人際關係中的意圖 (Intention)
Intention in Relationships
1/37
我們常常以成就的高低和累積的煩惱數量來衡量自己的人生成就；Transurfing 幫助我們不必與問題硬拼，而是學會如何預防問題的發生。在 Transurfing 的脈絡中，我們的目標靠著外在意圖 (Outer intention) 用一種非常不同尋常的方式實現。無論如何，我們所有的問題與成就皆源自於與他人之間的個人及職業關係。
We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional.
2/37
問題在於：外在意圖 (Outer intention) 能否應用在人際關係中？困難在於，外在意圖 (Outer intention) 本質上難以捉摸、控制，亦不完全受個人意志左右。不過，你可以運用一些技巧隱性地啟動它；採取特定方法後，外在意圖 (Outer intention) 可自動運作，不受你主觀操控，卻最終有利於你。
The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour.
3/37
與其單靠你個人的內在意圖 (Intention)，不如學會借助能激勵他人的內在意圖 (Intention) 來運作。當你放下自我內在意圖 (Intention) 時，外在意圖 (Outer intention) 會激活他人內在意圖 (Intention) 的運作。外在意圖 (Outer intention) 能輕輕一揮手便為你帶來所需，因為它本身毫無私欲，也不需刻意行動，只是默默容許那與外部世界頻率共鳴的內在意圖 (Intention) 疏通無阻。利用他人的內在意圖 (Intention) 來實現你自己的目標吧。
Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people’s inner intention to achieve your goals.
4/37
儘管這最後一句聽起來似乎有些自私，但它並不意味著你正在利用或濫用他人，而是說別妨礙他人做他們真正想做的事。歸根結底，所有問題都源自於圍繞內在意圖 (Intention) 而產生的利益衝突：出於個人利益，有人試圖從別人那裡取得某些東西，而對方卻另有打算，堅持按自己的方式行事。那麼，如何平衡彼此不同的利益，讓雙方需求得以滿足呢？這看似困難，但其實只在於找到彼此內在意圖 (Intention) 中的共同點。
Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other’s inner intentions.
5/37
自我價值感正是內在意圖 (Intention) 的核心。在擺錘 (Pendulum) 的世界中，真正既能激發個體行動，又限制其自由的，只有內在意圖 (Intention) 與外在意圖 (Outer intention)。我們的自我價值感與內在重要性 (Importance) 密不可分。作為資訊能量實體，擺錘 (Pendulum) 是由群體創造出來，之後獨立存在，最終迫使人們服從其規律；它們利用「重要性」(Importance) 來建立自己的控制力。因此，對大多數人而言，提升自我價值感成為形成意圖 (Intention) 的一個關鍵因素，而其他因素則與 Frailing (Frailing) 以及內心需求有關，但程度小得多，通常 Frailing (Frailing) 只佔我們動機中的極小部分，且由於不斷要在基於擺錘 (Pendulum) 的世界中維持自尊，其發展常常被抑制。
A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one’s self-esteem in a world based on pendulums.
6/37
要在人人關係中啟動外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的力量，你首先必須打破另一個虛假的信念。你或許常聽到一句似乎相當貼切的忠告：「若改變別人無效，就先改變自己。」這話一出口便引發你內心的不適與抗議，彷彿在說：「我不完美，需要改變，但我又極不願意改變！」沒錯，你本就不想改變！所以，別試圖改變他人，也別試圖改變自己。無論你怎麼嘗試改變，不論是自己或他人，其實都只是內在意圖 (Intention) 那低效且有害的運作。用另一種方法更能解決問題：允許他人實現他們的內在意圖 (Intention)；這種「允許」的行動會激活外在意圖 (Outer intention)，進而使你的內在意圖 (Intention) 看似自發地得以實現。
To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: “if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself.” This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!” And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord.
7/37
試想一位急切渴望結婚的女性，但因種種難以理解的原因，她的丈夫一直拖延，並以各種藉口敷衍了事。這位女性全心運作內在意圖 (Intention)，將所有心力都投入到說服伴侶結婚上。然而，施加壓力不但無法解決問題，反而使她強烈的慾望和賦予結婚的高「重要性」(Importance) 產生過剩潛能，結果，平衡力量 (Balanced forces) 必然會將她所愛的人奪走。那麼，問題究竟出在哪？難道是因為對方不夠投入這段關係或不再愛她？當然不是，她只是將彼此的愛情轉化為依賴性關係 (Dependent relationships)，並以結婚作為分水嶺，說道：「若你愛我，就該答應跟我結婚。」
Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: “If you loved me you would agree to marry me”.
8/37
為了讓外在意圖 (Outer intention) 發揮作用，這位女性必須放下強迫自己說服伴侶結婚的執著，而反思：一個男人在婚姻中究竟尋求什麼？答案並不難找——他無疑希望知道自己的需求能獲得滿足，並感受到被愛、被重視、受尊重與讚賞。如果她能將精力轉向幫助他滿足這些需求，不但能達成自己的目標，還能使自己同樣的需求得到滿足。如果你認為那個男人不配擁有你的愛與尊重，那麼既然你對他有這樣的看法，又何必與之同流合污？畢竟，一切都在於個人的選擇 (Choice)。
For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose.
9/37
如你所見，根本無需改變自己。事實在於，那扇敞開的窗戶往往不在我們平時尋找的地方。通常，人們總執著於想從他人那裡獲得什麼，而不問對方真正需要什麼。當你將注意力轉向他人的渴望與動機時，你很快就會發現，你自己的需求也能隨之滿足。只需問問自己：你伴侶的內在意圖 (Intention) 聚焦於什麼？這幾乎就猶如從玻璃窗後往回望，最終發現了那扇敞開的窗戶。接下來，便只剩下將你自己的內在意圖 (Intention) 重新聚焦在實現伴侶的內在意圖 (Intention) 上，藉此將你個人的內在意圖轉變為外在意圖 (Outer intention)。
As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner’s inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner’s inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention.
10/37
內在意圖 (Intention) 常常用來吸引注意、展示自己最完美的一面，或者你也可能因為某件不如意的事情而憂心忡忡。試想你要去參加派對，你可能會幻想所有人都在盯著你，看你的一舉一動——因為他們聚集的目的就是評論你穿什麼、動作如何、說了什麼。如果你聽到團體中有人發笑，你很可能會以為他們在嘲笑你，隨後便會收到一連串貶低的目光！我非常理解你的心情。
Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise!
11/37
你當然已經察覺，這情況應該從相反的角度來解讀。在派對上，其餘的人只顧著自己和在乎他人如何看待自己，他們往往不會在意怎樣去善待他人。所以，你可以放鬆、隨意一些，儘管自然展現自己即可；無需刻意表現得毫不做作或矯揉造作，只需散發出自然舒適的氣質即可。
You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease.
12/37
請記住，定下「以毫不做作的方式行事」的目標本身並不起作用。固然，你也許藉由目標「幻燈片」 (Slide) 的幫助能走上某條路，但那需要時間，而派對就在今晚。只有當你消除了對事物的「重要性」(Importance) 才能真正達到毫不做作的狀態；然而，降低「重要性」(Importance) 並非立刻就能完全放下那種依然想要展現自己最佳形象的慾望。
Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant.
13/37
解決之道很簡單：當有人與你交談時，他們最需要的就是你全心全意地給予關注，並展現出對他們個人的真正興趣。可以確定的是，人們往往只顧自己，因此，你也要對他們感興趣。將注意力從自身轉移到他人身上，啟動你的守護者謎題 (Guardian's Riddle) ，別再玩那種只追求自我價值提升的遊戲。
The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth.
14/37
試著玩“提升他人重要性”的遊戲。對他人表現出真摯關懷，傾聽他們的話語，細心觀察；你無需刻意討好，只需順水推舟。一旦你把注意力從自己轉向他人，你那過剩的「重要性」(Importance) 潛能就會自然消散，從而使你能夠行為自然、毫無造作。
Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally.
15/37
當你對他人表示真誠關心時，你便能吸引別人的注意。別和人談論你所在乎的事，而應該談論他們關心的事，包含他們本身。這樣一來，你的內在意圖 (Intention) 就會轉變成外在意圖 (Outer intention)。其他人會立刻對結識你產生興趣，因為他們無法躲避你那總是悄然運作、極為微妙的外在意圖 (Outer intention) 所帶來的吸引力。試圖讓別人關注你，往往只暴露了你內在意圖 (Intention) 的自我中心；而表現出對他人的關心，正是外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的真實體現。放下自我內在意圖 (Intention)，將注意力轉向他人，你自然就能得到最初所渴望的效果——這全靠外在意圖 (Outer intention) 為你達成。
You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you.
16/37
你或許會想：「好吧，我表現出點好奇心，這真的能讓我看起來更有趣嗎？」事實是，即便你比現在美好千倍，其他人依然主要只關心自己，對他人僅作次要考量。當你極力吸引注意時，你只顧著自己；但當你對他人展現出真誠關心時，你正好滿足了他們的內在意圖 (Intention)。他們的滿足感若非來自於你，又能寄望於誰呢？
You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: “OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?” The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you?
17/37
人們通常只在明星、影視圈中那種備受矚目的公眾人物身上表現出極高興趣，但這屬於另一種層次的關注。除非你是電影明星，否則他人注視你，往往僅將你視為潛在的商業夥伴、友情對象或愛情伴侶。在日常交流中，你有多麼有趣並不重要，重點在於對方認為與你建立關係能否滿足他們的需求，這正是他們與你互動時所評估的。
People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you.
18/37
當一個人和你在一起時，他通常只顧著自己的利益，無論有意或無意，都在衡量你是否符合那套讓他感到滿足的關係劇本。當一個人的自我價值感得到確認時，他就會覺得自己被喜愛、被認可、有趣、受尊重，覺得自己和別人一樣有價值。
When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued.
19/37
現在，想像兩種情況：一方面你強行把自己推銷給對方，另一方面你則展現對對方的真切關心。顯然，如果你能滿足對方確認自我價值的需求，你就會符合他們所有的標準。如果你能提升對方的自尊，他們便會對你的缺陷寬容並原諒你的不足；你也許會擔心自己的短處，試圖掩飾並展示最佳的一面，但這並非對方最關心的事情。重申一次，你的優點與缺點並不是對方主要考量的，而他們在與你交流時，最在乎的是那份自我價值感的確認。
Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person’s self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person’s mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner’s prime concern. The sense of self- worth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority.
20/37
即使你各方面都無可挑剔，也未必能讓你在尋找朋友或伴侶時如願。恰恰相反，許多明星也因此感到孤獨。你那些出色的優點甚至可能會反而限制你尋找伴侶的可能。人們可以完全看見你的所有優點，但他們首先在評估：站在你面前，他們是否能感受到自己的重要性？如果你在眾人面前閃閃發光，他們很可能會認為自己的個性在那耀眼光芒下黯然失色。把你所有的精彩優勢放下，轉而全心關注眼前的人，讓他們感受到：當他們站在你身邊時，他們能夠真正察覺到自己的價值，這樣你就能俘虜他們的心。
You might be ‘gorgeous’ in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full ‘gorgeousness’ but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart.
21/37
當你與人交談並表現出對他們的興趣時，務必要以真誠待人。千萬不要讓對方感覺你在運用某種精心學來的心理技巧來操縱他們，或讓他們覺得你另有隱藏目的。如果你真心希望某人對你友善，那麼至少他們理應獲得你的真誠。
When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.
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自以為是有趣談話家的那些人，往往試圖以展示自己的聰明才智和引用名人轶事來證明自己見多識廣，藉此塑造最佳形象。這種行為其實正受內在意圖 (Intention) 的驅使，大多數人想要顯得有趣時都是如此。試著退後一步，採取不同的立場，把焦點放在給對方展示他們自己有趣的一面，而不是一味地想娛樂眾人。調整到對方的頻率，認真聆聽，詢問問題，並展現出對對方談話主題和生活的濃厚興趣。你會發現，這樣的對話可以持續數小時，而對方往往會在交談結束時深信自己遇上了一位非常有趣且值得信賴的知己。
People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner’s chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round.
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外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的運作方式在於允許他人內在意圖 (Intention) 得以實現。你放棄了將自己的個性置於聚光燈下的慾望，使對方的獨特魅力得以展現；結果，你反而收穫了你所放棄的東西。對方會立刻被你吸引，成為你狂熱的追隨者，因為你使他們的內在意圖 (Intention) 得以滿足，而這種感受在與名人相處時是絕對難以體驗到的。
Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.
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如果你想吸引一個目前不願與你交談的人，例如你希望對方接受你的商業提案卻對此毫無興趣的人，那麼情況更是如此。此時，你必須意識到，只有把自己的存在和提案放在一旁，專注於全心全意關注對方，才能真正引起他們的興趣。真心關注那個人所參與的一切，並抽出時間與他們交談；只有如此，他們才會開始對你的問題產生興趣。
What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem.
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你可能會問，為什麼你必須聆聽他人，關心他們的生活，付出關注、愛與尊重，而當他們卻完全自我中心，甚至懶得與你交談？好吧，那麼，他們憑什麼去關心、欣賞、愛與尊重你？你心中關於自己所有美好的幻想——認為自己多麼優秀、如何比他人更出色——只不過是被內在意圖 (Intention) 包裹在過剩潛能 (Exceed potential) 的依賴性關係 (Dependent relationships) 中的一場空想。你的內在意圖 (Intention) 是渴望證明自己的價值，但你只有放棄這種內在意圖 (Intention)，讓他人的內在意圖 (Intention) 得以實現，你才能真正在他人眼中具備意義。你的優勢在於你是以外在意圖 (Outer intention) 為主導，而其他人則是受內在意圖 (Intention) 驅動。好好利用這一優勢吧。
You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage.
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通常，當你希望從某人那裡獲得某物時，記住一個普遍原則：放下想要索取的內在意圖 (Intention)，轉而以付出的內在意圖 (Intention) 來取代，這一轉變非常簡單易行。
Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do.
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如果你希望別人尊重與認同你，不要被動等待他們的尊重，而是要主動以尊重的態度對待他們，讓他們感受到在你眼中他們是重要的 (Importance)。若你渴望的是同情和感激之心，也別期待別人來給予。參與他人的問題並以真誠關愛去照顧他們。如果你希望被視為有吸引力，僅靠一雙美眼是遠遠不夠的；要讓別人真切感受到你認為他們天生就迷人。若你需要幫助與支持，那就先成為幫助他人的那個人，這樣你也會提升自己的價值，絕不會讓自己落得負債累累。最後，若你追求的是互惠的愛，就放下佔有慾和依賴性關係 (Dependent relationships)；只需專心付出愛而不求回報，這樣的愛極其罕見，無人能抗拒。在這些情況下，你必然會收穫你曾經放下的東西。
If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people’s problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off.
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還有一個問題：如何使某人按你的需要行動。當你處於有權勢的位置時，可以利用內在意圖 (Intention) 強迫對方；亦可說服對方認為某事非做不可。然而，外在意圖 (Outer intention) 提供了最有效的方法，即安排情勢，讓對方自願幫助你；讓一切都符合他們的目標與慾望。問問自己：如何將你的需求與對方的需求聯繫起來？
There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs.
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首先，明確瞭解對方的需求——他們追求的是什麼、缺少什麼，無論是金錢權力、他人的尊重、完成工作後的成就感、對子女的關愛、威望、在團隊中的領導地位還是社會認可——這些都是自我價值感的不同變體。
Start by defining the other person’s needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.
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當一個人覺得自己對世界毫無價值時，就會感到沮喪。若一個人覺得自己不受需要或毫無價值，他自然會努力提升自己的自我價值感。當某人取得成果，自信心隨之上升，並準備設定新的目標，因為他們的自我價值標準得到了提高。這本身並無錯誤，無人應因渴望感覺更有價值而受到非議；每個人都在以各自不同的方式提升自我價值感。反之，當一個人完全停止成長、毫無追求時，情況就會大不相同，雖然這種情形極為罕見。通常，人們對現狀都會有所不滿，並會謀求哪怕是微小的進步。
Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest.
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所以，思考一下對你來說重要的任務如何能夠提升對方的自我價值感，並以這個角度向他們介紹這項任務。讓對方感受到自己更受重視，他們的自信也會大大增強，而當這種情況出現時，千萬不要吝嗇對他們的讚賞。
So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person’s sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them.
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若你能依照這個原則行事，就能輕易促使他人依他們自己的利益行動。倘若依靠內在意圖 (Intention) 你可能試圖強迫或哄騙對方，而依靠外在意圖 (Outer intention) 則只是表達希望一切順利符合你的利益。為了實現外在意圖 (Outer intention)，你必須安排情勢，使他人在追求自己利益時，同時順理成章地為你行動。你所要做的，就是覺醒，將自己從自我中心中解脫出來，多關注別人的需求。
If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others.
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例如，若你從事零售行業，你可能忙於思考如何將產品賣給潛在的顧客，但買家並不會費心取悅你，也不願意被推銷，他們只想購買。你能看出其中的區別嗎？買家心中更可能想的是：「我希望大家別再強迫我買東西，讓我自己選擇想購買的商品就好。」
For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: “I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy.”
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所以，別去想如何銷售你的產品；而應該考慮買家可能真正希望購買什麼。渴望銷售僅是內在意圖 (Intention) 的展現，而外在意圖 (Outer intention) 則完全不同，它會去探究買家的真正需求。你不一定要精確知道買家想要哪種產品；例如，若他們遭受風濕症困擾，而你真誠地關心他們，推薦合適的醫生或治療方法，買家自然而然會從你那裡購買。這當然是一個過於簡化的例子，但原則是鐵板鉗釘。
Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible.
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每當你需要從某人那裡獲得某物或要求他們做某件事時，就放下內在意圖 (Intention)；問問自己對方的內在意圖 (Intention) 可能是什麼，以幫助他們實現那個意圖。當你正忙於幫助他人達成他們的內在意圖 (Intention) 時，再順便輕描淡寫地提出你的需求。你可能會發現，甚至根本無需刻意暗示你的需求，一切便自然而然地展開，這正是外在意圖 (Outer intention) 的神奇力量。
Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person’s inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person’s intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention.
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更有效影響他人的方法是激發他們的內在意圖 (Intention)。將步驟拆解來看，方法相當簡單：增強自我價值感幾乎總能成為激發內在意圖 (Intention) 的動力。每個人總是在某種程度上想要強調並提升自己的自我價值感，藉此來實現自己的目標。若你需要某人滿足你的要求，只需思考，讓他們做出你所要求之事，能如何進一步提升他們的自我價值感，就等於是在向他們發出一個挑戰。
An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one’s sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge.
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你可以用這種方式對個人或群體提出挑戰，例如：「你們之中誰最強？」若你藉由職業榮譽感來激發挑戰，挑戰可能會說：「別丟臉了！」你也可以訴諸內在重要性 (Importance)：「讓我們來展示我們的真正實力！」若某人在這樣與自我價值感相連結的情境下接受了挑戰，他就會心甘情願地執行你的意願，就仿佛那是屬於他的自己的計畫；這正是因為你放下了自己的內在意圖 (Intention)，而轉為注重他人的內在意圖 (Intention)。切記，要與他人的內在意圖 (Intention) 協作，而非固守自己的。
You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: “So, who among you is the best?” If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: “Let’s not lose face!” You can also appeal to inner importance: “Let’s show them what we are made of!” If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples’ inner intention, not your own.
關係中的意圖(Intention)
Intention in Relationships
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我們往往以一方面的成就水平和另一方面積累的問題量來衡量我們生活中的成功。Transurfing幫助我們不去對抗問題，而是如何避免首先遇到它們，而不是如何解決它們。在Transurfing的背景下，我們的目標也以一種不尋常的方式實現，借助於外在意圖(outer intention)。無論如何，我們所有的問題和成就都源於我們與他人的關係，無論是個人還是職業。
We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional.
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問題是：外在意圖(outer intention)能否應用於關係？問題在於外在意圖(outer intention)難以捉摸，難以控制或受個人意志支配。然而，您可以使用某些技術來隱含地激活其功能。通過某種方法，外在意圖(outer intention)可以被啟動，使其獨立運作，不受你的意志影響，但仍然對你有利。
The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour.
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與其專注於個人的內在意圖(Intention)，不如學習如何利用他人的內在意圖(Intention)。如果你放下自己的內在意圖(Intention)，外在意圖(outer intention)將激活他人內在意圖(Intention)的運作。外在意圖(outer intention)可以輕鬆地給你生活中想要的東西，因為它本身不需要任何東西，也不需要特別做什麼。它只是讓調整到外部世界頻率的內在意圖(Intention)不受阻礙地運作。利用他人的內在意圖(Intention)來實現你的目標。
Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people’s inner intention to achieve your goals.
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儘管最後一句話聽起來可能很自私，但實際上並不意味著你在利用或濫用他人。這更多的是不妨礙他們做他們真正想做的事情。最終，所有問題都源於圍繞內在意圖(Intention)的利益衝突。出於個人利益的驅動，一個人試圖從另一個有不同計劃的人那裡獲得某些東西，並且堅持自己的方式。如何平衡不同的利益並滿足雙方的需求？這不是一項困難的任務嗎？然而，實際上並不是如此；這歸結於找到彼此內在意圖(Intention)的共同點。
Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other’s inner intentions.
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自我價值感是內在意圖(Intention)的核心。在"鐘擺"(Pendulums)的世界中，真正激勵一個人的同時限制其自由的只有內在和外在意圖(outer intention)。我們的自我價值感與內在重要性(Importance)相關。作為信息能量實體，"鐘擺"(Pendulums)由人群創造，後來獨立存在，最終使人們服從於它們的法律。"鐘擺"(Pendulums)利用重要性(Importance)來建立它們的控制。這就是為什麼對於大多數人來說，增強自我價值感是形成意圖(Intention)的關鍵決定因素。其他決定因素與Frailing和心靈的需求有關，但程度要小得多。通常，Frailing在我們的動機中所佔的比例很小，並且在一個基於"鐘擺"(Pendulums)的世界中，為了維持自尊的持續需求而被壓制。
A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one’s self-esteem in a world based on pendulums.
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要在人際關係中激活外在意圖(outer intention)的力量，你首先必須打破一個錯誤的信念。你可能經常聽到看似非常合適的建議：“如果改變他人不起作用，就從改變自己開始。”這句話立即引發內心的不適和抗議：所以我不完美，需要改變，但我真的不想！你不想這樣做是對的！不要試圖改變他人，但也不要試圖改變自己。無論你做什麼來改變自己或他人，這都將是內在意圖(Intention)無效且有害的工作。問題可以通過不同的方法更好地解決。允許他人實現他們的內在意圖(Intention)。這種允許的行為將激發外在意圖(outer intention)，從而使你的內在意圖(Intention)似乎自然而然地實現。
To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: “if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself.” This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!” And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord.
7/37
想像一個急於結婚的女人，但由於她無法理解的原因，她的丈夫卻在抵抗，並用藉口推託。女人專注於用內在意圖(Intention)來說服她的伴侶結婚。施加壓力不會解決問題，她最終會因為強烈的渴望和她賦予結婚的重要性(Importance)而產生過剩潛力。結果，平衡力量(Balanced forces)無疑會奪走她所愛的人。那麼問題出在哪裡？也許她的伴侶對這段關係不投入，或者不再愛她？當然不是。這位女士將他們的愛情關係轉變為一種依賴關係(Dependent relationships)，使婚姻成為決定性因素：“如果你愛我，你就會同意嫁給我”。
Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: “If you loved me you would agree to marry me”.
8/37
為了讓外在意圖(outer intention)發揮作用，這位女士必須放下說服她的伴侶與她結婚的執著，並問自己：男人在婚姻中尋找什麼？答案不難找到。他無疑想知道他的需求將得到滿足，並且他會感到被愛、被重視、被尊重和被欽佩等。如果這位女士將她的能量引導到幫助他滿足這些需求上，她不僅會實現自己的目標，還會成功地滿足自己的類似需求。如果你覺得這個男人不值得你的愛和尊重呢？那麼，如果你對他有這種感覺，為什麼一開始要和他在一起呢？每個人都有選擇的自由。
For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose.
9/37
如你所見，無需改變自己。問題是開放的窗口在我們通常尋找的地方之外。通常，人們如此專注於他們想從他人那裡得到什麼，以至於他們不會去了解那些人想要什麼。通過將注意力轉移到他人的願望和動機上，你將很容易滿足自己的需求。你只需問自己，你的伴侶內在意圖(Intention)的重點是什麼。這實際上就像從玻璃窗飛回來，最終發現開著的窗戶。接下來，剩下的就是將你的內在意圖(Intention)重新聚焦於實現你伴侶的內在意圖(Intention)。通過這樣做，你將個人的內在意圖(Intention)轉化為外在意圖(outer intention)。
As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner’s inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner’s inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention.
10/37
很多時候，內在意圖(Intention)旨在吸引注意力並以最佳的方式展示自己，或者你可能擔心某些事情進展不順。想像一下你要去參加一個派對。你可能會想像所有其他受邀的人都會盯著你，隨時注意你在哪裡；因為他們聚集在一起的唯一目的是討論你穿什麼衣服，你如何行動以及你談論什麼。如果你聽到小組中的某人笑，你會認為他們在嘲笑你，你會捕捉到許多貶低的目光！我表示同情！
Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise!
11/37
你當然已經明白，這種情況應該以相反的方式解釋。派對上的其他人主要關心自己以及其他人對他們的看法。他們如何對待其他人是他們最後考慮的事情。因此，你可以放鬆，輕鬆自在地感受自由。不要試圖表現得不做作或不矯揉造作；只需賦予自己自然和輕鬆的品質。
You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease.
12/37
記住，設定自己以不受影響的方式行事的目標是行不通的。當然，你可能會在幻燈片(Slides)的幫助下取得一些進展，但這需要時間，而派對就在今天。只有在消除重要性(Importance)的情況下，你才能達到不受影響的狀態。然而，降低重要性(Importance)並不總是容易的。你不可能在一瞬間完全放棄以最佳方式展示自己的願望。
Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant.
13/37
解決方案很簡單。當有人與你交談時，他們最需要的是你給予他們關注，並對他們作為一個人表現出興趣。你可以非常確定，人們只對自己感興趣，所以你也要對他們感興趣。將你的注意力從自己轉移到他人。激活你的守護者(Guardian)，停止玩提升自我價值的遊戲。
The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth.
14/37
玩提高他人重要性(Importance)的遊戲。對其他人表現出興趣，聽他們說什麼並觀察。你不需要討好他們，只需隨波逐流。一旦你將注意力從自己轉移到他人，你自己的重要性(Importance)的過剩潛力將自動消退。然後你將成功地自然行事。
Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally.
15/37
你通過對他人表現出興趣來吸引注意力。不要與人們談論你感興趣的事情，而是談論他們感興趣的事情，包括他們自己。然後你的內在意圖(Intention)將轉化為外在意圖(outer intention)。其他人會立即對結識你產生興趣。他們將無法從你的外在意圖(outer intention)的力量中退縮，因為它的運作始終是完全微妙的。試圖讓人們對你自己感興趣是無用的。這種願望是內在意圖(Intention)的反映。對他人表現出興趣是外在意圖(outer intention)的反映。通過放棄內在意圖(Intention)並將注意力轉移到他人身上，你輕鬆地實現了最初想要的結果；只是外在意圖(outer intention)為你做到了。
You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you.
16/37
你可能想知道如何通過對他人表現出興趣來吸引注意力，想：“好吧，所以我表現出一些好奇心。這真的會讓我看起來更有趣嗎？” 事實是，即使你比現在更有吸引力一千倍，其他人仍然主要對自己感興趣，只是事後才對他人感興趣。當你試圖吸引注意力時，你只是在想自己。當你對另一個人表現出興趣時，你滿足了他們的內在意圖(Intention)。如果不是來自你，他們的滿足感來自哪裡？意識到這一點後，他們還會對誰感興趣呢，如果不是你？
You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: “OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?” The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you?
17/37
當人們是知名人士時，他們對其他人感興趣，比如娛樂界和電影界的明星。但這是一種不同的興趣。除非你是電影明星，否則人們會將你視為商業、友誼或愛情的潛在夥伴。狂熱者對明星的著迷是極端的，對他們傾倒，吞噬他們生活的每一個細節，但他們絕不會想到將名人視為個人關係中的潛在夥伴。在日常交流中，你有多有趣並不重要。重要的是對方認為你在關係中對他們的適合程度，這是他們在與你交流時所評估的。
People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you.
18/37
當一個人和你在一起時，他們通常會考慮自己的利益，並有意識和無意識地評估你在他們感到個人滿足的關係劇本中適合的程度。當一個人的自我價值感得到確認時，他們會感到滿足：他們感到被喜愛、有趣、受尊重，和其他人一樣有價值。
When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued.
19/37
現在考慮一下，在一種情況下強加自己和在另一種情況下表現出對他人的興趣會產生什麼結果。自然地，如果你滿足了他們對自我價值確認的需求，你將符合他們的所有標準。如果你對一個人的自尊有好處，他們會對你可能存在的任何明顯缺陷寬容，並原諒你的弱點；你可能會擔心自己的缺點，試圖掩蓋它們並展現出最佳品質，但這是對方最後考慮的事情。我重申，你的優點和缺點不是你伴侶的主要關心。與你交談時他們所體驗的自我價值感是他們的首要任務。
Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person’s self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person’s mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner’s prime concern. The sense of self- worth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority.
20/37
你可能在各方面都很“出色”，但這不會幫助你尋找朋友或伴侶。相反，許多明星都遭受孤獨。你的卓越品質甚至可能限制你尋找伴侶的範圍。人們可以看到你所有的“出色”，但首先他們在評估站在你的完美旁邊時他們會感到多麼重要。如果你在他們面前閃耀著所有的光芒，他們可能會認為他們的個性只能在耀眼的光芒中黯然失色。揮手告別你所有的非凡品質，將你的全部注意力放在面前的人身上。讓他們感覺到當他們站在你旁邊時，他們會知道自己的真正價值，你將贏得他們的心。
You might be ‘gorgeous’ in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full ‘gorgeousness’ but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart.
21/37
當你與某人交談並表現出對他們的興趣時，要真誠。不要讓他們覺得你在試圖通過學會的心理技巧操縱他們來贏得他們的好感，或者你有隱藏的議程。如果你足夠關心希望某人對你有好感，那麼至少，他們值得你的真誠。
When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.
22/37
那些將自己呈現為有趣談話者的人試圖通過證明自己多麼聰明，並提到他們在生活中見過和經歷過多少來以最佳方式展示自己。這種行為方式是內在意圖(Intention)導向的，這是大多數人在想要對他人顯得有趣時的行為方式。從一致性中退一步，採取不同的立場。設定一個目標，讓你的伴侶有機會顯得有趣，而不是試圖成為一個有趣的對話者。調整到他們的頻率，專心聆聽，提出問題，並對你的伴侶選擇的談話主題和他們的生活表現出興趣。你會發現，你可以通過這種方式支持一個對話長達幾個小時，而你的伴侶會做大部分的談話。在你們的對話結束時，他們將絕對相信他們遇到了一個非常有趣的知己和一個全方位的美好人。
People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner’s chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round.
23/37
外在意圖(outer intention)通過允許他人的內在意圖(Intention)得到實現來發揮作用。你犧牲了將自己的個性放在聚光燈下，以允許另一個人的個性閃耀；結果，你獲得了你所犧牲的東西。相關的人將立即被贏得並成為狂熱的粉絲，因為你允許他們實現他們的內在意圖(Intention)；這是他們在名人的公司中永遠不會體驗到的。
Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.
24/37
如果你希望引起一個目前不願意與你對話的人的注意，比如你希望接受你的商業提案但對此不感興趣的人，你可以怎麼做。在這種情況下，更有理由相信你將通過將自己和你的提案放在一邊並給予他們全部注意力來獲得他們的興趣。對那個人所涉及的一切表現出真正的興趣，並花時間與他們交談。只有這樣，他們才會對你的問題表現出任何興趣。
What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem.
25/37
你可能會問，為什麼當他們完全以自我為中心，甚至懶得和你說話時，你還要聽別人的話，對他們的生活感興趣，給予他們注意和愛與尊重。好吧，為什麼他們應該對你感興趣，欽佩，愛和尊重你？你想像中關於自己的所有真相，你有多麼美好，以及與他們相比多麼美好，只是依賴和重要性(Importance)關係中的過剩潛力所包裝的內在意圖(Intention)的幻想。你的內在意圖(Intention)是值得的，但只有當你放棄內在意圖(Intention)並允許他人的內在意圖(Intention)得到實現時，你才會在他人眼中真正重要。你的優勢在於你是外在意圖(outer intention)導向的，而其他人是內在意圖(Intention)導向的。充分利用你的優勢。
You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage.
26/37
一般來說，當你想從某人那裡得到某些東西時，你應該記住一個普遍的原則：放下接受的內在意圖(Intention)，用給予的意圖(Intention)取而代之。這很容易做到。
Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do.
27/37
如果你希望某人尊重和承認你，不要等待他們的尊重。從你這方面尊重他們。讓他們感覺到在你眼中他們是重要的。如果你需要的是同情和感激，不要指望別人給你這些東西。參與他人的問題，並真誠地照顧他們。如果你想被認為有吸引力，這不會僅僅因為一雙美麗的眼睛而發生。讓別人知道你覺得他們有吸引力。如果你需要幫助和支持，成為那個幫助別人的人。這樣你會提高自己的價值，不會成為欠債的人。最後，如果你想找到相互的愛，放棄佔有欲和依賴關係(Dependent relationships)。如果你能成為那個只愛而不期望回報的人，你會找到愛。這種愛非常罕見，沒有人能抗拒。在所有這些情況下，你將不可避免地得到你放棄的東西。
If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people’s problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off.
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還有一個問題：你如何讓某人做你需要他們做的事情。如果你處於必要的權力位置，你可以用內在意圖(Intention)強迫一個人做某事。你也可以說服一個人必須做某事。然而，外在意圖(outer intention)提供了最有效的方法：安排事情讓那個人想要幫助你。協調事情以符合他們的目標和願望。問問自己如何將你想要的東西與另一個人的需求聯繫起來。
There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs.
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首先確定其他人的需求，他們追求什麼，他們缺乏什麼，無論是金錢、權力、他人的尊重、工作完成後的成就感、對孩子的關心、聲望、團隊中的領導角色、社會認可等。所有這些都是自我價值主題的變體。
Start by defining the other person’s needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.
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當一個人感覺自己對世界的意義不大時，他們會對自己感到不滿。當一個人感覺不被需要或不值得任何東西時，他們自然會試圖增加自我價值感。當一個人取得成果時，他們會感到更有信心，並準備好設定新任務，因為他們的自我價值標準提高了。這沒有什麼錯。沒有人應該因為想要感覺更有價值而受到評判。每個人都在努力提高自我價值感，只是以不同的方式進行。相反，當一個人停止發展並且什麼都不想要時，這更糟糕，儘管這種情況很少發生。通常，人們對自己目前的生活位置不滿意，因此無論多麼謙虛，他們都在努力追求某些東西。
Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest.
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因此，找出對你重要的任務如何改善那個人的自我價值感。然後，在如何提高他們地位的背景下向他們展示這項任務。讓一個人感覺更有價值，他們會對自己有更大的信心。當他們這樣做時，慷慨地欣賞他們。
So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person’s sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them.
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如果你讓自己受到這一原則的指導，你將很容易促使其他人為自己的利益行事。在內在意圖(Intention)的指導下，你可能會試圖強迫或哄騙某人做某事。在外在意圖(outer intention)的指導下，你只是表達希望一切對你有利的願望。要實現外在意圖(outer intention)，你必須安排事情，使人們在考慮自己的關注和做對他們重要的事情時，為你的利益行事。你所要做的就是醒來，將自己從自己的利益中拖出來，考慮他人的需求。
If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others.
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例如，如果你從事零售業，你會考慮如何將產品賣給潛在客戶。然而，買家不會考慮如何取悅你，他們也不希望被推銷。他們想購買。你能看到區別嗎？買家更有可能想：“我希望大家停止向我推銷東西，讓我選擇我想買的東西。”
For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: “I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy.”
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不要考慮如何銷售你的產品。考慮買家可能想購買什麼。銷售的願望是內在意圖(Intention)的反映。外在意圖(outer intention)採取完全不同的方法，即找出買家想要什麼。你不必知道買家想要什麼產品。如果他們患有風濕病，而你通過推薦醫生或治療方法對他們表現出真正的興趣，買家會從你那裡購買。這當然是個過於簡化的例子，但這一原則是無懈可擊的。
Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible.
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每次你需要從某人那裡得到某些東西或需要他們做某事時，放下內在意圖(Intention)。問問自己對方的內在意圖(Intention)可能是什麼。以幫助那個人實現內在意圖(Intention)的方式行事。一旦你已經在幫助他人實現他們的內在意圖(Intention)，隨意考慮你需要從那個人那裡得到什麼。當你忙於實現他人的意圖時，順便提出你的請求。你可能會發現你甚至不需要暗示自己的需求，一切都會自然而然地展開。這就是外在意圖(outer intention)的神奇力量。
Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person’s inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person’s intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention.
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影響他人的更有效方法是試圖誘發他們的內在意圖(Intention)。當你一步一步地分解它時，這個方法相當簡單。增強自我價值感幾乎總是內在意圖(Intention)的動機。每個人都在某種程度上以某種方式強調和增加自我價值感。如果你需要某人做某事，你所要做的就是考慮如何讓他們做你要求的事情會增加他們的自我價值感。這就是所謂的發出挑戰。
An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one’s sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge.
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你可以向一個團體或個人發出挑戰，形式為：“那麼，誰是你們中最好的？”如果你在激發職業榮譽感，那麼挑戰可能聽起來是：“讓我們不要丟臉！”你也可以訴諸內在重要性(Importance)：“讓我們展示我們的實力！”如果一個人在自我價值的背景下接受挑戰，他們將像執行自己的意志一樣執行你的意志，因為你已經放棄了自己的內在意圖(Intention)，而關注他人的意圖。與他人的內在意圖(Intention)合作，而不是你自己的。
You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: “So, who among you is the best?” If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: “Let’s not lose face!” You can also appeal to inner importance: “Let’s show them what we are made of!” If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples’ inner intention, not your own.
關係中的意圖
Intention in Relationships
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我們傾向於以成就水平和積累的問題量來衡量人生成功。一方面，Transurfing幫助我們不與問題鬥爭，而是避免首先遇到它們，而不是如何解決它們。在Transurfing背景下，我們的目標也以非尋常方式實現，借助外在意圖。不管怎樣，所有問題和成就都源於與他人的個人和專業關係。
We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional.
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問題是：外在意圖可以應用於關係嗎？麻煩在於外在意圖難以捉摸，難以控制或受個人意志支配。然而，你可以使用一些技術隱式激活其功能。通過某種方法，外在意圖可以啟動，獨立於你的意志運作，但仍對你有利。
The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour.
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你可以學會利用激勵他人的內在意圖，而不是用個人內在意圖工作。如果你放棄自己的內在意圖，外在意圖會激活他人內在意圖的運作。外在意圖可以簡單一揮手給你生活中想要的東西，因為它不為自己想要任何東西，也不特別需要做什麼。它只是允許調諧到外部世界頻率的內在意圖無阻礙地運作。利用他人的內在意圖實現你的目標。
Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people’s inner intention to achieve your goals.
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儘管最後一句話聽起來可能自私，但實際上並不意味著你在使用或濫用他人。更像是不要妨礙他們做他們真正想做的事。歸根結底，所有問題都因內在意圖周圍的利益衝突而產生。一個人出於個人利益試圖從另一人那裡得到東西，而另一人有不同計劃，意圖按自己的方式行事。如何平衡不同利益並滿足雙方需求？這是個困難的任務，對吧？其實不然；這歸結於找到彼此內在意圖的共同點。
Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other’s inner intentions.
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自我價值感是內在意圖的核心。在擺錘世界中，唯一真正激勵一個人同時限制其自由的是內在和外在重要性。我們的自我價值感與內在重要性相關。作為信息能量實體，擺錘由群體創造，後來獨立存在，最終將人們屈服於其法則。擺錘利用重要性建立控制。因此，對大多數人來說，增強自我價值感是形成意圖的關鍵決定因素。其他決定因素與靈魂特質 (Fraile) 和心的需求相關，但影響小得多。通常，靈魂特質只占我們動機的很小部分，發展不良，被在擺錘世界中維持自尊的持續需求所壓抑。
A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one’s self-esteem in a world based on pendulums.
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要在人際關係中激活外在意圖的力量，你必須首先打破另一個錯誤信念。你可能常聽到看似非常恰當的建議：“如果試圖改變他人沒有效，開始改變自己。”這句話立即喚起內在不適和抗議感：所以我不完美，需要改變，但我真不想！不想是對的！不要試圖改變他人，也不要試圖改變自己。無論你做什麼試圖改變自己或他人，都是內在意圖的無效且有害工作。問題可以用不同方法更好解決。允許他人實現其內在意圖。允許的行為會激發外在意圖，從而使你的內在意圖看似自行實現。
To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: “if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself.” This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!” And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord.
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想像一個渴望結婚的女人，但不知為何，她的丈夫在抗拒並用藉口搪塞。用內在意圖工作，女人將所有思想集中在試圖說服伴侶結婚。壓迫他不會解決情況，她最終會因強烈的渴望和對結婚的重要性的過剩潛能 (Excess Potential) 而創造問題。因此，平衡力量 (Balanced Forces) 無疑會奪走她愛的人。問題在哪？也許她的伴侶對關係不承諾或不再愛她？當然不是。女人將他們的愛情關係轉為依賴關係，使結婚成為交易破壞者：“如果你愛我，你會同意結婚。”
Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: “If you loved me you would agree to marry me”.
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要讓外在意圖生效，女人必須放棄說服伴侶結婚的依附，問自己：男人在婚姻中尋找什麼？答案不難找。他無疑希望知道他的需求會被滿足，他會感到被愛、被重視、被尊重和被欣賞等。如果女人將能量導向幫助他滿足這些需求，她不僅會實現自己的目標，還會成功滿足自己類似的需求。如果 你覺得這個男人不值得你的愛和尊重？好吧，如果你對他們有這種感覺，為什麼一開始要和他們在一起？每個人都自由選擇。
For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose.
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如你所見，無需改變自己。問題在於開放的窗口不在我們通常尋找的地方。通常，人們如此專注於想從他人那裡得到什麼，以至於不費心去了解其他人想要什麼。將注意力轉移到他人的渴望和動機上，你會輕鬆滿足自己的需求。你只需問自己伴侶的內在意圖焦點是什麼。這實際上就像從玻璃窗後退，終於發現開著的窗口。接下來，只需將你的內在意圖重新聚焦於實現伴侶的內在意圖。這樣，你將個人內在意圖轉化為外在意圖。
As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner’s inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner’s inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention.
10/37
內在意圖常常旨在吸引注意力並以最佳形象呈現自己，或你可能擔心某事進展不順。想像你要去參加派對。你可能想像所有其他受邀的人都注視著你，時刻知道你在哪；因為他們聚會的唯一目的是討論你穿什麼、如何移動和談什麼。如果 你聽到群體中有人笑，你會假設他們在笑你，你會捕捉到許多輕蔑的目光！我很同情！
Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise!
11/37
你當然已經明白，情況應相反解釋。派對上的每個人都主要關心自己和別人對他們的看法。他們如何對待他人是他們最不關心的。所以，你可以放鬆，輕鬆自在。不要試圖表現得不做作或矯情；只需給自己自然和輕鬆的品質。
You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease.
12/37
記住，設定表現得不做作的目標不起作用。當然，你可以用幻燈片 (Slides) 取得一些進展，但那需要時間，而派對是今天。你只有在消除重要性時才能實現不做作的狀態。然而，降低重要性並不容易。你無法立即完全放棄以最佳形象呈現自己的渴望。
Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant.
13/37
解決方案很簡單。當有人與你交談時，他們最需要的是你給予他們注意力並對他們作為一個人表現出興趣。你可以非常確定，人們只對自己感興趣，所以也對他們感興趣。將注意力從自己轉移到他人。啟動你的守護者 (Guardian’s Riddle)，停止玩增強自我價值的遊戲。
The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth.
14/37
玩增加他人重要性的遊戲。對他人表現興趣，傾聽他們說什麼並觀察。你無需討好他們，只需隨流而行。一旦你將注意力從自己轉移到他人，你的自我重要性的過剩潛能會自動消退。然後你會成功自然行事。
Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally.
15/37
通過對他人表現興趣，你吸引對自己的注意力。不要與人談論你感興趣的事，談論他們感興趣的事，包括他們自己。然後你的內在意圖將轉化為外在意圖。其他人會立即對結識你感興趣。他們無法從你外在意圖的力量中退縮，這種力量總是極其微妙。試圖讓人們對你自身感興趣是無用的。這是內在意圖的反映。對他人表現興趣是外在意圖的反映。通過放棄內在意圖並將注意力轉移到他人，你輕鬆實現最初想要的結果；只是外在意圖為你做到這一點。
You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you.
16/37
你可能會想，通過對他人表現興趣如何吸引對自己的注意力，想著：“好吧，我表現出一些好奇。這真的會讓我看起來更有趣嗎？”問題是，即使你現在比現在吸引人一千倍，別人仍主要對自己感興趣，只在事後才對他人感興趣。只要你在試圖吸引注意力，你只想到自己。當你對另一人表現興趣時，你實現了他們的內在意圖。他們的滿足感從何而來？不就是從你這裡嗎？意識到這一點後，他們會對誰感興趣？不就是你嗎？
You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: “OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?” The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you?
17/37
當某人是知名人士，如演藝或電影明星時，人們對他們感興趣。但這是不同種類的興趣。除非你是電影明星，否則人們將你視為商業、友誼或愛情的潛在夥伴。狂熱者對明星極端迷戀，為他們著迷，吞噬他們生活的每個細節，但從未想到將名人視為個人關係的潛在夥伴。在日常交流中，你多有趣無關緊要。重要的是另一人認為你多適合他們的關係，這是他們在與你交流時評估的。
People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you.
18/37
當一個人與你在一起時，他們通常考慮自己的利益，有意識和無意識地評估你多適合一個讓他們感到個人滿足的關係劇本。當他們的自我價值感得到確認時，一個人感到滿足：他們覺得被喜歡、有趣、受尊重、與他人一樣有價值且被重視。
When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued.
19/37
現在考慮在一個情況下強加自己於他人和在另一個情況下對他人表現興趣的結果。自然，如果你滿足他們對自我價值確認的需求，你會符合他們的所有標準。如果 你對一個人的自尊有益，他們會對你可能有的明顯失敗寬容，饒恕你的弱點；你可能擔心自己的缺點，試圖掩蓋它們並展示最好品質，但這是對方最不關心的。我重複，你的正面品質和失敗不是你伴侶的主要關注。他們與你交談時體驗的自我價值感是他們的首要優先。
Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person’s self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person’s mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner’s prime concern. The sense of self- worth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority.
20/37
你可能各方面都“完美”，但這不會幫助你尋找朋友或伴侶。相反，許多明星因孤獨而痛苦。你的出色品質甚至可能限制你尋找伴侶。人們可以看到你的全部“完美”，但他們首先評估站在你的完美旁邊他們會感到多重要。如果你以全部榮耀在他們面前閃耀，他們可能會決定他們的個性在耀眼光芒中只會黯淡。揮手告別你所有出色的品質，給予對面的人全部注意力。讓他們感覺站在你旁邊他們會知道自己的真正價值，你會偷走他們的心。
You might be ‘gorgeous’ in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full ‘gorgeousness’ but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart.
21/37
當你與某人交談並對他們表現興趣時，要真誠。不要讓他們覺得你在試圖通過學到的心理技巧操縱他們以贏得他們的好感，或你有隱藏議程。如果你足夠在乎希望某人對你有好感，那麼至少，他們值得你的真誠。
When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.
22/37
試圖表現為有趣的交談者的人試圖以最佳形象展示自己，通過證明自己多聰明，提及名人以顯示他們在生活中見識和經歷多少。這種行事方式是內在意圖導向的，這是大多數人想對他人顯得有趣時的行為方式。從一致性中退一步，採取不同立場。設定讓你的伴侶有機會顯得有趣的任務，而不是試圖成為一個有趣的交談者。調整到他們的頻率，專注聆聽，提問並對伴侶選擇的談話話題和他們的生活表現興趣。你會發現你可以這樣支持對話數小時，你的伴侶做大部分談話。在對話結束時，他們會絕對相信他們遇到了一個非常有趣的知己和一個全方位的出色人物。
People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner’s chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round.
23/37
外在意圖通過允許他人的內在意圖實現而運作。你犧牲將自己置於聚光燈下，讓他人的個性閃耀；結果你收到你犧牲的東西。對方會立即被贏得，成為你的狂熱粉絲，因為你讓他們實現了內在意圖；這是他們在名人陪伴中永遠不會體驗到的。
Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.
24/37
如果你希望獲得一個目前不願與你對話的人的注意力，例如你希望接受你的商業提議但對方毫無興趣的人，該怎麼辦？在這種情況下，更有理由相信你只有通過將自己和提議放在一邊，給予他們全部注意力，才能獲得他們的興趣。真誠地對他們參與的一切表現興趣，花時間與他們交談。只有這樣，他們才會對你的問題表現出興趣。
What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem.
25/37
你可能會問，為什麼你必須傾聽他人，對他們的生活表現興趣，給予他們你的注意力、愛與尊重，當他們完全以自我為中心，甚至懶得與你交談。好吧，那他們為什麼要對你表現興趣、欽佩、愛與尊重呢？你想像中關於自己的美好幻想，以及與他們相比你是多麼出色，只是內在意圖 (Inner Intention) 的幻想，披著依賴關係和重要性 (Importance) 過剩潛能的外衣。你的內在意圖是希望自己有價值，但只有當你放棄自己的內在意圖，轉而讓他人的內在意圖實現時，你才會在他人眼中真正變得重要。你的優勢在於你以外在意圖 (Outer Intention) 為導向，而他人以內在意圖為導向。充分利用你的優勢。
You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage.
26/37
一般來說，當你想從某人那裡得到什麼時，你應牢記一個通用的原則：放棄接收的內在意圖，改以給予的意圖。這做起來非常簡單。
Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do.
27/37
如果你希望某人尊重和認可你，不要等待他們的尊重。反過來以你的尊重對待他們。讓他們感覺在你眼中他們很重要。如果 你需要的是同情和感恩，不要期望他人給你這些。參與他人的問題，真誠地關心他們。如果你想被認為有吸引力，僅靠一雙漂亮的眼睛是不夠的。通過定義展示你認為他人有吸引力。如果你需要幫助和支持，成為幫助他人的人。這樣你提升自己的價值，不會成為欠債的那一方。最後，如果你想找到相互的愛，放棄占有和依賴關係。如果你能單純地去愛而不期待回報，你會找到愛。這種愛非常罕見，沒有人能抗拒它。在所有這些情況下，你不可避免地會收到你放棄的東西。
If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people’s problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off.
28/37
還有一個問題：如何讓某人做你需要他們做的事。你可以用內在意圖強迫某人做某事，前提是你有必要的權力位置。你也可以說服某人做某事是必要的。然而，外在意圖提供了最有效的方法：安排事情讓那個人想幫你。協商事情使其符合他們的目標和志向。問自己如何將你想要的與他人的需求聯繫起來。
There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs.
29/37
首先定義他人的需求，他們追求什麼，缺少什麼，無論是金錢、權力、他人的尊重、工作完成的滿足感、對孩子的關懷、聲望、團隊中的領導角色、社會認可等。所有這些都是自我價值主題的變體。
Start by defining the other person’s needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.
30/37
當一個人感覺對世界無足輕重時，他們會感到不好。當一個人覺得自己不被需要或毫無價值時，他們自然會試圖提升自我價值感。當一個人取得成果時，他們會感到更自信，準備設定新任務，因為他們的自我價值感提高。這沒有什麼錯。不應因某人渴望更有價值的願望而評判他們。每個人都在以不同方式試圖提升自我價值感。相反，當一個人停止發展，什麼都不想要時，情況更糟，儘管這很少發生。通常，人們對當前生活位置有些不滿，因此追求某事，無論多麼微小。
Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest.
31/37
所以，找出對你重要的任務如何提升那個人的自我價值感。然後，在如何提升他們地位的背景下向他們展示任務。讓一個人感到更有價值，他們會對自己更有信心。當他們這樣做時，慷慨地讚賞他們。
So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person’s sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them.
32/37
如果 你遵循這個原則，你會輕鬆促使他人出於自身利益行動。以內在意圖為導向，你可能試圖強迫或哄騙某人做某事。以外在意圖為導向，你只是表達希望一切對你有利的渴望。要實現外在意圖，你必須安排事情讓人們在考慮自己的關切和對他們重要的事情時，為你的利益行動。你只需醒來，從自己的利益中抽身，考慮他人的需求。
If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others.
33/37
例如，如果你從事零售，你會考慮如何將產品賣給潛在客戶。然而，買家不會考慮如何取悅你，也不想被推銷。他們想買。你看到區別了嗎？買家更可能在想：“我希望每個人都停止試圖賣東西給我，讓我選擇我想買的東西。”
For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: “I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy.”
34/37
不要考慮如何賣你的產品。想想買家可能想買什麼。賣東西的渴望是內在意圖的反映。外在意圖採取完全不同的方法，即找出買家想要什麼。你不一定需要知道買家確切想要什麼產品。如果他們患有風濕病，你真誠地對他們表現興趣，推薦醫生或治療方法，買家會從你這裡購買。這當然是一個過於簡化的例子，但原則是無懈可擊的。
Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible.
35/37
每次你需要從某人那裡得到某物或需要他們做某事，放棄內在意圖。問自己對方的內在意圖可能是什麼。以幫助那個人實現內在意圖的方式行動。一旦你已在幫助他人實現內在意圖，隨意考慮你需要從那個人得到什麼。在你忙於實現他人意圖時，順便提出你的要求。你可能會發現甚至無需暗示自己的需求，一切自然展開。這是外在意圖的魔力。
Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person’s inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person’s intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention.
36/37
影響他人的更有效方法是試圖誘導他們的內在意圖。逐步分解，方法很簡單。增強自我價值感幾乎總是內在意圖的動機。每個人都在某種程度上以某種方式試圖強調和提升自我價值感。如果你需要從某人那裡得到某物，你只需考慮你要求他們做的事如何提升他們的自我價值感。這就是所謂的發出挑戰。
An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one’s sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge.
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你可以向群體或個人發出挑戰，形式如：“你們之中誰是最好的？”如果 你在利用職業榮譽感，挑戰可能聽起來是：“別丟臉！”你也可以訴諸內在重要性：“讓我們展示我們的實力！”如果一個人在自我價值感的背景下接受挑戰，他們會像執行自己的意志一樣執行你的意志，你會得到他們的承諾，因為你放棄了自己的內在意圖，轉而注意他人的內在意圖。與他人的內在意圖合作，而不是你自己的。
You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: “So, who among you is the best?” If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: “Let’s not lose face!” You can also appeal to inner importance: “Let’s show them what we are made of!” If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples’ inner intention, not your own.
關係中的意圖 (Intention)
Intention in Relationships
1/37
我們往往一方面以成就的水平來衡量生活中的成功，另一方面則以我們積累的問題的數量來衡量。Transurfing 幫助我們不去與問題抗爭，而是學會如何避免首先遇到它們，而不是如何解決它們。在 Transurfing 的背景下，我們的目標也以不尋常的方式在外部意圖 (outer intention) 的幫助下實現。無論如何，我們所有的問題和成就都是源於我們與其他人之間的關係，無論是個人還是專業的。
We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional.
2/37
問題是：外部意圖 (outer intention) 可以應用於關係嗎？問題在於外部意圖是難以捉摸的，難以控制或受個人意志的影響。然而，有一些技術可以用來隱性地啟動其功能。通過某種方式，外部意圖可以被啟動，使其獨立運作，不受你的意志影響，但仍然對你有利。
The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour.
3/37
你可以學會與驅動他人的內部意圖 (inner intention) 一起工作，而不是僅僅依賴個人的內部意圖。如果你放下自己的內部意圖，外部意圖將啟動他人內部意圖的運作。外部意圖可以通過簡單的揮手來給你生活中想要的東西，因為它不想要任何東西，也不特別需要做任何事情。它只是允許與外部世界的頻率相調的內部意圖不受阻礙地運作。利用他人的內部意圖來實現你的目標。
Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people’s inner intention to achieve your goals.
4/37
儘管這最後一句話聽起來多麼自私，但它實際上並不意味著你在利用或虐待他人。這更像是不要妨礙他們去做他們真正想做的事情。歸根結底，所有問題都是由於圍繞內部意圖的利益衝突而產生的。出於個人利益，一個人試圖從另一個人那裡獲得某些東西，而另一個人卻有不同的計劃，並堅持按照自己的方式行事。如何平衡不同的利益，滿足雙方的需求？這是一個困難的任務，不是嗎？然而，實際上並不難；這取決於找到彼此內部意圖的共同點。
Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other’s inner intentions.
5/37
自我價值感是內部意圖的核心。在擺錘的世界中，真正激勵一個人的唯一事物，同時限制他們的自由的，是內部意圖和外部意圖。我們的自我價值感與內部重要性 (importance) 相關聯。作為信息能量實體的擺錘是由一群人創造的，然後繼續獨立存在，最終使人們服從自己的法則。擺錘利用重要性來建立其控制。這就是為什麼對大多數人來說，提高自我價值感是形成其意圖的關鍵決定因素。其他決定因素與依賴關係 (dependent relationships) 相關，但程度要小得多。通常，依賴關係只占我們動機的一小部分，並且發展不良，被不斷維持自尊的需求所壓制。
A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one’s self-esteem in a world based on pendulums.
6/37
要在人的關係中啟動外部意圖的力量，你必須首先打破一個錯誤的信念。你可能經常聽到看似非常合適的建議：“如果試圖改變他人無效，那麼就從改變自己開始。”這句話立即引發了一種內心不適和抗議的感覺：“那我就是不完美，需要改變，但我真的不想！”你不想這樣是完全正確的！不要試圖改變他人，但也不要試圖改變自己。無論你做什麼來試圖改變自己或他人，都是內部意圖的無效和有害的工作。用不同的方法來解決問題會更好。讓他人實現他們的內部意圖。允許的行為將激發外部意圖，這將使你的內部意圖似乎自然而然地實現。
To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: “if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself.” This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!” And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord.
7/37
想像一個渴望結婚的女人，但因為她無法理解的原因，她的丈夫卻在抵抗並用藉口推託她。這位女性專注於用內部意圖來說服她的伴侶結婚。施加壓力不會解決問題，她最終會因為強烈的渴望和她對結婚的重視而創造出過度潛力 (excess potential)。結果，平衡的力量無疑會奪走她所愛的人。那麼問題出在哪裡？也許她的伴侶對這段關係不再投入，或者不再愛她？當然不是。這位女性將他們的愛情關係轉變為一種依賴關係，使婚姻成為破局的條件：“如果你愛我，你就會同意嫁給我。”
Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: “If you loved me you would agree to marry me”.
8/37
為了讓外部意圖發揮作用，這位女性必須放下她對說服伴侶嫁給她的執著，並問自己：一個男人在婚姻中尋找什麼？答案並不難找到。他無疑想知道他的需求是否會得到滿足，以及他是否會感到被愛、被重視、被尊重和被欣賞等等。如果這位女性能將她的精力引導到幫助他滿足這些需求上，她不僅會實現自己的目標，還能成功滿足自己類似的需求。如果你覺得這位男性不值得你去愛和尊重，那麼，既然你對他有這樣的感覺，為什麼還要和他在一起呢？每個人都有自由選擇的權利。
For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose.
9/37
如你所見，沒有必要改變自己。問題在於，開放的窗口在我們通常尋找的地方之外。通常，人們如此專注於想從他人那裡獲得什麼，以至於不去關心那些其他人想要什麼。通過將注意力轉移到他人的願望和動機上，你將輕鬆找到自己的需求得到滿足。你只需問自己，你伴侶的內部意圖的焦點是什麼。這就像從玻璃窗後面向後飛行，最終看到開放的窗口。接下來，剩下的就是將你的內部意圖重新聚焦於實現你伴侶的內部意圖。這樣做，你將個人的內部意圖轉變為外部意圖。
As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner’s inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner’s inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention.
10/37
很多時候，內部意圖旨在吸引注意力並以最佳的方式展示自己，或者你可能擔心某些事情進展不順利。想像一下，你要去參加一個派對。你可能想像所有其他受邀的人都會將目光集中在你身上，並隨時注意你的位置；因為他們聚集在一起的唯一目的是討論你穿的衣服、你的動作和你談論的內容。如果你聽到小組中有人在笑，你會假設他們是在笑你，並且你會感受到許多貶低的目光！我同情你！
Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise!
11/37
你當然已經明白，這種情況應該以相反的方式來解釋。派對上的其他人主要關心的是自己和其他人對他們的看法。他們如何對待其他人是他們心中最後的考量。因此，你可以放鬆，輕鬆自在，感到自由。不要試圖以缺乏矯飾或做作的方式行事；只需給自己自然和輕鬆的品質。
You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease.
12/37
記住，設定自己以不做作的方式行事的目標是行不通的。當然，你可能會在滑動 (slide) 的幫助下有所進展，但這需要時間，而派對就在今天。只有消除重要性 (importance)，你才能達到不做作的狀態。然而，減少重要性並不總是容易。你不可能瞬間完全放棄以最佳方式展示自己的渴望。
Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant.
13/37
解決方案很簡單。當有人和你交談時，他們最需要的是你給予他們注意力，並對他們作為一個人表現出興趣。你可以相當確定，人們只對自己感興趣，所以也要對他們感興趣。將注意力從自己轉移到他人身上。啟動你的守護者 (Guardian) ，停止提升自己自我價值的遊戲。
The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth.
14/37
玩一個提高他人重要性的遊戲。對其他人表現出興趣，聆聽他們所說的話並觀察。你不需要迎合他們的喜好，只需隨波逐流。當你將注意力從自我轉移到他人身上時，你自己的重要性的過度潛力將自動消退。然後你將成功地自然行為。
Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally.
15/37
你通過對他人表現出興趣來吸引注意力。不要和人們談論你感興趣的事情，而是和他們談論他們感興趣的事情，包括他們自己。然後你的內部意圖將轉變為外部意圖。其他人會立即對認識你產生興趣。他們無法逃避你外部意圖的力量，這種力量在運作上總是非常微妙。試圖讓人們對你自己感興趣是毫無用處的。這種渴望是內部意圖的反映。對他人表現出興趣是外部意圖的反映。通過放棄內部意圖並將注意力轉向他人，你輕鬆實現了你最初想要的結果；只有外部意圖為你做到這一點。
You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you.
16/37
你可能會想知道，如何通過對他人表現出興趣來吸引注意力，心想：“好吧，我表現出一些好奇心。這真的會讓我看起來更有趣嗎？”問題是，即使你比現在吸引一千倍，其他人仍然主要關心自己，並且只會在事後對他人感興趣。當你試圖吸引注意力時，你只是在考慮自己。當你對另一個人表現出興趣時，你滿足了他們的內部意圖。如果他們的滿足感不是來自你，那麼他們還會對誰感興趣呢？
You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: “OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?” The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you?
17/37
人們對其他人感興趣，當他們是知名人物時，比如娛樂圈和電影界的明星。但這是一種不同的興趣。除非你是電影明星，否則人們會將你視為商業、友誼或愛情的潛在夥伴。狂熱者對明星的迷戀是極端的，對他們著迷，吞噬他們生活中的每一個細節，但他們絕不會考慮將名人視為個人關係中的潛在夥伴。在日常交流中，你的有趣程度並不重要。重要的是其他人認為你在關係中適合他們的程度，而這正是他們在與你交流時所評估的。
People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you.
18/37
當一個人和你在一起時，他們通常在考慮自己的利益，並有意識或無意識地評估你在他們感到個人滿足的關係劇本中適合的程度。當他們的自我價值感得到確認時，人們會感到滿足：他們感到被喜歡、有趣、受到尊重，和其他人一樣有價值且被重視。
When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued.
19/37
現在考慮一下，在一種情況下強加自己於他人和在另一種情況下對他人表現出興趣的結果會是什麼。自然地，如果你滿足了他們對自我價值確認的需求，你將符合他們所有的標準。如果你對一個人的自尊心有益，他們會對你可能存在的明顯缺陷寬容，並原諒你的弱點；你可能會擔心自己的缺點，試圖掩蓋它們並展現你的優點，但這是對方心中最後的考量。我重申，你的優點和缺陷並不是你伴侶的主要關注點。然而，他們在和你交談時所感受到的自我價值感，卻是他們的首要任務。
Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person’s self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person’s mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner’s prime concern. The sense of self- worth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority.
20/37
你可能在各方面都“迷人”，但這並不會幫助你尋找朋友或伴侶。相反，許多明星都遭受孤獨。你卓越的品質甚至可能限制你尋找伴侶的機會。人們可以看到你全部的“迷人”，但首先他們在評估與你的完美相比，他們站在你身邊會感到多麼重要。如果你在他們面前閃耀著光芒，他們可能會決定自己的個性只能在耀眼的光芒中黯然失色。向你所有的美好品質揮手，並將全部注意力給予面對你的人。讓他們感受到，當他們站在你身邊時，他們會知道自己的真正價值，你就會俘獲他們的心。
You might be ‘gorgeous’ in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full ‘gorgeousness’ but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart.
21/37
當你和某人交談並表現出對他們的興趣時，要真誠。不要讓他們感覺到你試圖通過操控他們來贏得他們的好感，或者你有隱藏的議程。如果你真的希望某個人對你持友好態度，那麼至少他們值得你真誠的對待。
When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.
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自我表現為有趣的交談者的人，試圖以證明自己有多聰明和提及名人來展示自己，表現出他們在生活中見過和經歷過多少。這種行為是指向內部意圖的，這是大多數人在想要向他人顯得有趣時的行為方式。退一步，跳出這種單一性，採取不同的立場。給你的伴侶機會讓他們顯得有趣，而不是試圖成為一個有趣的交談者。調整到他們的頻率，專心聆聽，提出問題，並對伴侶選擇的話題和生活表現出興趣。你會發現，這樣你可以與伴侶進行長達幾個小時的對話，而他們會說得最多。在你們對話的結尾，他們會完全相信自己遇到了一位非常有趣的知己和一位全方位的美好人物。
People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner’s chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round.
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外部意圖通過允許他人的內部意圖得以實現來運作。你犧牲了將自己的個性置於聚光燈下，以讓他人的個性閃耀；因此，你獲得了你所犧牲的東西。相關的人會立即被打動，成為你的熱心粉絲，因為你讓他們實現了內部意圖；這是他們在名人陪伴下永遠無法體驗到的。
Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.
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如果你希望獲得一個目前不想和你對話的人（例如你希望接受你的商業提案的人）的注意，你該怎麼做呢？在這種情況下，更有理由相信你只有將自己和你的提案放到一邊，並給予他們你的全部注意力，才能引起他們的興趣。真正關心那個人所參與的一切，並花時間與他們交談。只有這樣，他們才會對你的問題表現出任何興趣。
What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem.
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你可能會問，為什麼你必須聆聽他人，對他們的生活感興趣，給予他們你的注意，並愛護和尊重他們，當他們完全以自我為中心，甚至懶得和你交談時。好吧，那麼，為什麼他們應該對你感興趣、欣賞、愛護和尊重你呢？你想像中的一切關於自己的真實性，無論你有多麼美好，與他們相比又是多麼的美好，僅僅是包裹在依賴和重要性關係的過剩潛力中的內在意圖的幻想。你的內在意圖是要有價值，但只有當你放棄你的內在意圖，讓他人的內在意圖得到實現時，你才會在他人眼中變得真正重要。你的優勢在於你是外在意圖導向，而他人則是內在意圖導向。充分利用你的優勢。
You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage.
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一般來說，當你想從某人那裡得到某樣東西時，你應該記住一個普遍原則：放下內在意圖去接收，並用給予的意圖來取而代之。這非常容易做到。
Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do.
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如果你希望某人尊重和承認你，別等待他們的尊重。對他們表現出你的尊重。讓他們感受到在你眼中他們是重要的。如果你需要的是同情和感激，別期待他人給予這些東西。參與他人的問題，真誠地關心他們。如果你希望被認為有吸引力，僅僅因為一雙美麗的眼睛是不夠的。通過定義讓別人知道你認為他們有吸引力。如果你需要幫助和支持，成為幫助別人的那個人。這樣你會提高自己的價值，而不會成為欠債的一方。最後，如果你想找到互愛，放棄佔有欲和依賴關係。如果你能夠只是愛而不期待任何回報，你會找到愛。這種愛是非常罕見的，沒有人能抵抗。在所有這些情況下，你必然會得到你放下的東西。
If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people’s problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off.
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還有一個問題：你如何讓某人做你需要他們做的事情。如果你在必要的權力位置上，你可以用內在意圖強迫某人做某事。你也可以說服某人認為他們必須做某事。然而，外在意圖提供了最有效的方法：以某種方式安排事情，使得那個人想要幫助你。協商事情，使其符合他們的目標和願望。問問自己，你如何能將你想要的與另一個人的需求聯繫起來。
There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs.
29/37
首先，確定他人的需求，他們追求什麼，缺乏什麼，無論是金錢、權力、他人的尊重、從工作中獲得的成就感、對孩子的關心、聲望、在團隊中的領導角色、社會認可等等。所有這些都是自我價值主題的變體。
Start by defining the other person’s needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.
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當人們感到自己對世界的重要性微不足道時，總會感到不安。當一個人感覺不被需要或不值錢時，他們自然會試圖提高自己的自我價值感。當一個人取得成果時，他們會感到更自信，並準備設定新的任務，因為他們的自我價值標準被提高了。這沒有什麼錯。沒有人應該因為渴望感到更有價值而受到評判。每個人都在試圖提高他們的自我價值感，只是他們的方式不同。相反，當一個人停止發展並且不想要任何東西時，情況就更糟，儘管這種情況非常罕見。通常，人們在某種程度上對他們目前的生活狀況感到不滿，因此努力追求某些東西，即使是微不足道的。
Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest.
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那麼，想想對你來說重要的任務如何能改善那個人的自我價值感。然後，將這項任務呈現給他們，讓他們感受到這將提升他們的地位。讓一個人感受到更被重視，他們會對自己有更大的信心。當他們這樣做時，對他們表示慷慨的感激。
So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person’s sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them.
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如果你讓自己遵循這一原則，你將輕鬆促使其他人為自己的利益行動。由內在意圖驅動，你可能會試圖強迫或勸說某人做某事。由外在意圖驅動，你只是表達希望一切對你有利的願望。為了實現外在意圖，你必須以某種方式安排事情，讓人們在考慮自己的關切和做對他們重要的事情的同時，為你的利益行動。你所要做的就是醒來，將自己從自己的利益中拉開，關心他人的需求。
If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others.
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例如，如果你從事零售業，你會考慮如何將你的產品賣給潛在客戶。然而，買家不會考慮如何取悅你，他們也不想被推銷。他們想要購買。你能看到區別嗎？買家更有可能在想：“我希望每個人都停止試圖向我推銷東西，讓我選擇我想買的東西。”
For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: “I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy.”
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不要考慮如何銷售你的產品。想想買家可能想購買什麼。銷售的願望是內在意圖的反映。外在意圖則採取完全不同的方法，即找出買家想要什麼。你不必確切知道買家想要什麼產品。如果他們患有風濕病，而你真心關心他們，推薦一位醫生或治療方法，買家就會向你購買。這當然是一個過於簡化的例子，但這一原則是無誤的。
Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible.
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每當你需要某人做某事時，放下內在意圖。問問自己，對方的內在意圖可能是什麼。以一種能幫助那個人實現內在意圖的方式行動。一旦你已經在幫助別人實現他們的內在意圖，隨意考慮你需要從那個人那裡得到什麼。在你忙於實現他人意圖的同時，順便提出你的請求。你可能會發現，你甚至不需要暗示自己的需求，一切都會自然而然地展開。這就是外在意圖的神奇力量。
Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person’s inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person’s intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention.
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一種更有效的影響他人的方法是試圖誘導他們的內在意圖。當你逐步分析時，這種方法相當簡單。增強一個人的自我價值感幾乎總是作為內在意圖的動機。每個人都在試圖以某種方式強調和提高他們的自我價值感。如果你需要某人做某事，你所要做的就是思考如何讓他們做你要求的事情會提高他們的自我價值感。這就是所謂的發出挑戰。
An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one’s sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge.
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你可以向一個團體或個人發出挑戰，形式為：“那麼，你們當中誰是最好的？”如果你在玩專業榮譽的情感，那麼挑戰可能聽起來是：“讓我們不要丟臉！”你也可以訴諸內在重要性：“讓我們向他們展示我們的實力！”如果一個人在自我價值的背景下接受挑戰，他們會像執行自己的意志一樣執行你的意志，因為你放棄了自己的內在意圖，並關注了他人的內在意圖。與他人的內在意圖合作，而不是自己的。
You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: “So, who among you is the best?” If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: “Let’s not lose face!” You can also appeal to inner importance: “Let’s show them what we are made of!” If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples’ inner intention, not your own.