打算靠一件超前時代的個人傑作來獲利，那你很可能會賭輸。當然，若你的發現極為傑出，或許能獨霸市場，但這種情況並非經常發生。

The mind cannot predict market trends but fortunately, it does not have to. All you need to do is stay abreast of the flow and note any minor changes in its course. There is no need to invent the object of demand. Almost all inventions that are ahead of their time do not end up being implemented and neither do they pay off. This does not mean that innovation has no place. The point here is that if you are counting on earning an income from a personal masterpiece that is ahead of its time you are likely to lose the bet. Of course, if your discovery is totally brilliant it might claim a winner-takes-all market but this does not happen all the time.

只有那些旨在滿足顧客當前需求的事業才有成功的保證。現在我們回到「如何讓人們願意購買你的產品」這個問題。答案是：你無法強迫他們購買。試圖使某人變得想買某物，無論是從本質上還是實際操作上，都極為困難。依賴內在意圖 (Intention) 行事，往往會讓你不得不硬推或強加自己的產品；而順應流動，外在意圖 (Outer intention) 則致力於洞察顧客真正想要什麼、以及他們的需求已在哪些地方得到了滿足。需求的變化正是由替代流 (Alternatives flow) 塑造的，而替代流 (Alternatives flow) 包含了所有答案，是唯一能保證成功的力量。

Only ventures that aim to fulfil their customers’ current demands can be guaranteed of success. Now we can return to the question of how to make people want to buy your product. The answer is: you cannot. Trying to make someone want to buy something is, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. Acting from inner intention you inevitably try to push or impose your product. Going with the flow, outer intention works towards tracking what the customers want and where their needs have already been satisfied. Changes in demand are shaped by the alternatives flow. The alternatives flow contains all the answers and is the only thing that can guarantee success.

基礎性的發現和發明常常由不同的人幾乎同時出現，這絕非巧合，而正是一種物質實現 (Material realisation) 現象在替代空間 (Alternatives space) 中運作的結果。一切必然誕生之物都有它的時機；直到最近，許多歸功於達文西的發明才終於以實體形式得以呈現。

It is no coincidence that fundamental discoveries and inventions are sometimes made by different people practically simultaneously. This is an example of the phenomenon of material realisation and how it moves through the alternatives space. Everything that must come into being has its time. Only very recently, have many inventions accredited to Leonardo da Vinci been implemented in physical form.

以上一切看似十分顯而易見，但當心智試圖脫離這股流動並試圖掌控局面時，往往會忘卻這個道理。我們曾經說過，替代流 (Alternatives flow) 是心智的一份極其豐盛的禮物。記住這一點，充分利用這份好運，這樣許多障礙都會悄然無聲地從你身邊溜走。

This would all seem quite obvious. However, the mind is liable to forget as it endeavours to break away from the stream and take control of the current. We have already talked about how the alternatives flow is a sumptuous gift for the mind. Remember this and make the most of the good fortune. If you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.

許多人際關係中的問題，往往源於心智與替代流 (Alternatives flow) 之間的對抗。批評正是這種抗爭的一個面向，直接反映了內在意圖 (Intention) 的運作；而鼓勵與對他人正面特質的信任，則更符合外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的精神。批評他人就像在與外在世界為敵，除了讓你發洩怒氣以外，並不會帶來任何真正的好處；相反地，鼓勵才是推動人際關係的真正動力。當你用內在意圖 (Intention) 試圖影響他人時，往往會選擇指責與批評；但當你強調對方的優點時，不論如何，你什麼也不會失去，反而能讓局面自然朝著對你有利的方向發展。

Many problems in relationships occur as a result of the mind battling against the alternatives flow. Criticism is one aspect of the battle and is the direct fruit of inner intention. Encouragement and trust in a person’s positive qualities is more concordant with outer intention. Criticising people is the same as fighting against the outside world. It will not bring any dividends unless you consider the need to vent your bile and provoke your enemy a dividend. In contrast, encouragement is a true driver in human relationships. We blame and criticise others when we are trying to influence them with inner intention. Yet, when you emphasise a person’s positive qualities, no matter what, you lose nothing and allow the situation to develop to your benefit.

千萬不要責怪任何人。很多人會自我譴責，並懷抱著罪惡感，但沒有人喜歡被他人責備。人們對自己可以要求得非常苛刻，甚至有時達到自虐的程度；然而，他們對來自他人的任何指責都會極為敏感。

Never blame anyone. Many people reproach themselves and carry a sense of guilt around with them, but nobody likes to be reproached by others. People can be extremely condemning in relationship to themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism, and yet they will take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.

不論指責對與錯，人們總是容易對批評感到冒犯，那麼批評究竟能帶來什麼？也許你能藉此宣洩怒氣，但同時你也在創造過剩潛能 (Exceed potential)，最終受苦的會是你自己。你永遠無法真正說服別人認識到自己的錯誤；即使他們聆聽你的指責，也很難完全承認，哪怕表面上附和。你或許能夠在犧牲他人的基礎上強勢表現自己，卻必須扮演操縱者的角色。

People will always take offense at criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not, so where does criticism get you? You might get to vent your bile but at the same time you create excess potential and end up being the one to suffer. You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong. They may listen to your accusations but are unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they agree with you superficially. You may be successful in asserting yourself at someone else’s expense or at establishing your power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.

如果這並非你的目標，那就放棄批評與指責。當你對他人的缺點表示不滿時，其實就等於在水中亂拍雙手，試圖逆流而上；相反，一旦你接受他人的不足，專注於他們的長處，你便會順應流動，這將帶來極大的裨益。

If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame. When you are disapproving of others and find them at fault you are in effect slapping your hands about on the water trying to swim against the current. When you resign yourself to other people’s shortcomings and concentrate on their strengths you go with the flow which is immensely beneficial.

除非你處於昏昏欲睡的狀態，否則你的守護者謎題 (Guardian's Riddle) 總能為你想要評判的人的行為找到解釋。作為你內在的見證者，守護者謎題 (Guardian's Riddle) 會阻止你衝動介入、引發爭吵。請後退一步，像旁觀者般觀察這場“遊戲”，並記住：批評只會帶來傷害，順應流動才是正道。

Unless it is dozing your Guardian will always find an explanation for the behaviour of the person you wished to judge. As the inner witness your Guardian will stop you from leaping headfirst into the game and starting a dispute or quarrel. Stand back and observe the game, as a spectator. Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.

指責與批評永遠不會帶來積極的成果，因為它們會打亂一個人的平衡，使其偏離原定方向。每個人都由自己的動機和慾望驅使，隨著流動向著某個特定目標前進。當你鼓勵某人時，不論如何，你都在以不破壞他們流動或動搖他們內心希望的方式，引領他們朝著有利的方向前進。鼓勵別人既不會侵犯他人的權利，也不會損害他們的自尊；這樣，你與他人的利益便會融為一體，且其慾望會與你相互呼應。

Blame and criticism can never lead to anything positive because they catch a person off balance, and knock them off the course they were following. Everyone is guided by their own motives and aspirations and is in a flow that is carrying them in the direction of a specific goal. When you encourage a person, no matter what, you urge them in a favourable direction without making them lose the flow or undermining their inner most hopes. When you encourage someone nobody’s rights are impinged upon and nobody’s pride is knocked. Your interests become one and their desires run parallel to your own.

當你受到批評時，你的感受會是如何？你可能拒絕接受，或試圖說服自己批評是有根有據的，但除非你同時形成了強烈的罪惡感，否則你根本不會完全接受批評。批評有時可以激勵你，讓你「按部就班」行事，但只有心智可以被強迫，心卻不可能被迫服從。心總會依照自己的意願行動，或阻撓心智做它認為應該做的事。批評使心成為心智的敵人，而鼓勵則能使心與心智攜手合作，共同前行。

How do you feel when you are criticised? You probably either refuse to take the criticism on board or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well- founded. In neither case do you actually accept the criticism outright unless of course you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime. Criticism can spur you on or make you behave ‘as you should’. However, only the mind can be coerced. It is impossible to force the hand of the heart. The heart will always either do what it wants to do or hinder the mind from doing what it thinks it should do. Criticism makes the heart an enemy of the mind – encouragement makes it an ally.

鼓勵是一股創造性的力量；批評則是一股破壞性的力量。成功擔任企業管理的領導者，並非那些只會指責庸俗工作的管理者，而是能夠營造出激昂氣氛，激勵人們高效工作、共同達成目標的人。當人們感受到自己的個人價值被真誠重視時，便會倍感動力而全力以赴。

Encouragement is a creative force; criticism a destructive force. The successful applicants for business management positions are not the managers who focus on criticising poor quality work which any idiot can do, but individuals capable of creating an atmosphere of enthusiasm in which people are motivated to work efficiently. People feel driven to work hard in contributing to a common goal when they feel their individual worth is being valued.

執意爭辯以證明自己正確，無疑只會樹敵。我們在「替代流 (Alternatives flow)」一章中已談到，竭力證明己見是多麼無意義且有害。如果爭論為關鍵性議題、而且你的利益迫使你無法讓步，那麼你可以選擇爭辯；但在其他情況下，就把那種在水中揮手抗衡流動的事留給他人吧。

Arguing to the end to prove your point is a sure way of making enemies. We have already discussed how senselessness and harmful it is to try and prove you are right at any cost in the chapter “The Alternatives Flow”. If the argument is critical and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue. In all other cases, leave the job of exercising the right to slap your hands around in the water to others.

贏得一場辯論永遠不會帶來實際好處，相反，你的對手或許能從你的努力中獲益。沒有人會感謝你指出他們自以為有理實則胡扯，若有人感謝，也只因其自我懲罰傾向和過度內疚。但對於這樣的人，贏得辯論又有何意義？如果這種爭辯不會損害你的利益，那麼不妨讓他人自由表達他們不同意的觀點；而你則能避免創造過剩潛能 (Exceed potential) 以及與流動對抗的局面。

Winning a debate will never pay dividends. Your enemy however may well benefit from your efforts. No-one will never thank you for pointing out that they have been talking rubbish with absolute confidence and if they do it is only because they have a tendency for self-flagellation and a heightened sense of guilt. Yet, what good is winning one over on a person like that? If it is not going to compromise your interests in any way, allow others to freely state what they feel they cannot agree with. You on the other hand will avoid creating excess potential and battling against the current.

爭辯的人通常只顧著爭論本身，對其他事情全然不理，彷彿沉睡得無法喚醒。為了避免被牽扯進這場遊戲，你必須甦醒並啟動你內在的守護者謎題 (Guardian's Riddle)。當多數人忙著參與辯論時，你不妨退回到觀眾席上旁觀這場表演。扮演一位明智的旁觀者大有裨益；在其他人固守著自己內在意圖 (Intention) 堅持個人觀點之際，你卻從窗邊退後，好好觀察四周，從中發現一個連爭論者也未曾想到的解決方案。記住，切忌強迫他們接受你的見解，你所能做的僅僅是一個建議，餘下的爭執留給對方處理即可。

People who argue are usually oblivious to anything else but the game. They are in such a deep sleep that they cannot be awakened. To protect yourself from being drawn into the game you have to wake up and switch on your inner Guardian. If several people are taking part in a debate come down into the auditorium and watch the performance from there. There is a huge advantage in playing the role of the judicious spectator. Whilst everyone else is trying to fulfil their inner intention insisting on their personal opinion you have flown backwards from the window pane and are taking a good look around. You will see a solution that would not have occurred to any of the disputants. Do not try and force it upon them though. All you can do is make a suggestion; leave the horn locking to the others.

若你在辯論中獲勝，其實可當作自己已經失敗。即便對手正式承認你是對的，你也可以肯定，在他們心中，仍有許多非正式的論點支持自己的觀點。不論如何，輸掉辯論的人必然會對自己的自尊造成重創，而那一擊究竟來自誰？正是成功證明自己觀點的人。

If you win the argument, you can consider yourself defeated. Even if your opponents have formally acknowledged that you are right you can be sure that in their minds they will have found numerous informal arguments in their own favour. Whatever the case, the one who loses the argument takes a knock to their self-esteem and who delivered the blow? The one who succeeded in proving their own point of view.

畢竟，你不會想揍人於面部，何況又何必去傷害他人的自我價值感呢？人們常以此方式互相冒犯，而那種侮辱常帶有隱藏的意味，因為傷害往往默默流淚。沒有人喜歡昭然揭露自己需要爭取自我價值，儘管我們每一步都在尋求確認，但大家都希望自然而然地擁有那份價值。

You would not want to punch another person in the face, after all; so why would you possibly want to deliver the same blow to their feeling of self-worth? People often offend each other in this way and the insult always has a hidden quality to it because the hurt is taken silently. People do not like to demonstrate their need to assert their self-worth openly. We are all supposed to have a sense of worth automatically, so no-one wants to reveal that they have to fight for theirs, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation at every step we take.

一個人即便在自尊受挫後保持沉默，也不代表他未受到傷害，也不等於他真正接受了那一擊。傷痛會繼續存在於他的潛意識中。當你在辯論中獲勝，可能感到自己地位上升，但你僅僅是以損害對手的完整性為代價而贏得了勝利。我們都知道，這些內在隱藏的傷痛最終會化作淚水，而敗者也永遠不會承認你新獲的價值。

Just because a person keeps quiet when their self-esteem has taken a knock does not mean that they were not hurt or had simply accepted the knock. The hurt will continue to live in them, not in their conscious mind but in their subconscious. When you win an argument you feel confident that you have risen in standing. However, you have only won by compromising the integrity of your opponent. We all know that the hidden hurt will end in tears eventually. Moreover, the defeated opponent will never acknowledge your newly acclaimed worth.

若你要讓他人與你為敵，最直接的方法就是讓他們知道你比他們優越。記住「不要為自己樹立偶像，也不要創造敵人」這一至關重要的口號，這是建立順流而行的人際關係的基石。避免像瘟疫般傷害他人的自尊，這應成為一項禁忌；如此，你便能免於無窮無盡的問題與莫名的煩惱，這些煩惱往往源於那隱秘的自我價值打擊。

There is one sure way to set a person against you which is to let them know how much better you are then they. “Do not make idols for yourselves and do not create enemies” is the most important slogan you could have for creating relationships that go with the flow. Avoid injuring other peoples’ sense of self- esteem like the plague. Make it a kind of taboo. In so doing, you will save yourself from endless problems and niggling unpleasantries you will never know the reason for because of the hidden nature of the blow to self-worth.

與你爭辯的人實際上是在竭力保護他們自己的價值感，所以你不妨與他們半途而合，多加認同他們的觀點。這樣，他們便能得到他們所渴求的認可，同時你也能平靜地表達自己的看法，而不必強行堅持或一味證明。採取這種做法，不僅是順應流動，更是在實踐外在意圖 (Outer intention)，其效果遠勝過那些複雜而花哨的智力手段。

What the person arguing with you is really trying to do is protect their own sense of worth in one way or another so meet them half-way. Agree with what they are trying to say. By agreeing you will have given the person what they wanted enabling you to calmly express your own point of view without having to insist or prove anything. When you take this approach you not only go with the flow; you implement outer intention. The results will be beyond compare and far superior to anything you could have achieved via sophisticated intellectual contrivances.

從一開始就把對話氛圍設定為一致認同的基調至關重要。如果對方的第一個回應就是「不」，那麼你就可以認為說服對方已無可能，因為對話對方已朝著與你不同的方向發展。開啟對話時，最好讓對方第一個字是「是」。千萬不要以敏感議題作為開場，無論你選擇哪個話題，只要對方先表示同意，你便有機會順利引導到更具爭議性的議題。這樣，雙方因慣性而同向流動，彼此間的思緒便不會陷入不協調，你達成目的的可能性也大大提高。

It is essential that the tone of the conversation be set to one of agreement from the very beginning. If the first thing a person utters in response to your opening phrase is “No”, you can consider that trying to convince them of anything is totally out of the question. The person you are talking to has taken a different turning and there is no chance of them now going with the flow together with their conversation partner. It is important to start a conversation in such a way that the first word a person says is “yes”. Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue. It does not matter what topic of conversation you choose to start with, as long as your conversant agrees with you. Later, you can smoothly navigate the conversation towards more contentious issues. There will now be a much greater chance of achieving the outcome you desire because by inertia both are moving in the same direction and going with the flow. The thought energy of the conversants will avoid being brought into dissonance.

如果你在某處疏忽，原本預期會受到公正地指責，請不要急著辯護，而應主動承認錯誤。這樣，那個原本打算將正義之怒發洩於你的人，可能會轉而採取更寬容、慷慨的態度。在這情況下，「進攻是最好的防守」這句話並不適用，因為你已提前與對方的論點默契一致，給了他們行動的綠燈。你那預先的屈服，正實現了對方讓你就位的內在意圖，同時也提升了他們的影響力。由於這一切都是你自願採取，而非被迫，你的自尊不會受到絲毫損害。這樣一來，你便一舉兩得：不僅提升了對方的地位，讓他們心存感激，而且也保全了自己的完整性。

If somewhere you have slipped up and are expecting to be blamed fairly, try not to get all prepared to defend yourself. Come forward in admitting your mistake. Then, the person who had intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance. In this instance the saying ‘attack is the greatest form of defence’ does not apply. You have effectively agreed in advance with your opponent’s line of argument giving their intention the green light. Your anticipatory submissiveness realises their inner intention to put you in your place at the same time as increasing their own magnitude. Because you have taken the step voluntarily without being forced into it your self-esteem will not suffer in the slightest. You end up killing two birds with one stone: you increase the standing of your opponent for which they will be grateful, and you keep your own integrity.

當你用辯護和自我辯解來為錯誤找藉口時，其實是在逆流而上，把你的能量交給擺錘 (Pendulum)。無論何種情況，辯解的慾望都源自過於強調內在重要性 (Importance)。放下這癱瘓你的包袱，給自己犯錯的權利，並允許自己犯錯；不要試圖辯解，只需承認錯誤，你便會立即感到釋然。

By defending yourself and trying to justify your mistakes you end up rowing against the tide and giving your energy over to pendulums. Whatever the circumstances, the desire to justify yourself comes from heightened inner importance. Lay down this crippling burden, gift yourself the right to make mistakes and allow yourself to make them. Do not justify your mistakes, acknowledge them and you will immediately feel relieved.

在「替代流 (Alternatives flow)」一章中，我提到他人偶爾的惱人評論，其實可能非常有助於你。起初你可能冷眼旁觀，但最終你會發現，他人的建議往往比你最初想象得更加有道理。這些評論只有在你對某些事物過分強調內在重要性 (Importance) 時才會傷人。放下「重要性」(Importance)，停止與流動抗爭，接受對方的正確觀點，或至少記住這一點，你便能獲得更多幫助。

In the chapter “The Alternatives Flow” I mentioned that irritating comments other people sometimes make can actually be very helpful. Other people’s suggestions that you may at first have been inclined to take coldly can in the end turn out to have more sense than you initially thought. The comments and suggestions of others only hurt if we have somewhere heightened inner importance. Drop importance and stop fighting the current. Accept that the other person was right or at the very least, try to bear it in mind.

告訴對方他們的觀點是正確的，你就會看到效果。你不必非得發言，但還是試著說，因為你沒有什麼可失去的。每個人都會犯錯，不論是愚者還是智者，但只有聰明人能真正承認自己的錯誤。當你公開承認，對方確實是對的，你便贏得了他們的好感。

Tell the person that they were right about what they said and you will see the result. You are not obliged to say anything, but do it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Everyone makes mistakes, fools and thinkers alike, but unlike fools people with brains can acknowledge their mistakes. By admitting aloud, that the person was indeed right you win their good grace.

人們生活在一個充滿攻擊性的擺錘 (Pendulum) 世界中，隨時可能被迫堅守立場、自我防衛。而你突然提出願意為他們分擔這份責任，這樣一來，對方原本需要為捍衛自己立場而費心的問題便迎刃而解。他們立即感到釋然並對你的幫助心存感激，從此你不再是潛在的對手，而成為盟友。這些信息會在幾秒內傳入對方的潛意識。事實上，人們在清醒夢中思考的方式也是如此；而如果你修習正念，便會發現扮演旁觀者、見證他人正確思想，是一件既輕鬆又有趣的事。

People live in an aggressive world of pendulums where at any moment they may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves. Suddenly you are offering to do that for them. In this moment the problem of having to defend their position to you is pre-empted. They immediately feel a sense of relief and are grateful for the assistance afforded during battle. You are no longer a potential opponent but an ally. All this information passes through your partner’s subconscious in a matter of seconds. People think in exactly the same way in lucid dreaming. If however you practice mindfulness you will find it easy and even fun to adopt the role of witnessing others peoples’ right-mindedness.

當某人證明自己是對的時，其他人往往默然無聲，而你卻大方表達自己認為他確實正確。對那人而言，這一刻意義重大，他們會因此感激你，甚至覺得自己有所欠債，儘管這種認同大多存在於潛意識中。

When someone turns out to be right, other people usually keep quiet whereas you openly express your opinion that the person was right. For that person the moment will have huge significance and they will feel indebted or at the very least grateful to you, although for the most part the realisation will be subconscious.

試想我們生活在一片叢林中，人們必須時刻警惕，準備在即便表面看似友好的關係中，也能識別出潛在的對手。每個人都將自己置於首位，隨時準備自我防衛。這絕非誇大其詞，只是因為我們早已習慣了這種現實狀況。

Imagine what a jungle we live in. People have to be constantly on the look out, ready to spot potential opponents even in relationships that, on the surface of things, look relatively friendly. Everyone puts themselves first and is ever ready to defend themselves. This is no over-exaggeration. It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.

考慮到我們所處環境的本質，你可以成為那些已厭倦爭鬥之人的珍貴資源。試想一下，你能聚集多少盟友？只需捨棄對「重要性」(Importance) 的固執，毫不保留地肯定那些已被證明正確的人，你便能展現出自己的優勢——你是以清醒意識行動，而他人則處於沉睡狀態，因而永遠不會回報你的這份慷慨。如果他們能覺醒並用正念表達自己的看法，你可能會聽到他們說：「是的，這個人絕非愚笨，他們很友好，我真想進一步認識他們，真是一個好人。」

Given the nature of the environment we live in, you can become a real treasure for those who are already tired of the battle. Can you just imagine how many allies you could fine?! All it takes is to ditch importance and not hold back in acknowledging other people when you know that they are proven right. Your advantage is that you act with conscious awareness whereas other people are asleep and will therefore never thank you in return. If they could wake up and express their opinion or attitudes mindfully you would hear them say something along the lines of: “Yes, this person is far from stupid. They are nice. I would like to get to know them better. What a sweetie.”

沒有人會大聲說出這些話，甚至可能不會對自己默默想起，但若能讓潛意識的聲音得以表達，便會是這樣的語調：想像腳下沉睡著金子般的寶藏。人們常常因被「重要性」(Importance) 所牽絆，而焦慮不安，卻未發現那些珍貴的金礦就藏在眼前。你擁有巨大的優勢：正念、放下「重要性」(Importance) 以及願意全心付出關注於他人。善用這份優勢，你便能在他人只能看到石頭之處，發現金光閃閃的財富。

No-one will say these words aloud and they may not even say them to themselves but this is what their subconscious feeling would sound like if it could be expressed. Imagine the gold that lies at your feet. People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance that they wander around failing to notice the nuggets lying right under their noses. You have a huge advantage: mindfulness, the absence of importance as well as the willingness to give others your attention. Make the most of your advantage and you will see gold where others can only see stones.

關係的流動

The Flow of Relationships

大多數人或公司生產某種消費產品。那麼，你如何激勵消費者想要購買你的產品？如果你認為他們會選擇你的產品只是因為它是一個如此出色的產品，那麼你就大錯特錯了。當人們受到內在意圖(Intention)的指導時，通常會犯一個典型的錯誤，即假設：“人們一定會買我們的產品，因為我們的產品是傑作。”

Most people or companies produce some kind of product for consumption. So, how do you motivate consumers to want to buy your product? If you think they will choose yours simply because it is such a fantastic product you are sadly mistaken. A typical mistake people make when they are directed by inner intention is to assume the standpoint that: “People are bound to buy our product because ours is a masterpiece”.

這個立場在三個方面存在缺陷。首先，“我們的是傑作”這句話強烈地受到內在重要性(Importance)的指導。你假設你的創作是完美的，這意味著它對你很重要，如果是這樣，你將無法客觀評估它，因為你不夠冷靜。其次，內在意圖(Intention)旨在銷售，但人們不會想要購買，因為在他們眼中，你的創作根本不是傑作，別人的銷售意圖對他們毫無興趣。最後，這種由內在意圖(Intention)指導的方法最大的錯誤在於它圍繞產品，而不是顧客的需求。內在意圖(Intention)的狹隘焦點創造了沒有人需要的完美產品，這種情況經常發生。

This position is flawed on three accounts. Firstly, the phrase “ours is a masterpiece” is strongly directed by inner importance. You assume your creation is perfect, which means that it is important to you, and if this is the case, you will not be able to evaluate it objectively because you are not sufficiently indifferent. Secondly, inner intention is aimed at selling, but people will not want to buy because, in their eyes, your creation is not a masterpiece at all, and someone else’s intention to sell is of no interest to them whatsoever. Finally, the greatest mistake of this approach directed by inner intention is that it centres around the product, rather than the customers’ needs. The narrow focus of inner intention creates the perfect product that no-one needs and it happens all the time.

外在意圖(outer intention)的位置在於確定人們想要什麼，他們缺少什麼，他們需要什麼，他們的動機是什麼以及他們的興趣是什麼。外在意圖(outer intention)隨著可能性流動(Alternatives flow)而行。當你忙於從自己的玻璃天花板中創造一個“傑作”時，你是在逆流而行。心靈總是傾向於理想化自己的能力，並完全沉浸在創造過程中，以至於忽略了外界發生的事情。心靈努力將一切都置於其控制之下。然而，消費需求是一件難以控制的事情，因為它隨著流動，總是遵循自己的路徑。需要大量資源來影響需求的流動，即便如此，也不總是有效。

The position of outer intention lies in determining what people want, what they are missing, what they need, what motivates them and what their interests are. Outer intention follows the alternatives flow. All the time that you are busy creating a “masterpiece” taken from the glass ceiling of your own mind, you are going against the flow. The mind is always prone to idealise its own abilities and it becomes so totally and utterly absorbed in the creative process that it fails to notice what is happening outside of that. The mind strives to subordinate everything to its control. However consumer demand is a difficult thing to control because it goes with the flow and always follows its own course. It takes huge resources to influence the flow of demand and even then, it does not always work.

心靈無法預測市場趨勢，但幸運的是，它不必這樣做。你所需要做的就是緊跟流動，注意其路徑中的任何小變化。無需發明需求的對象。幾乎所有超前於時代的發明最終都未能實施，也未能帶來回報。這並不意味著創新沒有立足之地。這裡的重點是，如果你指望從超前於時代的個人傑作中賺取收入，你可能會輸掉賭注。當然，如果你的發現完全出色，它可能會贏得一個贏者通吃的市場，但這並不總是發生。

The mind cannot predict market trends but fortunately, it does not have to. All you need to do is stay abreast of the flow and note any minor changes in its course. There is no need to invent the object of demand. Almost all inventions that are ahead of their time do not end up being implemented and neither do they pay off. This does not mean that innovation has no place. The point here is that if you are counting on earning an income from a personal masterpiece that is ahead of its time you are likely to lose the bet. Of course, if your discovery is totally brilliant it might claim a winner-takes-all market but this does not happen all the time.

只有旨在滿足顧客當前需求的企業才能保證成功。現在我們可以回到如何讓人們想要購買你的產品的問題。答案是：你不能。試圖讓某人想要購買某物，如果不是不可能的話，那就是極其困難的。從內在意圖(Intention)出發，你不可避免地會試圖推銷或強加你的產品。隨著流動，外在意圖(outer intention)致力於追踪顧客想要什麼以及他們的需求已經得到滿足的地方。需求的變化由可能性流動(Alternatives flow)塑造。可能性流動(Alternatives flow)包含所有答案，是唯一能保證成功的東西。

Only ventures that aim to fulfil their customers’ current demands can be guaranteed of success. Now we can return to the question of how to make people want to buy your product. The answer is: you cannot. Trying to make someone want to buy something is, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. Acting from inner intention you inevitably try to push or impose your product. Going with the flow, outer intention works towards tracking what the customers want and where their needs have already been satisfied. Changes in demand are shaped by the alternatives flow. The alternatives flow contains all the answers and is the only thing that can guarantee success.

基本發現和發明有時由不同的人幾乎同時完成，這絕非巧合。這是物質實現(Material realisation)現象及其如何在可能性空間(Alternatives space)中移動的一個例子。所有必須存在的事物都有其時間。直到最近，許多歸功於達文西的發明才以物理形式實施。

It is no coincidence that fundamental discoveries and inventions are sometimes made by different people practically simultaneously. This is an example of the phenomenon of material realisation and how it moves through the alternatives space. Everything that must come into being has its time. Only very recently, have many inventions accredited to Leonardo da Vinci been implemented in physical form.

這一切似乎都很明顯。然而，心靈容易忘記，因為它努力擺脫流動，控制當前。我們已經談過可能性流動(Alternatives flow)對心靈來說是一個豐盛的禮物。記住這一點，充分利用這個好運。如果你這樣做，許多障礙將不會影響到你。

This would all seem quite obvious. However, the mind is liable to forget as it endeavours to break away from the stream and take control of the current. We have already talked about how the alternatives flow is a sumptuous gift for the mind. Remember this and make the most of the good fortune. If you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.

許多關係中的問題是由於心靈與可能性流動(Alternatives flow)的鬥爭而產生的。批評是鬥爭的一個方面，是內在意圖(Intention)的直接產物。鼓勵和信任一個人的積極品質更符合外在意圖(outer intention)。批評人就像與外界鬥爭一樣。除非你認為發洩你的怨氣和激怒你的敵人是一種紅利，否則它不會帶來任何好處。相反，鼓勵是人際關係中的真正驅動力。當我們試圖用內在意圖(Intention)影響他人時，我們會責備和批評他人。然而，當你強調一個人的積極品質時，無論如何，你都不會失去任何東西，並允許情況朝著對你有利的方向發展。

Many problems in relationships occur as a result of the mind battling against the alternatives flow. Criticism is one aspect of the battle and is the direct fruit of inner intention. Encouragement and trust in a person’s positive qualities is more concordant with outer intention. Criticising people is the same as fighting against the outside world. It will not bring any dividends unless you consider the need to vent your bile and provoke your enemy a dividend. In contrast, encouragement is a true driver in human relationships. We blame and criticise others when we are trying to influence them with inner intention. Yet, when you emphasise a person’s positive qualities, no matter what, you lose nothing and allow the situation to develop to your benefit.

永遠不要責備任何人。許多人責備自己，並帶著內疚感，但沒有人喜歡被他人責備。人們可能對自己極為苛刻，甚至達到受虐狂的地步，但他們會非常反感他人的任何指責。

Never blame anyone. Many people reproach themselves and carry a sense of guilt around with them, but nobody likes to be reproached by others. People can be extremely condemning in relationship to themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism, and yet they will take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.

無論人們是否有錯，或者指責是否公平，人們總是會對批評感到冒犯，那麼批評能帶來什麼呢？你可能會發洩你的怨氣，但同時你會創造過剩潛力，最終成為受害者。你永遠無法說服某人他們是錯的。他們可能會聽你的指責，但不太可能完全承認自己錯了，即使他們表面上同意你。你可能會成功地以他人的代價來確立自己的地位或權力，但這不會在不採取操縱者角色的情況下實現。

People will always take offense at criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not, so where does criticism get you? You might get to vent your bile but at the same time you create excess potential and end up being the one to suffer. You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong. They may listen to your accusations but are unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they agree with you superficially. You may be successful in asserting yourself at someone else’s expense or at establishing your power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.

如果這不是你的目標，放棄批評和責備。當你不贊同他人並發現他們有錯時，你實際上是在水中拍打雙手，試圖逆流而行。當你接受他人的缺點並專注於他們的優勢時，你隨著流動而行，這是非常有益的。

If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame. When you are disapproving of others and find them at fault you are in effect slapping your hands about on the water trying to swim against the current. When you resign yourself to other people’s shortcomings and concentrate on their strengths you go with the flow which is immensely beneficial.

除非你的守護者(Guardian)在打盹，否則它總會為你想要評判的人的行為找到解釋。作為內在見證者，你的守護者(Guardian)會阻止你頭腦發熱地投入遊戲並開始爭論或爭吵。退後一步，作為旁觀者觀察遊戲。記住，批評只會造成傷害，隨著流動而行。

Unless it is dozing your Guardian will always find an explanation for the behaviour of the person you wished to judge. As the inner witness your Guardian will stop you from leaping headfirst into the game and starting a dispute or quarrel. Stand back and observe the game, as a spectator. Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.

責備和批評永遠不會導致任何積極的結果，因為它們使一個人失去平衡，並使他們偏離他們所追隨的路徑。每個人都受到自己的動機和願望的指導，並在一個將他們帶向特定目標的流動中。當你鼓勵一個人時，無論如何，你都會促使他們朝著有利的方向前進，而不會讓他們失去流動或破壞他們最內心的希望。當你鼓勵某人時，沒有人會受到侵犯，沒有人會感到自尊受損。你的利益變成一致，他們的願望與你的願望平行。

Blame and criticism can never lead to anything positive because they catch a person off balance, and knock them off the course they were following. Everyone is guided by their own motives and aspirations and is in a flow that is carrying them in the direction of a specific goal. When you encourage a person, no matter what, you urge them in a favourable direction without making them lose the flow or undermining their inner most hopes. When you encourage someone nobody’s rights are impinged upon and nobody’s pride is knocked. Your interests become one and their desires run parallel to your own.

當你受到批評時，你有什麼感覺？你可能要麼拒絕接受批評，要麼試圖說服自己批評是有根據的。在任何一種情況下，除非你同時發展出自己的內疚情結，否則你都不會完全接受批評。批評可以激勵你或讓你“應該”行事。然而，只有心靈可以被強迫。強迫心靈的手是不可能的。心靈總是會做它想做的事情，或者阻止心靈做它認為應該做的事情。批評使心靈成為心靈的敵人——鼓勵使它成為盟友。

How do you feel when you are criticised? You probably either refuse to take the criticism on board or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well- founded. In neither case do you actually accept the criticism outright unless of course you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime. Criticism can spur you on or make you behave ‘as you should’. However, only the mind can be coerced. It is impossible to force the hand of the heart. The heart will always either do what it wants to do or hinder the mind from doing what it thinks it should do. Criticism makes the heart an enemy of the mind – encouragement makes it an ally.

鼓勵是一種創造性的力量；批評則是一種破壞性的力量。成功的企業管理職位申請者不是那些專注於批評低質量工作的經理，因為任何傻瓜都可以做到這一點，而是那些能夠創造出一種激勵人們高效工作的熱情氛圍的人。當人們感覺到他們的個人價值被重視時，他們會努力為共同目標做出貢獻。

Encouragement is a creative force; criticism a destructive force. The successful applicants for business management positions are not the managers who focus on criticising poor quality work which any idiot can do, but individuals capable of creating an atmosphere of enthusiasm in which people are motivated to work efficiently. People feel driven to work hard in contributing to a common goal when they feel their individual worth is being valued.

爭論到最後以證明你的觀點是一種確保樹敵的方法。我們已經在“可能性流動(Alternatives Flow)”一章中討論過，試圖不惜一切代價證明自己是對的有多麼無意義和有害。如果爭論至關重要，而你的利益無法讓步，那就繼續爭論。在所有其他情況下，將在水中拍打雙手的權利留給他人。

Arguing to the end to prove your point is a sure way of making enemies. We have already discussed how senselessness and harmful it is to try and prove you are right at any cost in the chapter “The Alternatives Flow”. If the argument is critical and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue. In all other cases, leave the job of exercising the right to slap your hands around in the water to others.

贏得辯論永遠不會帶來紅利。然而，你的敵人可能會從你的努力中受益。沒有人會感謝你指出他們自信地說了一些廢話，如果他們這樣做，那只是因為他們有自我鞭笞的傾向和強烈的內疚感。然而，贏得這樣一個人的好處是什麼呢？如果這不會以任何方式損害你的利益，讓他人自由地表達他們無法同意的觀點。另一方面，你將避免創造過剩潛力和逆流而戰。

Winning a debate will never pay dividends. Your enemy however may well benefit from your efforts. No-one will never thank you for pointing out that they have been talking rubbish with absolute confidence and if they do it is only because they have a tendency for self-flagellation and a heightened sense of guilt. Yet, what good is winning one over on a person like that? If it is not going to compromise your interests in any way, allow others to freely state what they feel they cannot agree with. You on the other hand will avoid creating excess potential and battling against the current.

爭論的人通常只關心遊戲本身。他們處於如此深的睡眠中，以至於無法被喚醒。為了保護自己不被捲入遊戲中，你必須醒來並啟動你的內在守護者(Guardian)。如果有幾個人參加辯論，走下來到觀眾席，從那裡觀看表演。扮演明智旁觀者的角色有很大的優勢。當其他人都在努力實現他們的內在意圖(Intention)，堅持自己的個人觀點時，你已經從窗戶飛回來，環顧四周。你會看到一個爭論者都沒有想到的解決方案。然而，不要試圖強迫他們接受。你所能做的就是提出建議；把爭論留給其他人。

People who argue are usually oblivious to anything else but the game. They are in such a deep sleep that they cannot be awakened. To protect yourself from being drawn into the game you have to wake up and switch on your inner Guardian. If several people are taking part in a debate come down into the auditorium and watch the performance from there. There is a huge advantage in playing the role of the judicious spectator. Whilst everyone else is trying to fulfil their inner intention insisting on their personal opinion you have flown backwards from the window pane and are taking a good look around. You will see a solution that would not have occurred to any of the disputants. Do not try and force it upon them though. All you can do is make a suggestion; leave the horn locking to the others.

如果你贏得了爭論，你可以認為自己被打敗了。即使你的對手正式承認你是對的，你可以肯定的是，在他們的心中，他們會找到無數非正式的理由支持自己。無論如何，輸掉爭論的人都會受到自尊的打擊，而誰造成了這一打擊？是那個成功證明自己觀點的人。

If you win the argument, you can consider yourself defeated. Even if your opponents have formally acknowledged that you are right you can be sure that in their minds they will have found numerous informal arguments in their own favour. Whatever the case, the one who loses the argument takes a knock to their self-esteem and who delivered the blow? The one who succeeded in proving their own point of view.

畢竟，你不會想要打另一個人的臉，那麼為什麼你會想要對他們的自我價值感造成同樣的打擊呢？人們經常以這種方式冒犯彼此，而侮辱總是帶有隱藏的特質，因為傷害是默默承受的。人們不喜歡公開展示他們需要捍衛自我價值。我們都應該自動擁有自我價值感，所以沒有人想透露他們必須為之奮鬥，儘管事實上我們在每一步都在尋求確認。

You would not want to punch another person in the face, after all; so why would you possibly want to deliver the same blow to their feeling of self-worth? People often offend each other in this way and the insult always has a hidden quality to it because the hurt is taken silently. People do not like to demonstrate their need to assert their self-worth openly. We are all supposed to have a sense of worth automatically, so no-one wants to reveal that they have to fight for theirs, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation at every step we take.

僅僅因為一個人在自尊受到打擊時保持沉默，並不意味著他們沒有受到傷害或只是接受了打擊。傷害將繼續存在於他們心中，不是在他們的意識中，而是在潛意識中。當你贏得爭論時，你會感到自信，認為自己的地位上升了。然而，你只是通過損害對手的完整性來獲勝。我們都知道，隱藏的傷害最終會以淚水告終。此外，被打敗的對手永遠不會承認你新獲得的價值。

Just because a person keeps quiet when their self-esteem has taken a knock does not mean that they were not hurt or had simply accepted the knock. The hurt will continue to live in them, not in their conscious mind but in their subconscious. When you win an argument you feel confident that you have risen in standing. However, you have only won by compromising the integrity of your opponent. We all know that the hidden hurt will end in tears eventually. Moreover, the defeated opponent will never acknowledge your newly acclaimed worth.

有一種確保讓人反感你的方法，就是讓他們知道你比他們優越多少。“不要為自己製造偶像，也不要製造敵人”是你創造隨波逐流的關係時最重要的口號。避免像瘟疫一樣傷害他人的自尊心。將其視為一種禁忌。這樣做，你將免於無盡的問題和你永遠無法知道原因的煩擾不快，因為對自我價值的打擊具有隱藏性。

There is one sure way to set a person against you which is to let them know how much better you are then they. “Do not make idols for yourselves and do not create enemies” is the most important slogan you could have for creating relationships that go with the flow. Avoid injuring other peoples’ sense of self- esteem like the plague. Make it a kind of taboo. In so doing, you will save yourself from endless problems and niggling unpleasantries you will never know the reason for because of the hidden nature of the blow to self-worth.

與你爭論的人真正想做的是以某種方式保護自己的自我價值感，所以與他們妥協。認同他們想說的話。通過同意，你將給予他們想要的東西，使你能夠冷靜地表達自己的觀點，而不必堅持或證明任何事情。當你採取這種方法時，你不僅隨波逐流；你實施了外在意圖(outer intention)。結果將無可比擬，遠遠超過你通過複雜的智力設計所能達到的任何成就。

What the person arguing with you is really trying to do is protect their own sense of worth in one way or another so meet them half-way. Agree with what they are trying to say. By agreeing you will have given the person what they wanted enabling you to calmly express your own point of view without having to insist or prove anything. When you take this approach you not only go with the flow; you implement outer intention. The results will be beyond compare and far superior to anything you could have achieved via sophisticated intellectual contrivances.

對話的基調必須從一開始就設定為一致。如果一個人在回應你開場白時說的第一句話是“不”，那麼你可以認為試圖說服他們任何事情都是完全不可能的。你正在交談的人選擇了不同的方向，現在不可能與他們的對話夥伴一起隨波逐流。重要的是以一種方式開始對話，使得一個人說的第一個詞是“是”。永遠不要以敏感問題開始對話。無論你選擇什麼話題開始，只要你的對話者同意你就行。之後，你可以順利地將對話引向更具爭議的問題。現在，實現你期望的結果的機會要大得多，因為慣性使雙方都朝著同一方向前進，隨波逐流。對話者的思想能量將避免陷入不和諧。

It is essential that the tone of the conversation be set to one of agreement from the very beginning. If the first thing a person utters in response to your opening phrase is “No”, you can consider that trying to convince them of anything is totally out of the question. The person you are talking to has taken a different turning and there is no chance of them now going with the flow together with their conversation partner. It is important to start a conversation in such a way that the first word a person says is “yes”. Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue. It does not matter what topic of conversation you choose to start with, as long as your conversant agrees with you. Later, you can smoothly navigate the conversation towards more contentious issues. There will now be a much greater chance of achieving the outcome you desire because by inertia both are moving in the same direction and going with the flow. The thought energy of the conversants will avoid being brought into dissonance.

如果你在某處犯了錯，並預期會被公平地責備，試著不要做好準備為自己辯護。主動承認你的錯誤。然後，那個本打算對你發洩正義憤怒的人可能會採取更慷慨和優雅的立場。在這種情況下，“攻擊是最好的防禦”這句話不適用。你有效地提前同意了對手的論點，給予他們意圖的綠燈。你的預期順從實現了他們將你放在適當位置的內在意圖(Intention)，同時增加了他們自己的重要性。因為你是自願採取這一步，而不是被迫的，所以你的自尊不會受到絲毫影響。你最終一箭雙雕：你提高了對手的地位，他們會感激你，而你保持了自己的完整性。

If somewhere you have slipped up and are expecting to be blamed fairly, try not to get all prepared to defend yourself. Come forward in admitting your mistake. Then, the person who had intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance. In this instance the saying ‘attack is the greatest form of defence’ does not apply. You have effectively agreed in advance with your opponent’s line of argument giving their intention the green light. Your anticipatory submissiveness realises their inner intention to put you in your place at the same time as increasing their own magnitude. Because you have taken the step voluntarily without being forced into it your self-esteem will not suffer in the slightest. You end up killing two birds with one stone: you increase the standing of your opponent for which they will be grateful, and you keep your own integrity.

通過為自己辯護並試圖為自己的錯誤辯解，你最終逆流而行，將你的能量交給"鐘擺"(Pendulums)。無論情況如何，為自己辯解的願望來自於內在重要性(Importance)的提升。放下這個沉重的負擔，給自己犯錯的權利，允許自己犯錯。不要為你的錯誤辯解，承認它們，你會立即感到如釋重負。

By defending yourself and trying to justify your mistakes you end up rowing against the tide and giving your energy over to pendulums. Whatever the circumstances, the desire to justify yourself comes from heightened inner importance. Lay down this crippling burden, gift yourself the right to make mistakes and allow yourself to make them. Do not justify your mistakes, acknowledge them and you will immediately feel relieved.

在“可能性流動(Alternatives Flow)”一章中，我提到其他人有時發出的惱人評論實際上可能非常有幫助。其他人最初可能讓你冷淡的建議最終可能比你最初想像的更有意義。只有當我們在某處提升了內在重要性(Importance)時，其他人的評論和建議才會傷害我們。放下重要性(Importance)，停止逆流而戰。承認其他人是對的，或者至少試著記住這一點。

In the chapter “The Alternatives Flow” I mentioned that irritating comments other people sometimes make can actually be very helpful. Other people’s suggestions that you may at first have been inclined to take coldly can in the end turn out to have more sense than you initially thought. The comments and suggestions of others only hurt if we have somewhere heightened inner importance. Drop importance and stop fighting the current. Accept that the other person was right or at the very least, try to bear it in mind.

告訴對方他們說的是對的，你會看到結果。你不必說什麼，但無論如何要這樣做。你沒有什麼可失去的。每個人都會犯錯，傻瓜和思想家都一樣，但與傻瓜不同，有頭腦的人可以承認自己的錯誤。通過大聲承認對方確實是對的，你贏得了他們的好感。

Tell the person that they were right about what they said and you will see the result. You are not obliged to say anything, but do it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Everyone makes mistakes, fools and thinkers alike, but unlike fools people with brains can acknowledge their mistakes. By admitting aloud, that the person was indeed right you win their good grace.

人們生活在一個充滿攻擊性的"鐘擺"(Pendulums)世界中，隨時可能被迫堅持立場並保護自己。突然間，你主動為他們做到這一點。在這一刻，必須向你捍衛他們立場的問題被預先解決。他們立即感到如釋重負，並感激在戰鬥中得到的幫助。你不再是潛在的對手，而是盟友。所有這些信息在幾秒鐘內通過你的夥伴的潛意識。人們在清醒夢中以完全相同的方式思考。然而，如果你練習正念，你會發現扮演見證他人正確性的角色既容易又有趣。

People live in an aggressive world of pendulums where at any moment they may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves. Suddenly you are offering to do that for them. In this moment the problem of having to defend their position to you is pre-empted. They immediately feel a sense of relief and are grateful for the assistance afforded during battle. You are no longer a potential opponent but an ally. All this information passes through your partner’s subconscious in a matter of seconds. People think in exactly the same way in lucid dreaming. If however you practice mindfulness you will find it easy and even fun to adopt the role of witnessing others peoples’ right-mindedness.

當某人被證明是對的時，其他人通常保持沉默，而你公開表達你的意見，認為那個人是對的。對於那個人來說，這一刻將具有巨大的意義，他們會感到欠你人情，或者至少感激你，儘管大多數情況下這種意識將是潛意識的。

When someone turns out to be right, other people usually keep quiet whereas you openly express your opinion that the person was right. For that person the moment will have huge significance and they will feel indebted or at the very least grateful to you, although for the most part the realisation will be subconscious.

想像一下我們生活在一個什麼樣的叢林中。人們必須時刻保持警惕，準備在看似相對友好的關係中發現潛在的對手。每個人都把自己放在首位，隨時準備保護自己。這並不是誇大其詞。只是因為我們早已習慣了目前的狀況，所以看起來是這樣的。

Imagine what a jungle we live in. People have to be constantly on the look out, ready to spot potential opponents even in relationships that, on the surface of things, look relatively friendly. Everyone puts themselves first and is ever ready to defend themselves. This is no over-exaggeration. It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.

鑑於我們所生活的環境特性，你可以成為那些已經厭倦了戰鬥的人的真正寶藏。你能想像你可以找到多少盟友嗎？！你所需要做的就是放下重要性(Importance)，在知道他們被證明是對的時候毫不猶豫地承認他人。你的優勢在於你有意識地行動，而其他人則在沉睡，因此永遠不會感謝你。如果他們能醒來並有意識地表達他們的意見或態度，你會聽到他們說類似的話：“是的，這個人遠非愚蠢。他們很好。我想更好地了解他們。真是一個好人。”

Given the nature of the environment we live in, you can become a real treasure for those who are already tired of the battle. Can you just imagine how many allies you could fine?! All it takes is to ditch importance and not hold back in acknowledging other people when you know that they are proven right. Your advantage is that you act with conscious awareness whereas other people are asleep and will therefore never thank you in return. If they could wake up and express their opinion or attitudes mindfully you would hear them say something along the lines of: “Yes, this person is far from stupid. They are nice. I would like to get to know them better. What a sweetie.”

沒有人會大聲說出這些話，他們甚至可能不會對自己說，但如果他們的潛意識感受可以表達出來，這就是它的聲音。想像一下你腳下的黃金。人們通常如此焦慮和被重要性(Importance)所累，以至於他們四處遊蕩，未能注意到就在他們鼻子底下的金塊。你有巨大的優勢：正念，沒有重要性(Importance)，以及願意給予他人注意。充分利用你的優勢，你會看到黃金，而其他人只能看到石頭。

No-one will say these words aloud and they may not even say them to themselves but this is what their subconscious feeling would sound like if it could be expressed. Imagine the gold that lies at your feet. People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance that they wander around failing to notice the nuggets lying right under their noses. You have a huge advantage: mindfulness, the absence of importance as well as the willingness to give others your attention. Make the most of your advantage and you will see gold where others can only see stones.

關係之流

The Flow of Relationships

大多數人或公司生產某種消費產品。那麼，如何激勵消費者想買你的產品？如果你認為他們會因為你的產品很棒而選擇你的，你就大錯特錯了。以內在意圖為導向的人常犯的錯誤是假設：“人們肯定會買我們的產品，因為它是傑作。”

Most people or companies produce some kind of product for consumption. So, how do you motivate consumers to want to buy your product? If you think they will choose yours simply because it is such a fantastic product you are sadly mistaken. A typical mistake people make when they are directed by inner intention is to assume the standpoint that: “People are bound to buy our product because ours is a masterpiece”.

這個立場有三個缺陷。首先，“我們的產品是傑作”這句話強烈受內在重要性驅動。你假設你的創作完美，這意味著它對你很重要，如果是這樣，你無法客觀評估，因為你不夠冷漠。其次，內在意圖旨在賣東西，但人們不會想買，因為在他們眼中，你的創作根本不是傑作，別人的賣東西意圖對他們毫無興趣。最後，以內在意圖為導向的這個方法的最大錯誤是它圍繞產品，而不是客戶的需求。內在意圖的狹窄焦點創造了沒人需要的完美產品，這種情況經常發生。

This position is flawed on three accounts. Firstly, the phrase “ours is a masterpiece” is strongly directed by inner importance. You assume your creation is perfect, which means that it is important to you, and if this is the case, you will not be able to evaluate it objectively because you are not sufficiently indifferent. Secondly, inner intention is aimed at selling, but people will not want to buy because, in their eyes, your creation is not a masterpiece at all, and someone else’s intention to sell is of no interest to them whatsoever. Finally, the greatest mistake of this approach directed by inner intention is that it centres around the product, rather than the customers’ needs. The narrow focus of inner intention creates the perfect product that no-one needs and it happens all the time.

外在意圖的立場在於確定人們想要什麼，缺少什麼，需要什麼，什麼激勵他們，他們的興趣是什麼。外在意圖隨另闢蹊徑之流 (Alternatives Flow) 前進。只要你忙於創造從自己頭腦玻璃天花板取出的“傑作”，你就在逆流而行。頭腦總是傾向於理想化自己的能力，完全沉浸在創作過程中，未能注意到外部發生的事。頭腦力圖將一切置於其控制之下。然而，消費者需求難以控制，因為它隨流而行，總是遵循自己的路徑。影響需求流需要巨大資源，即使如此，也並不總是有效。

The position of outer intention lies in determining what people want, what they are missing, what they need, what motivates them and what their interests are. Outer intention follows the alternatives flow. All the time that you are busy creating a “masterpiece” taken from the glass ceiling of your own mind, you are going against the flow. The mind is always prone to idealise its own abilities and it becomes so totally and utterly absorbed in the creative process that it fails to notice what is happening outside of that. The mind strives to subordinate everything to its control. However consumer demand is a difficult thing to control because it goes with the flow and always follows its own course. It takes huge resources to influence the flow of demand and even then, it does not always work.

頭腦無法預測市場趨勢，但幸運的是，它不必如此。你只需跟上潮流，注意其路徑的微小變化。無需發明需求的對象。幾乎所有領先於時代的發明最終未被實現，也無回報。這並不意味著創新無用。這裡的觀點是，如果你指望從領先時代的個人傑作中賺取收入，你很可能會輸掉賭注。當然，如果你的發現絕對出色，它可能贏得市場，但這並不常發生。

The mind cannot predict market trends but fortunately, it does not have to. All you need to do is stay abreast of the flow and note any minor changes in its course. There is no need to invent the object of demand. Almost all inventions that are ahead of their time do not end up being implemented and neither do they pay off. This does not mean that innovation has no place. The point here is that if you are counting on earning an income from a personal masterpiece that is ahead of its time you are likely to lose the bet. Of course, if your discovery is totally brilliant it might claim a winner-takes-all market but this does not happen all the time.

只有旨在滿足客戶當前需求的企業才能保證成功。現在我們回到如何讓人們想買你的產品的問題。答案是：你不能。試圖讓某人想買東西，如果不是不可能，也是極其困難的。以內在意圖行動，你不可避免地試圖推銷或強加你的產品。隨流而行，外在意圖致力於追蹤客戶想要什麼，哪些需求已被滿足。需求的變化由另闢蹊徑之流塑造。另闢蹊徑之流包含所有答案，是唯一能保證成功的東西。

Only ventures that aim to fulfil their customers’ current demands can be guaranteed of success. Now we can return to the question of how to make people want to buy your product. The answer is: you cannot. Trying to make someone want to buy something is, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. Acting from inner intention you inevitably try to push or impose your product. Going with the flow, outer intention works towards tracking what the customers want and where their needs have already been satisfied. Changes in demand are shaped by the alternatives flow. The alternatives flow contains all the answers and is the only thing that can guarantee success.

基礎發現和發明有時幾乎同時由不同人做出並非巧合。這是物質實現 (Material Realisation) 現象及其在另闢蹊徑之空間 (Alternatives Space) 中移動的例子。一切必須實現的東西都有其時機。直到最近，許多歸功於達芬奇的發明才以物理形式實現。

It is no coincidence that fundamental discoveries and inventions are sometimes made by different people practically simultaneously. This is an example of the phenomenon of material realisation and how it moves through the alternatives space. Everything that must come into being has its time. Only very recently, have many inventions accredited to Leonardo da Vinci been implemented in physical form.

這看似顯而易見。然而，頭腦在努力脫離潮流並控制潮流時容易忘記。我們已討論過另闢蹊徑之流如何是頭腦的豐厚禮物。記住這一點，充分利用好運。如果你這樣做，許多障礙會無聲無息地繞過你。

This would all seem quite obvious. However, the mind is liable to forget as it endeavours to break away from the stream and take control of the current. We have already talked about how the alternatives flow is a sumptuous gift for the mind. Remember this and make the most of the good fortune. If you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.

關係中的許多問題因頭腦與另闢蹊徑之流對抗而發生。批評是對抗的一個面向，是內在意圖的直接結果。鼓勵和信任一個人的正面品質更符合外在意圖。批評他人等於與外部世界對抗。除非你認為發洩怒氣和激怒敵人是回報，否則這不會帶來任何紅利。相反，鼓勵是人際關係的真正驅動力。我們試圖以內在意圖影響他人時，會責怪和批評。然而，當你無條件強調一個人的正面品質，你無損失，並讓情況對你有利發展。

Many problems in relationships occur as a result of the mind battling against the alternatives flow. Criticism is one aspect of the battle and is the direct fruit of inner intention. Encouragement and trust in a person’s positive qualities is more concordant with outer intention. Criticising people is the same as fighting against the outside world. It will not bring any dividends unless you consider the need to vent your bile and provoke your enemy a dividend. In contrast, encouragement is a true driver in human relationships. We blame and criticise others when we are trying to influence them with inner intention. Yet, when you emphasise a person’s positive qualities, no matter what, you lose nothing and allow the situation to develop to your benefit.

永遠不要責怪任何人。許多人自責並帶著內疚感，但沒人喜歡被他人責怪。人們對自己極其苛刻，甚至到達自虐的程度，但他們對他人的指責會非常反感。

Never blame anyone. Many people reproach themselves and carry a sense of guilt around with them, but nobody likes to be reproached by others. People can be extremely condemning in relationship to themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism, and yet they will take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.

人們總是對批評感到冒犯，無論他們是否錯了，無論指責是否公平，那麼批評能帶你到哪裡？你可能發洩了怒氣，但同時創造了過剩潛能 (Excess Potential)，最終受苦的是你。你永遠無法說服某人他們錯了。他們可能聽你的指責，但不太可能完全承認錯誤，即使表面同意。你可能成功以他人為代價確立自己或建立對他們的權力，但這離不開操縱者的角色。

People will always take offense at criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not, so where does criticism get you? You might get to vent your bile but at the same time you create excess potential and end up being the one to suffer. You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong. They may listen to your accusations but are unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they agree with you superficially. You may be successful in asserting yourself at someone else’s expense or at establishing your power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.

如果這不是你的目標，放棄批評和責怪。當你不滿他人並挑剔他們時，你實際上在水面上拍手，試圖逆流而行。當你接受他人的缺點並專注於他們的優點時，你隨流而行，這極其有益。

If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame. When you are disapproving of others and find them at fault you are in effect slapping your hands about on the water trying to swim against the current. When you resign yourself to other people’s shortcomings and concentrate on their strengths you go with the flow which is immensely beneficial.

除非在打盹，你的守護者 (Guardian’s Riddle) 總會為你想評判的人的行為找到解釋。作為內在見證者，你的守護者會阻止你一頭扎進遊戲，開始爭論或爭吵。退後一步，作為觀眾觀察遊戲。記住，批評只會造成傷害，隨流而行。

Unless it is dozing your Guardian will always find an explanation for the behaviour of the person you wished to judge. As the inner witness your Guardian will stop you from leaping headfirst into the game and starting a dispute or quarrel. Stand back and observe the game, as a spectator. Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.

責怪和批評永遠不會帶來正面結果，因為它們讓人失去平衡，打亂他們遵循的路徑。每個人由自己的動機和志向引導，處於帶他們朝特定目標方向的潮流中。當你無條件鼓勵一個人，你催促他們朝有利方向前進，不讓他們失去潮流或破壞他們內心的希望。當你鼓勵某人，沒人的權利被侵犯，沒人的驕傲被打擊。你的利益與他們的渴望平行。

Blame and criticism can never lead to anything positive because they catch a person off balance, and knock them off the course they were following. Everyone is guided by their own motives and aspirations and is in a flow that is carrying them in the direction of a specific goal. When you encourage a person, no matter what, you urge them in a favourable direction without making them lose the flow or undermining their inner most hopes. When you encourage someone nobody’s rights are impinged upon and nobody’s pride is knocked. Your interests become one and their desires run parallel to your own.

當你被批評時你感覺如何？你可能拒絕接受批評，或試圖說服自己批評有理。無論哪種情況，你都不會完全接受批評，除非你在此期間養成了個人內疚情結。批評可能激勵你或讓你“按應有的方式”行事。然而，只有頭腦可以被強迫。強迫心的手是不可能的。心總是做它想做的事，或阻礙頭腦做它認為應該做的事。批評使心成為頭腦的敵人——鼓勵使其成為盟友。

How do you feel when you are criticised? You probably either refuse to take the criticism on board or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well- founded. In neither case do you actually accept the criticism outright unless of course you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime. Criticism can spur you on or make you behave ‘as you should’. However, only the mind can be coerced. It is impossible to force the hand of the heart. The heart will always either do what it wants to do or hinder the mind from doing what it thinks it should do. Criticism makes the heart an enemy of the mind – encouragement makes it an ally.

鼓勵是創造力；批評是破壞力。成功的商業管理職位申請者不是專注於批評低質量工作的管理者，任何白癡都能做到這一點，而是能創造熱情氛圍、激勵人們高效工作的人。當人們感到個人價值被重視時，他們會被驅動為共同目標努力工作。

Encouragement is a creative force; criticism a destructive force. The successful applicants for business management positions are not the managers who focus on criticising poor quality work which any idiot can do, but individuals capable of creating an atmosphere of enthusiasm in which people are motivated to work efficiently. People feel driven to work hard in contributing to a common goal when they feel their individual worth is being valued.

爭論到底證明你的觀點是製造敵人的確定方式。我們在“另闢蹊徑之流”章節已討論過試圖不惜一切證明自己正確是多麼無意義和有害。如果爭論至關重要，你的利益絕不允許你退讓，那就繼續爭論。在所有其他情況下，將拍水行使權利的任務留給他人。

Arguing to the end to prove your point is a sure way of making enemies. We have already discussed how senselessness and harmful it is to try and prove you are right at any cost in the chapter “The Alternatives Flow”. If the argument is critical and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue. In all other cases, leave the job of exercising the right to slap your hands around in the water to others.

贏得辯論永遠不會帶來回報。然而，你的敵人可能從你的努力中受益。沒人會感謝你指出他們自信地說了胡話，如果他們這樣做，只是因為他們有自虐傾向和高度內疚感。然而，對這樣的人贏得一場勝利有什麼好處？如果這不會以任何方式損害你的利益，允許他人自由陳述他們不同意的觀點。而你則避免創造過剩潛能和與潮流對抗。

Winning a debate will never pay dividends. Your enemy however may well benefit from your efforts. No-one will never thank you for pointing out that they have been talking rubbish with absolute confidence and if they do it is only because they have a tendency for self-flagellation and a heightened sense of guilt. Yet, what good is winning one over on a person like that? If it is not going to compromise your interests in any way, allow others to freely state what they feel they cannot agree with. You on the other hand will avoid creating excess potential and battling against the current.

爭論的人通常對其他任何事都無視，只專注於遊戲。他們睡得如此深，以至於無法被喚醒。要保護自己不被拉進遊戲，你必須醒來並啟動內在守護者。如果幾個人參與辯論，來到觀眾席，從那裡觀看表演。扮演明智觀眾的角色有巨大優勢。當其他人試圖實現內在意圖，堅持個人意見時，你從窗戶玻璃後退，環顧四周。你會看到爭論者未想到的解決方案。但不要試圖強加給他們。你能做的只是提出建議；將角力留給他人。

People who argue are usually oblivious to anything else but the game. They are in such a deep sleep that they cannot be awakened. To protect yourself from being drawn into the game you have to wake up and switch on your inner Guardian. If several people are taking part in a debate come down into the auditorium and watch the performance from there. There is a huge advantage in playing the role of the judicious spectator. Whilst everyone else is trying to fulfil their inner intention insisting on their personal opinion you have flown backwards from the window pane and are taking a good look around. You will see a solution that would not have occurred to any of the disputants. Do not try and force it upon them though. All you can do is make a suggestion; leave the horn locking to the others.

如果你贏得爭論，你可以認為自己被擊敗。即使對手正式承認你正確，你可以確定在他們心中他們會找到許多非正式的自我有利論點。無論如何，輸掉爭論的人自尊受打擊，誰造成了這打擊？成功證明自己觀點的人。

If you win the argument, you can consider yourself defeated. Even if your opponents have formally acknowledged that you are right you can be sure that in their minds they will have found numerous informal arguments in their own favour. Whatever the case, the one who loses the argument takes a knock to their self-esteem and who delivered the blow? The one who succeeded in proving their own point of view.

你不會想打另一個人的臉；那為什麼你可能想對他們的自我價值感造成同樣打擊？人們常以這種方式冒犯彼此，傷害總有隱藏性質，因為傷害是默默承受的。人們不喜歡公開展示他們需要確立自我價值的需要。我們都應該自動擁有價值感，所以沒人想透露他們必須為自己的價值而戰，儘管我們在每一步都在尋找確認。

You would not want to punch another person in the face, after all; so why would you possibly want to deliver the same blow to their feeling of self-worth? People often offend each other in this way and the insult always has a hidden quality to it because the hurt is taken silently. People do not like to demonstrate their need to assert their self-worth openly. We are all supposed to have a sense of worth automatically, so no-one wants to reveal that they have to fight for theirs, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation at every step we take.

僅僅因為一個人自尊受打擊時保持沉默，並不意味著他們未受傷或僅僅接受了打擊。傷害會繼續存在於他們的潛意識中，而非意識頭腦。當你贏得爭論，你確信自己地位提升。然而，你僅通過損害對手的完整性獲勝。我們都知道，隱藏的傷害最終會以淚水結束。而且，被擊敗的對手永遠不會承認你新獲得的價值。

Just because a person keeps quiet when their self-esteem has taken a knock does not mean that they were not hurt or had simply accepted the knock. The hurt will continue to live in them, not in their conscious mind but in their subconscious. When you win an argument you feel confident that you have risen in standing. However, you have only won by compromising the integrity of your opponent. We all know that the hidden hurt will end in tears eventually. Moreover, the defeated opponent will never acknowledge your newly acclaimed worth.

有一個確定的方法讓一個人反對你，那就是讓他們知道你比他們好多少。“不要為自己製造偶像，也不要製造敵人”是你在創造順流關係時最重要的口號。像避瘟疫一樣避免傷害他人的自尊。將其視為某種禁忌。這樣，你會省去無數問題和莫名其妙的細微不快，因為自尊打擊的隱藏性質。

There is one sure way to set a person against you which is to let them know how much better you are then they. “Do not make idols for yourselves and do not create enemies” is the most important slogan you could have for creating relationships that go with the flow. Avoid injuring other peoples’ sense of self- esteem like the plague. Make it a kind of taboo. In so doing, you will save yourself from endless problems and niggling unpleasantries you will never know the reason for because of the hidden nature of the blow to self-worth.

與你爭論的人實際上在試圖以某種方式保護自己的價值感，所以與他們妥協。同意他們試圖說的話。通過同意，你給予他們想要的，使你能冷靜表達自己的觀點，無需堅持或證明什麼。採取這種方法，你不僅隨流而行；你實現外在意圖。結果無與倫比，遠超你通過複雜智力手段可能實現的任何東西。

What the person arguing with you is really trying to do is protect their own sense of worth in one way or another so meet them half-way. Agree with what they are trying to say. By agreeing you will have given the person what they wanted enabling you to calmly express your own point of view without having to insist or prove anything. When you take this approach you not only go with the flow; you implement outer intention. The results will be beyond compare and far superior to anything you could have achieved via sophisticated intellectual contrivances.

至關重要的是，從一開始就將談話基調設定為同意。如果對方對你的開場白的第一個回應是“不”，你可以認為說服他們任何事完全不可能。與你交談的人已走上不同方向，現在不可能與談話夥伴一起順流而行。重要的是以對方同意你的方式開始對話。開始談話時選擇什麼話題無關緊要，只要你的對話者同意你。後來，你可以順利將談話導向更有爭議的問題。現在實現你期望結果的機會更大，因為慣性使雙方朝同一方向移動，順流而行。對話者的思想能量不會陷入不和諧。

It is essential that the tone of the conversation be set to one of agreement from the very beginning. If the first thing a person utters in response to your opening phrase is “No”, you can consider that trying to convince them of anything is totally out of the question. The person you are talking to has taken a different turning and there is no chance of them now going with the flow together with their conversation partner. It is important to start a conversation in such a way that the first word a person says is “yes”. Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue. It does not matter what topic of conversation you choose to start with, as long as your conversant agrees with you. Later, you can smoothly navigate the conversation towards more contentious issues. There will now be a much greater chance of achieving the outcome you desire because by inertia both are moving in the same direction and going with the flow. The thought energy of the conversants will avoid being brought into dissonance.

如果 你某處失誤，預期被公平責怪，試著不要準備好為自己辯護。主動承認錯誤。然後，打算向你發洩正義之怒的人可能會採取更慷慨和寬容的立場。在這種情況下，“攻擊是最好的防禦”這句話不適用。你實際上提前同意了對手的論點，給予他們意圖綠燈。你預先的順從實現了他們將你置於應有位置的內在意圖，同時提升他們的地位。因為你自願採取這一步而非被迫，你的自我價值感絲毫不會受損。你一石二鳥：你提升了對手的地位，他們會對此感激，你保持了自己的完整性。

If somewhere you have slipped up and are expecting to be blamed fairly, try not to get all prepared to defend yourself. Come forward in admitting your mistake. Then, the person who had intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance. In this instance the saying ‘attack is the greatest form of defence’ does not apply. You have effectively agreed in advance with your opponent’s line of argument giving their intention the green light. Your anticipatory submissiveness realises their inner intention to put you in your place at the same time as increasing their own magnitude. Because you have taken the step voluntarily without being forced into it your self-esteem will not suffer in the slightest. You end up killing two birds with one stone: you increase the standing of your opponent for which they will be grateful, and you keep your own integrity.

通過為自己辯護和試圖為錯誤辯解，你最終逆流而行，將能量交給擺錘。無論情況如何，為自己辯解的渴望來自高漲的內在重要性。放下這個沉重負擔，給自己犯錯的權利，允許自己犯錯。不要為錯誤辯解，承認它們，你會立即感到解脫。

By defending yourself and trying to justify your mistakes you end up rowing against the tide and giving your energy over to pendulums. Whatever the circumstances, the desire to justify yourself comes from heightened inner importance. Lay down this crippling burden, gift yourself the right to make mistakes and allow yourself to make them. Do not justify your mistakes, acknowledge them and you will immediately feel relieved.

在“另闢蹊徑之流”章節中，我提到他人有時的惱人評論實際上非常有幫助。其他人可能最初讓你冷淡接受的建議，最終可能比你最初想的更有道理。他人的評論和建議只有在你某處高漲內在重要性時才會傷害你。降低重要性，停止與潮流對抗。接受對方是對的，或至少試著記住這一點。

In the chapter “The Alternatives Flow” I mentioned that irritating comments other people sometimes make can actually be very helpful. Other people’s suggestions that you may at first have been inclined to take coldly can in the end turn out to have more sense than you initially thought. The comments and suggestions of others only hurt if we have somewhere heightened inner importance. Drop importance and stop fighting the current. Accept that the other person was right or at the very least, try to bear it in mind.

告訴對方他們說的對，你會看到結果。你不一定要說什麼，但還是說吧。你沒什麼可失去。每個人都會犯錯，愚者和思想者一樣，但與愚者不同，有頭腦的人能承認錯誤。通過大聲承認對方確實正確，你贏得他們的好感。

Tell the person that they were right about what they said and you will see the result. You are not obliged to say anything, but do it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Everyone makes mistakes, fools and thinkers alike, but unlike fools people with brains can acknowledge their mistakes. By admitting aloud, that the person was indeed right you win their good grace.

人們生活在擺錘的侵略性世界中，隨時可能被迫捍衛立場保護自己。突然你為他們這樣做。在這一刻，必須向你捍衛立場的問題被預先解決。他們立即感到解脫，對戰鬥中的幫助表示感激。你不再是潛在對手，而是盟友。所有這些信息在幾秒內通過對方的潛意識。人們在清醒夢 (Lucid Dreaming) 中以完全相同的方式思考。然而，如果你練習正念，你會發現扮演見證他人正確性的角色既簡單又有趣。

People live in an aggressive world of pendulums where at any moment they may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves. Suddenly you are offering to do that for them. In this moment the problem of having to defend their position to you is pre-empted. They immediately feel a sense of relief and are grateful for the assistance afforded during battle. You are no longer a potential opponent but an ally. All this information passes through your partner’s subconscious in a matter of seconds. People think in exactly the same way in lucid dreaming. If however you practice mindfulness you will find it easy and even fun to adopt the role of witnessing others peoples’ right-mindedness.

當某人被證明正確時，其他人通常保持沉默，而你公開表達對方正確的意見。對那個人來說，這一刻意義重大，他們會感到欠你或至少對你感激，雖然大多數情況下這種意識是潛意識的。

When someone turns out to be right, other people usually keep quiet whereas you openly express your opinion that the person was right. For that person the moment will have huge significance and they will feel indebted or at the very least grateful to you, although for the most part the realisation will be subconscious.

想像我們生活在怎樣的叢林中。人們必須時刻警惕，準備發現潛在對手，即使在表面看來相對友好的關係中。每個人將自己放在首位，隨時準備自我防禦。這並非誇張。只是因為我們早已習慣現狀，看起來如此。

Imagine what a jungle we live in. People have to be constantly on the look out, ready to spot potential opponents even in relationships that, on the surface of things, look relatively friendly. Everyone puts themselves first and is ever ready to defend themselves. This is no over-exaggeration. It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.

鑑於我們生活的環境性質，你可以成為那些厭倦戰鬥的人的真正寶藏。你能想像你能找到多少盟友？只需放下重要性，毫不保留地承認他人被證明正確。你的優勢在於你以意識覺知行動，而其他人睡著，因此永遠不會回報感謝。如果他們能醒來並正念表達意見或態度，你會聽到他們說類似：“是的，這人不蠢。他們很好。我想更了解他們。真是個甜心。”

Given the nature of the environment we live in, you can become a real treasure for those who are already tired of the battle. Can you just imagine how many allies you could fine?! All it takes is to ditch importance and not hold back in acknowledging other people when you know that they are proven right. Your advantage is that you act with conscious awareness whereas other people are asleep and will therefore never thank you in return. If they could wake up and express their opinion or attitudes mindfully you would hear them say something along the lines of: “Yes, this person is far from stupid. They are nice. I would like to get to know them better. What a sweetie.”

沒人會大聲說這些話，他們甚至可能不對自己說，但這是他們潛意識感覺的表達，如果能被表達出來。想像在你腳下的黃金。人們通常如此焦慮並背負重要性，以至於他們四處徘徊，未能注意到鼻子下的金塊。你有巨大優勢：正念、沒有重要性以及願意給予他人你的注意力。充分利用你的優勢，你會在他人只看到石頭的地方看到黃金。

No-one will say these words aloud and they may not even say them to themselves but this is what their subconscious feeling would sound like if it could be expressed. Imagine the gold that lies at your feet. People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance that they wander around failing to notice the nuggets lying right under their noses. You have a huge advantage: mindfulness, the absence of importance as well as the willingness to give others your attention. Make the most of your advantage and you will see gold where others can only see stones.

關係的流動

The Flow of Relationships

大多數人或公司生產某種消費產品。那麼，你如何激勵消費者想要購買你的產品呢？如果你認為他們會因為你的產品是如此出色而選擇你的產品，那你就錯了。人們在受內在意圖驅動時，常犯的典型錯誤是認為：“人們一定會購買我們的產品，因為我們的產品是傑作”。

Most people or companies produce some kind of product for consumption. So, how do you motivate consumers to want to buy your product? If you think they will choose yours simply because it is such a fantastic product you are sadly mistaken. A typical mistake people make when they are directed by inner intention is to assume the standpoint that: “People are bound to buy our product because ours is a masterpiece”.

這一立場在三個方面是有缺陷的。首先，“我們的產品是傑作”這句話強烈受到內在重要性的驅動。你假設你的創作是完美的，這意味著它對你來說很重要，如果是這樣，你將無法客觀評估它，因為你並不夠冷靜。其次，內在意圖旨在銷售，但人們不會想要購買，因為在他們眼中，你的創作根本不是傑作，而其他人的銷售意圖對他們來說毫無興趣。最後，這一由內在意圖驅動的方法最大的錯誤在於它圍繞產品，而不是顧客的需求。內在意圖的狹隘焦點創造了沒有人需要的完美產品，這種情況經常發生。

This position is flawed on three accounts. Firstly, the phrase “ours is a masterpiece” is strongly directed by inner importance. You assume your creation is perfect, which means that it is important to you, and if this is the case, you will not be able to evaluate it objectively because you are not sufficiently indifferent. Secondly, inner intention is aimed at selling, but people will not want to buy because, in their eyes, your creation is not a masterpiece at all, and someone else’s intention to sell is of no interest to them whatsoever. Finally, the greatest mistake of this approach directed by inner intention is that it centres around the product, rather than the customers’ needs. The narrow focus of inner intention creates the perfect product that no-one needs and it happens all the time.

外在意圖的立場在於確定人們想要什麼，他們缺乏什麼，他們需要什麼，什麼激勵他們，以及他們的興趣是什麼。外在意圖遵循替代流。當你忙於創造一個“傑作”時，這是從你自己心智的玻璃天花板中取出的，你實際上是在逆流而行。心智總是傾向於理想化自己的能力，並完全沉浸在創造過程中，以至於未能注意到外部發生的事情。心智努力將一切都服從於其控制。然而，消費者需求是一個難以控制的事物，因為它隨著流動而變化，總是遵循自己的路徑。影響需求的流動需要巨大的資源，即使如此，這也不一定有效。

The position of outer intention lies in determining what people want, what they are missing, what they need, what motivates them and what their interests are. Outer intention follows the alternatives flow. All the time that you are busy creating a “masterpiece” taken from the glass ceiling of your own mind, you are going against the flow. The mind is always prone to idealise its own abilities and it becomes so totally and utterly absorbed in the creative process that it fails to notice what is happening outside of that. The mind strives to subordinate everything to its control. However consumer demand is a difficult thing to control because it goes with the flow and always follows its own course. It takes huge resources to influence the flow of demand and even then, it does not always work.

心智無法預測市場趨勢，但幸運的是，它不必這樣做。你所需要做的就是跟上流動，注意其走向的任何小變化。沒有必要發明需求的對象。幾乎所有超前的發明最終都不會實現，也不會帶來收益。這並不意味著創新沒有立足之地。這裡的重點是，如果你指望從一個超前的個人傑作中獲得收入，你可能會失去這場賭注。當然，如果你的發現是完全出色的，它可能會佔據一個贏者通吃的市場，但這並不總是會發生。

The mind cannot predict market trends but fortunately, it does not have to. All you need to do is stay abreast of the flow and note any minor changes in its course. There is no need to invent the object of demand. Almost all inventions that are ahead of their time do not end up being implemented and neither do they pay off. This does not mean that innovation has no place. The point here is that if you are counting on earning an income from a personal masterpiece that is ahead of its time you are likely to lose the bet. Of course, if your discovery is totally brilliant it might claim a winner-takes-all market but this does not happen all the time.

只有旨在滿足顧客當前需求的企業才能保證成功。現在我們可以回到如何讓人們想要購買你的產品的問題。答案是：你不能。試圖讓某人想要購買某樣東西，如果不是不可能，那麼也是極其困難的。從內在意圖出發，你不可避免地會試圖推銷或強加你的產品。順應潮流，外在意圖則致力於追蹤顧客想要什麼，以及他們的需求已經得到滿足的地方。需求的變化由替代流塑造。替代流包含所有答案，並且是唯一能保證成功的事物。

Only ventures that aim to fulfil their customers’ current demands can be guaranteed of success. Now we can return to the question of how to make people want to buy your product. The answer is: you cannot. Trying to make someone want to buy something is, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. Acting from inner intention you inevitably try to push or impose your product. Going with the flow, outer intention works towards tracking what the customers want and where their needs have already been satisfied. Changes in demand are shaped by the alternatives flow. The alternatives flow contains all the answers and is the only thing that can guarantee success.

基本的發現和發明有時幾乎是由不同的人同時完成的，這並非偶然。這是物質實現的現象的例子，以及它如何在替代空間中流動。所有必須出現的事物都有其時間。直到最近，許多歸功於達文西的發明才以實體形式實現。

It is no coincidence that fundamental discoveries and inventions are sometimes made by different people practically simultaneously. This is an example of the phenomenon of material realisation and how it moves through the alternatives space. Everything that must come into being has its time. Only very recently, have many inventions accredited to Leonardo da Vinci been implemented in physical form.

這一切似乎都相當明顯。然而，心智容易忘記，因為它努力擺脫流動並控制當前。我們已經談到過替代流對心智是一種奢華的禮物。記住這一點，充分利用這一幸運。如果你這樣做，許多障礙將會不受影響地過去。

This would all seem quite obvious. However, the mind is liable to forget as it endeavours to break away from the stream and take control of the current. We have already talked about how the alternatives flow is a sumptuous gift for the mind. Remember this and make the most of the good fortune. If you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.

許多關係中的問題是由於心智與替代流之間的鬥爭所造成的。批評是這場戰鬥的一個方面，是內在意圖的直接果實。對一個人積極品質的鼓勵和信任更符合外在意圖。批評他人就像是在與外部世界作鬥爭。除非你認為發洩你的怒火和挑釁你的敵人是一種收益，否則這不會帶來任何回報。相反，鼓勵是人際關係中的真正驅動力。當我們試圖用內在意圖影響他人時，我們會責備和批評他人。然而，當你強調一個人的積極品質時，無論如何，你都不會失去任何東西，並允許情況朝著有利於你的方向發展。

Many problems in relationships occur as a result of the mind battling against the alternatives flow. Criticism is one aspect of the battle and is the direct fruit of inner intention. Encouragement and trust in a person’s positive qualities is more concordant with outer intention. Criticising people is the same as fighting against the outside world. It will not bring any dividends unless you consider the need to vent your bile and provoke your enemy a dividend. In contrast, encouragement is a true driver in human relationships. We blame and criticise others when we are trying to influence them with inner intention. Yet, when you emphasise a person’s positive qualities, no matter what, you lose nothing and allow the situation to develop to your benefit.

永遠不要責怪任何人。許多人責備自己，並帶著內疚感，但沒有人喜歡被他人責備。人們對自己可能會非常苛責，甚至達到施虐受虐的程度，但他們會非常不高興地接受他人的任何指責。

Never blame anyone. Many people reproach themselves and carry a sense of guilt around with them, but nobody likes to be reproached by others. People can be extremely condemning in relationship to themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism, and yet they will take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.

人們總是會因批評而感到冒犯，無論他們是否錯了，或者指控是否公平，那麼批評對你有什麼好處？你可能會發洩怒火，但同時你創造了過剩的潛力，最終成為受害者。你永遠無法說服某人他們是錯的。他們可能會聽你的指控，但不太可能完全承認自己錯了，即使他們表面上同意你。你可能會在他人身上成功地主張自己，或建立對他們的權力，但這樣做並不會不帶上操控者的角色。

People will always take offense at criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not, so where does criticism get you? You might get to vent your bile but at the same time you create excess potential and end up being the one to suffer. You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong. They may listen to your accusations but are unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they agree with you superficially. You may be successful in asserting yourself at someone else’s expense or at establishing your power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.

如果這不是你的目標，就放棄批評和責備。當你不贊同他人並認為他們有錯時，實際上是在水面上拍打雙手，試圖逆流而行。當你接受他人的缺點並專注於他們的優勢時，你便隨著潮流而行，這是非常有益的。

If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame. When you are disapproving of others and find them at fault you are in effect slapping your hands about on the water trying to swim against the current. When you resign yourself to other people’s shortcomings and concentrate on their strengths you go with the flow which is immensely beneficial.

除非你的守護者在打瞌睡，否則他總是能找到解釋你想要評判的人的行為的理由。作為內在的見證者，你的守護者會阻止你頭朝下跳入遊戲並開始爭執或爭吵。退後觀察這場遊戲，作為一名觀眾。記住，批評只會造成傷害，隨波逐流。

Unless it is dozing your Guardian will always find an explanation for the behaviour of the person you wished to judge. As the inner witness your Guardian will stop you from leaping headfirst into the game and starting a dispute or quarrel. Stand back and observe the game, as a spectator. Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.

責備和批評永遠無法帶來任何積極的結果，因為它們會讓人失去平衡，並使他們偏離他們所追隨的路徑。每個人都受到自己動機和願望的指引，並在一個將他們帶向特定目標的流中。當你鼓勵一個人時，無論如何，你都在促使他們朝著有利的方向前進，而不讓他們失去流動性或削弱他們內心最深處的希望。當你鼓勵某人時，沒有人會受到侵犯，沒有人會受到打擊。你的利益與他們的願望變得一致。

Blame and criticism can never lead to anything positive because they catch a person off balance, and knock them off the course they were following. Everyone is guided by their own motives and aspirations and is in a flow that is carrying them in the direction of a specific goal. When you encourage a person, no matter what, you urge them in a favourable direction without making them lose the flow or undermining their inner most hopes. When you encourage someone nobody’s rights are impinged upon and nobody’s pride is knocked. Your interests become one and their desires run parallel to your own.

當你被批評時，你的感受如何？你可能要麼拒絕接受批評，要麼試圖說服自己批評是有根據的。在這兩種情況下，除非你在此期間已經發展出自己的內疚情結，否則你實際上並不會完全接受批評。批評可以激勵你，或者讓你表現得“應該如此”。然而，只有心智可以被強迫。心靈的手永遠無法被強迫。心靈總是會做它想做的事情，或者阻止心智去做它認為應該做的事情。批評使心靈成為心智的敵人——而鼓勵使它成為盟友。

How do you feel when you are criticised? You probably either refuse to take the criticism on board or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well- founded. In neither case do you actually accept the criticism outright unless of course you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime. Criticism can spur you on or make you behave ‘as you should’. However, only the mind can be coerced. It is impossible to force the hand of the heart. The heart will always either do what it wants to do or hinder the mind from doing what it thinks it should do. Criticism makes the heart an enemy of the mind – encouragement makes it an ally.

鼓勵是一種創造性力量；批評是一種破壞性力量。成功申請商業管理職位的人不是那些專注於批評低質量工作的經理，因為任何傻瓜都能做到，而是能夠創造一種熱情氛圍的人，使人們受到激勵高效工作。當人們感覺到他們的個人價值被重視時，他們會驅使自己努力工作以貢獻於共同目標。

Encouragement is a creative force; criticism a destructive force. The successful applicants for business management positions are not the managers who focus on criticising poor quality work which any idiot can do, but individuals capable of creating an atmosphere of enthusiasm in which people are motivated to work efficiently. People feel driven to work hard in contributing to a common goal when they feel their individual worth is being valued.

竭力爭辯以證明你的觀點是結仇的確保之道。我們已經討論過在“替代流”這一章中，試圖不惜一切代價證明自己是對的有多麼無意義和有害。如果爭論是關鍵的，而你的利益絕不允許你退讓，那麼就繼續爭論。在所有其他情況下，將拍打水面的權利留給別人。

Arguing to the end to prove your point is a sure way of making enemies. We have already discussed how senselessness and harmful it is to try and prove you are right at any cost in the chapter “The Alternatives Flow”. If the argument is critical and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue. In all other cases, leave the job of exercising the right to slap your hands around in the water to others.

贏得辯論永遠不會帶來回報。然而，你的敵人可能會從你的努力中受益。沒有人會感謝你指出他們自信滿滿地說了無稽之談，如果他們這樣做，那只是因為他們有自我懲罰的傾向和強烈的內疚感。然而，贏得這樣一個人的心有什麼好處呢？如果這不會以任何方式損害你的利益，那麼就讓別人自由地表達他們無法同意的事情。另一方面，你將避免創造過多的潛能並與潮流作鬥爭。

Winning a debate will never pay dividends. Your enemy however may well benefit from your efforts. No-one will never thank you for pointing out that they have been talking rubbish with absolute confidence and if they do it is only because they have a tendency for self-flagellation and a heightened sense of guilt. Yet, what good is winning one over on a person like that? If it is not going to compromise your interests in any way, allow others to freely state what they feel they cannot agree with. You on the other hand will avoid creating excess potential and battling against the current.

爭論的人通常對遊戲以外的任何事物都視而不見。他們沉睡得如此之深，以至於無法被喚醒。為了保護自己不被捲入遊戲，你必須醒來並啟動你內心的守護者。如果有幾個人參加辯論，請走到觀眾席，從那裡觀察表演。擔任明智觀眾的角色有著巨大的優勢。當其他人都在努力實現他們的內心意圖，堅持他們的個人觀點時，你卻從窗戶後退，四處觀望。你將看到一個任何爭論者都不會想到的解決方案。然而，不要試圖強加於他們。你所能做的只是提出建議；將角鬥留給別人。

People who argue are usually oblivious to anything else but the game. They are in such a deep sleep that they cannot be awakened. To protect yourself from being drawn into the game you have to wake up and switch on your inner Guardian. If several people are taking part in a debate come down into the auditorium and watch the performance from there. There is a huge advantage in playing the role of the judicious spectator. Whilst everyone else is trying to fulfil their inner intention insisting on their personal opinion you have flown backwards from the window pane and are taking a good look around. You will see a solution that would not have occurred to any of the disputants. Do not try and force it upon them though. All you can do is make a suggestion; leave the horn locking to the others.

如果你贏得了爭論，你可以認為自己是失敗者。即使你的對手正式承認你是對的，你也可以確信，在他們的心中，他們會找到許多非正式的理由來支持自己。無論情況如何，失去爭論的人會受到自尊心的打擊，而誰造成了這一打擊？成功證明自己觀點的人。

If you win the argument, you can consider yourself defeated. Even if your opponents have formally acknowledged that you are right you can be sure that in their minds they will have found numerous informal arguments in their own favour. Whatever the case, the one who loses the argument takes a knock to their self-esteem and who delivered the blow? The one who succeeded in proving their own point of view.

你不會想要打另一個人的臉，畢竟；那麼，為什麼你會想要對他們的自我價值感施加同樣的打擊呢？人們經常以這種方式冒犯彼此，而侮辱總是隱含著某種特質，因為傷害是默默承受的。人們不喜歡公開表達他們需要維護自我價值的需求。我們都應該自動擁有自我價值感，因此沒有人想要揭示他們必須為此而奮鬥，儘管我們都在每一步中尋求確認。

You would not want to punch another person in the face, after all; so why would you possibly want to deliver the same blow to their feeling of self-worth? People often offend each other in this way and the insult always has a hidden quality to it because the hurt is taken silently. People do not like to demonstrate their need to assert their self-worth openly. We are all supposed to have a sense of worth automatically, so no-one wants to reveal that they have to fight for theirs, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation at every step we take.

只是因為一個人在自尊心受到打擊時保持沉默，並不意味著他們沒有受到傷害或只是接受了這一打擊。傷害將繼續存在於他們心中，不是在他們的意識中，而是在他們的潛意識中。當你贏得一場爭論時，你會感到自信，認為自己地位上升了。然而，你只是通過妥協對手的完整性而獲勝。我們都知道，隱藏的傷害最終會以淚水結束。此外，失敗的對手永遠不會承認你新獲得的價值。

Just because a person keeps quiet when their self-esteem has taken a knock does not mean that they were not hurt or had simply accepted the knock. The hurt will continue to live in them, not in their conscious mind but in their subconscious. When you win an argument you feel confident that you have risen in standing. However, you have only won by compromising the integrity of your opponent. We all know that the hidden hurt will end in tears eventually. Moreover, the defeated opponent will never acknowledge your newly acclaimed worth.

有一種確保讓人反感的方式，就是讓他們知道你比他們好得多。“不要為自己製造偶像，也不要創造敵人”是你在建立隨波逐流的關係時最重要的口號。像瘟疫一樣避免傷害他人的自尊心。讓這成為一種禁忌。這樣做，你將使自己免於無盡的問題和無法理解的小不快，因為對自我價值的打擊是隱藏的。

There is one sure way to set a person against you which is to let them know how much better you are then they. “Do not make idols for yourselves and do not create enemies” is the most important slogan you could have for creating relationships that go with the flow. Avoid injuring other peoples’ sense of self- esteem like the plague. Make it a kind of taboo. In so doing, you will save yourself from endless problems and niggling unpleasantries you will never know the reason for because of the hidden nature of the blow to self-worth.

與你爭論的人實際上是在以某種方式保護他們自己的自我價值，因此與他們妥協。贊同他們所要表達的內容。通過贊同，你將給予對方他們想要的東西，使你能夠冷靜地表達自己的觀點，而無需堅持或證明任何事情。當你採取這種方式時，你不僅隨波逐流；你還實施外在意圖。結果將無法比擬，遠超過你通過複雜的智力手段所能達到的任何成就。

What the person arguing with you is really trying to do is protect their own sense of worth in one way or another so meet them half-way. Agree with what they are trying to say. By agreeing you will have given the person what they wanted enabling you to calmly express your own point of view without having to insist or prove anything. When you take this approach you not only go with the flow; you implement outer intention. The results will be beyond compare and far superior to anything you could have achieved via sophisticated intellectual contrivances.

設定對話的語調從一開始就必須是協議的。如果一個人對你開場白的第一句話是“不是”，你可以認為試圖說服他們任何事情都是完全不可能的。你所交談的人已經轉向了不同的方向，現在與他們的對話夥伴一起隨波逐流的機會已經沒有了。以這種方式開始對話是重要的，讓一個人說的第一個字是“是”。永遠不要以敏感問題開始對話。無論你選擇什麼話題開始，只要你的對話者同意你就可以。稍後，你可以順利地將對話引向更具爭議性的問題。現在達成你所期望的結果的機會將大大增加，因為由於慣性，雙方都在同一方向上移動並隨波逐流。對話者的思維能量將避免進入不和諧。

It is essential that the tone of the conversation be set to one of agreement from the very beginning. If the first thing a person utters in response to your opening phrase is “No”, you can consider that trying to convince them of anything is totally out of the question. The person you are talking to has taken a different turning and there is no chance of them now going with the flow together with their conversation partner. It is important to start a conversation in such a way that the first word a person says is “yes”. Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue. It does not matter what topic of conversation you choose to start with, as long as your conversant agrees with you. Later, you can smoothly navigate the conversation towards more contentious issues. There will now be a much greater chance of achieving the outcome you desire because by inertia both are moving in the same direction and going with the flow. The thought energy of the conversants will avoid being brought into dissonance.

如果你在某處犯了錯誤並期待被公平責備，試著不要做好準備來辯護自己。主動承認你的錯誤。然後，原本打算向你發洩正義之怒的人可能會採取更慷慨和優雅的立場。在這種情況下，“攻擊是最好的防禦”這句話並不適用。你已經有效地提前同意了對手的論點，給予了他們意圖的綠燈。你的預期順從實現了他們內心的意圖，同時增加了他們自己的重要性。因為你是自願採取這一步，而不是被迫的，所以你的自尊心不會受到絲毫損害。你最終一舉兩得：提高了對手的地位，他們會感激你，並保持自己的完整性。

If somewhere you have slipped up and are expecting to be blamed fairly, try not to get all prepared to defend yourself. Come forward in admitting your mistake. Then, the person who had intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance. In this instance the saying ‘attack is the greatest form of defence’ does not apply. You have effectively agreed in advance with your opponent’s line of argument giving their intention the green light. Your anticipatory submissiveness realises their inner intention to put you in your place at the same time as increasing their own magnitude. Because you have taken the step voluntarily without being forced into it your self-esteem will not suffer in the slightest. You end up killing two birds with one stone: you increase the standing of your opponent for which they will be grateful, and you keep your own integrity.

通過為自己辯護並試圖證明自己的錯誤，你最終會逆流而上，將你的能量交給擺動的擺錘。無論情況如何，想要證明自己的願望來自於內在的重要性。放下這個令人痛苦的負擔，給自己犯錯的權利，並允許自己去犯錯。不要為你的錯誤辯護，承認它們，你會立即感到輕鬆。

By defending yourself and trying to justify your mistakes you end up rowing against the tide and giving your energy over to pendulums. Whatever the circumstances, the desire to justify yourself comes from heightened inner importance. Lay down this crippling burden, gift yourself the right to make mistakes and allow yourself to make them. Do not justify your mistakes, acknowledge them and you will immediately feel relieved.

在“替代流”這一章中，我提到過其他人有時發出的惱人評論實際上可能是非常有幫助的。其他人的建議，起初你可能會冷淡對待，最終可能會發現比你最初想的更有意義。只有在我們某處有過高的內在重要性時，別人的評論和建議才會傷害到我們。放下重要性，停止與潮流作鬥爭。接受對方是對的，或者至少試著記住這一點。

In the chapter “The Alternatives Flow” I mentioned that irritating comments other people sometimes make can actually be very helpful. Other people’s suggestions that you may at first have been inclined to take coldly can in the end turn out to have more sense than you initially thought. The comments and suggestions of others only hurt if we have somewhere heightened inner importance. Drop importance and stop fighting the current. Accept that the other person was right or at the very least, try to bear it in mind.

告訴對方他們所說的確實是對的，你會看到結果。你不必說任何話，但還是這樣做。你沒有什麼好失去的。每個人都會犯錯，傻瓜和思想者一樣，但與傻瓜不同，有頭腦的人可以承認自己的錯誤。通過大聲承認那個人確實是對的，你贏得了他們的好感。

Tell the person that they were right about what they said and you will see the result. You are not obliged to say anything, but do it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Everyone makes mistakes, fools and thinkers alike, but unlike fools people with brains can acknowledge their mistakes. By admitting aloud, that the person was indeed right you win their good grace.

人們生活在一個充滿攻擊性的擺錘世界中，隨時可能被迫堅守立場並保護自己。突然間，你主動為他們提供這樣的幫助。在這一刻，必須向你辯護的問題被預先排除了。他們立刻感到一種解脫，並對在戰鬥中提供的幫助心懷感激。你不再是潛在的對手，而是一個盟友。所有這些信息在幾秒鐘內就會通過你的夥伴的潛意識傳遞。人們在清醒夢中以完全相同的方式思考。然而，如果你練習正念，你會發現採取見證他人正確思維的角色既容易又有趣。

People live in an aggressive world of pendulums where at any moment they may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves. Suddenly you are offering to do that for them. In this moment the problem of having to defend their position to you is pre-empted. They immediately feel a sense of relief and are grateful for the assistance afforded during battle. You are no longer a potential opponent but an ally. All this information passes through your partner’s subconscious in a matter of seconds. People think in exactly the same way in lucid dreaming. If however you practice mindfulness you will find it easy and even fun to adopt the role of witnessing others peoples’ right-mindedness.

當某人被證明是對的時，其他人通常保持沉默，而你則公開表達你認為那個人是對的。對於那個人來說，這一刻將具有巨大的意義，他們會感到欠你人情，或者至少對你心懷感激，儘管在大多數情況下，這一認識將是潛意識的。

When someone turns out to be right, other people usually keep quiet whereas you openly express your opinion that the person was right. For that person the moment will have huge significance and they will feel indebted or at the very least grateful to you, although for the most part the realisation will be subconscious.

想像一下我們生活在什麼樣的叢林中。人們必須時刻保持警惕，隨時準備在表面上看起來相對友好的關係中發現潛在的對手。每個人都把自己放在第一位，隨時準備保護自己。這並不是誇張。這只是因為我們早已習慣了當前的狀況。

Imagine what a jungle we live in. People have to be constantly on the look out, ready to spot potential opponents even in relationships that, on the surface of things, look relatively friendly. Everyone puts themselves first and is ever ready to defend themselves. This is no over-exaggeration. It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.

鑑於我們所處環境的特性，你可以成為那些已經厭倦戰鬥的人的真正寶藏。你能想像你能找到多少盟友嗎？只需要放下重要性，毫不保留地承認其他人是正確的。你的優勢在於你以意識行動，而其他人則在沉睡，因此他們永遠不會感謝你。如果他們能夠醒來並正念地表達他們的意見或態度，你會聽到他們說類似於：“是的，這個人遠非愚蠢。他們很好。我想更好地了解他們。多麼可愛的人。”

Given the nature of the environment we live in, you can become a real treasure for those who are already tired of the battle. Can you just imagine how many allies you could fine?! All it takes is to ditch importance and not hold back in acknowledging other people when you know that they are proven right. Your advantage is that you act with conscious awareness whereas other people are asleep and will therefore never thank you in return. If they could wake up and express their opinion or attitudes mindfully you would hear them say something along the lines of: “Yes, this person is far from stupid. They are nice. I would like to get to know them better. What a sweetie.”

沒有人會大聲說出這些話，他們甚至可能不會對自己說，但如果他們的潛意識能夠表達，這就是他們的感受。想像一下你腳下的黃金。人們通常如此焦慮和負擔著重要性，以至於他們四處遊蕩，卻未能注意到就在他們鼻子底下的金塊。你擁有巨大的優勢：正念、缺乏重要性以及願意將注意力給予他人。善用你的優勢，你將看到其他人只能看到石頭的地方，你卻能看到黃金。

No-one will say these words aloud and they may not even say them to themselves but this is what their subconscious feeling would sound like if it could be expressed. Imagine the gold that lies at your feet. People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance that they wander around failing to notice the nuggets lying right under their noses. You have a huge advantage: mindfulness, the absence of importance as well as the willingness to give others your attention. Make the most of your advantage and you will see gold where others can only see stones.