科學學者

Sciendologists

就這樣，這支「探險隊」出發了，他們的首要目標是消除蓋子，踏上了他們旅程的最後一段。隊伍的領頭是綠色的傻瓜，他真的全身綠色，穿著他那無形的連帽衫和標誌性的太陽鏡，沒有帶上他認為多餘的棍子。

And with that the ‘expedition,’ the prime objective of which was to liquidate the lid, set out on the ultimate leg of their journey. Heading the procession was Eejit Green, who was literally green, dressed in his shapeless hoodie and signature sunglasses minus the club which he had left behind having decided that it was superfluous.

第二位是女王布倫希爾達，一位穿著中世紀風格粗麻布長裙的貴族女士，紅髮編成辮子，頭上戴著金色圓環，裙下藏著一把戰劍。

Second was Queen Brunhilda, a regal-looking lady in a medieval-style dress made of rough linen, her red hair arranged in a plait, a golden hoop crowning her head and a battle sword hidden beneath her skirts.

橙色奶牛排在第三位，化身為一位身材豐滿、紅髮的迷人女子，穿著橙色及膝連衣裙和華麗的黑色鞋子。

Orange Cow went third in her new guise as an attractive-looking woman of ample proportions with red hair dressed in an orange knee-length dress and garish black shoes.

接下來是黃色潛水艇，也換上了她的新裝，成為一位輕佻的金髮女郎，穿著黃色連身褲和橙色靴子。

Next came Yellow Submarine also donning her new guise as a frivolous-looking blonde dressed in a yellow jumpsuit and orange boots.

然後是普西拉，她不論是大多數是女人還是大多數是貓，無疑是一位驚艷的棕髮女子，頭髮狂野，穿著黑色毛皮夾克和褲子，白色靴子和手套，擁有奢華的蓬鬆尾巴和一對貓耳。

Then there was Puscilla, and whether she was mostly woman or mostly cat, she was definitely a spectacular-looking brunette with a shock of wild hair dressed in a black fur jacket and pants, white boots and gloves, a luxurious fluffy tail and a set of feline ears.

隊伍的最後是毛茸茸的野獸，現在是一位外貌宜人的年輕人，擁有大而憂鬱的眼睛和及肩的棕色頭髮，優雅地穿著黑色天鵝絨西裝，配有大金扣和雪白的襯衫，襯衫上有豐富的褶邊，但奇怪的是，腳上穿著羊毛便鞋。

Bringing up the procession was Shaggy Beast, now a young man of pleasant appearance, big, sad-looking eyes and brown hair to his shoulders, elegantly dressed in a black velvet suit with large gold buttons and a snow-white shirt with lush frills, but strangely, shod in woolly moccasins.

很快，這支五顏六色的團隊出現在一座高大宏偉的建築前的廣場上，這座建築傲慢地展示著大字標誌「科學學院」。字母O和D看起來比其他字母更新，這表明它們是最近添加的。

Soon, this colorful team appeared in the square in front of a tall, grandiose building arrogantly flaunting the large-lettered inscription ‘ACODEMY OF SCIEND’. The letters O and D looked distinctly newer than the others suggesting that they had been added recently.

朋友們走進建築，發現自己身處一個寬敞的走廊，天花板高大而宏偉。儘管空間寬敞，房間裡卻悶熱，還有一股舊書的味道。與建築外面牌匾上的字母相似的單個字母靠在一面牆上，排列成「MANAGAMENT」這個詞。老舊的鑲木地板在腳下嘎吱作響。一個鋪著破舊地毯的寬大樓梯通向下一層樓。樓梯旁邊有一張桌子，表面磨損且有裂痕。桌子後面，面對著入口，坐著一位戴著厚鏡片眼鏡的乾瘦老人，穿著一件長袖的破舊西裝。他雙手交握，手指交錯地放在一起。

The friends entered the building and found themselves in a spacious hallway with a grand high ceiling. Despite its spaciousness, the room was stuffy and smelled of old books. Individual letters similar to those on the plaque on the outside of the building were propped up against one wall arranged to create the word ‘MANAGAMENT’. The decrepit parquet floor creaked underfoot. A wide- fronted staircase lined in a battered old carpet led up to the next floor. Beside the staircase stood a table with a worn, cracked surface. Behind the table, facing the entrance sat a wizened old man in thick-lensed glasses wearing a threadbare suit with long sleeves. He sat with his hands clasped together and his fingers interlaced.

「你們以為自己要去哪裡？你們不被允許上去！」老人喊道，連問都沒問客人來訪的目的。

“And where do you think you are going? You’re not allowed up there!” the elderly man shouted out without even stopping to ask the guests the purpose of their visit.

普西拉站在其他人前面，將爪子放在桌子上。她向前傾身，喵喵地說。

Puscilla stood in front of the others resting her paws on the table. She leaned forward and purred.

「是的，我們是被允許的！」

“Yes, we ar-r-r-e!”

老人被嚇了一跳，但很快恢復過來。

The old man was taken aback but quickly recovered.

「你們是誰？客人不被允許超過這個點！這是科學的地方！」

“And who might you be? Guests aren’t allowed beyond this point! This is a place of sciend!”

「普西拉！」奶牛低聲說。

“Puscilla!” Cow hissed.

傻瓜把試圖用豹的凝視催眠老人的普西拉拉回來，然後自己對老人說。

Eejit pulled Puscilla back, who was trying to hypnotize the old man with the gaze of a panther and addressed the man himself.

「先生，我們是來科學學院執行官方任務的，我們想要……」

“Sir, we have come to the Academy of Science on an official mission and would like...”

「我們這裡是科學，不是科學！」老人打斷他，指著上方。「聽起來是不是更有震撼力？」

“We have sciend here, not science!” the old man interrupted him pointing his finger upwards. “Sounds a lot more impressive, doesn’t it?”

「當然，」傻瓜回答，摘下他的眼鏡。「我們想和科學家們見面討論……」

“Of course,” Eejit replied removing his glasses. “We would like to meet with the scientists to discuss ...”

「我們不再叫科學家，而是更具代表性的名稱——『科學學家』！而且我們不是學院，我們是管理部，看到了嗎！我們正在更換標誌。」

“And we’re not called scientists anymore but something much more representative — ‘sciendologists’! And we’re not the Acodemy, we’re the Managament, see! We’re in the middle of changing the sign.”

「那麼，請問這是為了什麼目的？」

“And for what purpose might I ask?”

「因為我們得出結論，科學不是用來研究的，而是用來管理的。」

“Because we have come to the conclusion that sciend is not to be studied but managed.”

「為什麼這樣說？你們已經研究完所有東西了嗎？」 「正是如此！我們對科學的了解已經無所不知。」 「那你們打算如何管理它？」

“Why is that? Have you already studied everything?” “Precisely! We know everything there is no know about sciend.” “And how do you intend to manage it?”

「無論我們認為合適，但必須以嚴格的科學方式，自然地。」

“However, we think fit but in a strictly sciendific manner, naturally.”

「完全正確。就應該是這樣，」傻瓜說。「既然如此，我們仍然想和科學家們……科學學家們見面……」

“Quite correct. Just as it should be,” said Eejit. “That being the case, we would still like to meet with the scientists... the sciendologists…”

「你們不能。他們很忙。」 「忙什麼？」

“You can’t. They’re busy.” “What with?”

「他們在思考。」 「思考什麼？」

“They’re thinking.” “What about?”

「關於科學！」老人再次抬起手指指向上方。

“About sciend!” the old man replied raising an upward pointing finger again.

「如果你們已經知道所有的事情，那還有什麼好思考的？」 「我們不僅知道一切。我們知道比一切還要多！」

“What is there to think about if you already know everything there is to know?” “We don’t just know everything. We know more than everything!”

「比一切還多？」

“More than everything?”

「是的。但仍然需要在分類和科學化的原則上進行工作。」

“Yes. But there is still work to be done on classi-si-fi-cation and prinsci-pili-ali- zation of whatever there is.”

「那麼有點像清單？」

“Something resembling an inventory then?”

「正是如此。仍然有很多工作要做，以分類什麼與科學相關，什麼不相關。」

“Precisely. There is still a lot of work to be done in classi-sci-fi-ying what relates to sciend and what does not.”

「那麼區分兩者的標準是什麼？」

“And the criteria for distinguishing between the two?”

「非常簡單。任何無法用科學解釋的東西都不是科學。我們否定任何我們不理解的東西。」

“Very simple. Anything that does not lend itself to sciendific explanation is not sciendific. We negate anything we do not understand.”

「但不可解釋的現象並不會因為尚未被解釋就停止存在，」傻瓜反對道。

“But inexplicable phenomena do not cease to exist simply because they have not yet been explained,” Eejit objected.

「好吧，請清場！我們有科學！你們有什麼？」

“Right, please clear the premises! We have sciend! What have you got?”

「我們也帶來了科學！」奶牛決定加入對話。「我們有一個嚴格的科學假設，希望能親自向您提出。」

“We’ve come with sciend too!” Cow decided to join in the conversation. “We have a strictly sciendific hypothesis which we wish to put to you personally.”

「什麼假設，為什麼要親自向我提出？」

“What hypothesis and why me personally?”

「因為我一眼就看出您是科學的權威。」

“Because I can see straight away that you are a luminary of sciend.”

「那麼，你們的假設是什麼？」老人稍微緩和地問。

“So, what is this hypothesis of yours?” The old man asked softening a little.

「嗯，比如說，你知道科學在古代文明中起源於何處嗎？畢竟，他們是古老且未開發的。」

“Well, for example, do you know where sciend originated in the ancient civilizations? After all, they were ancient and undeveloped.”

「那時候沒有科學，也不可能有，」老人帶著輕蔑的微笑說。「我們是唯一擁有科學的人！」

“There was no such thing as sciend then, nor could there have been,” the old man smiled condescendingly. “We are the only ones who have ever had sciend!”

「但那些現存的巨石、字母、古代繪畫和文物呢？」

“But what about the surviving megaliths, alphabets, ancient drawings and artifacts?”

「我重申，從科學的角度來看，這些都無法解釋，這意味著這些都是完全不科學的。」

“I repeat, none of that can be explained from the point of view of sciend which means it’s all strictly unsciendific.”

「我完全同意你的看法！但如果你能嚴格地用科學證實我們的假設，你就可以把這一切變成科學。」

“I completely agree with you! But you could turn it all into sciend if you strictly sciendifically substantiate our hypothesis.”

朋友們互相困惑地看了一眼，不明白奶牛的用意。此時，奶牛變得激動，突然變回她原來的樣子，一頭橙色有翅膀的奶牛。她拍動翅膀，飛上空中，邊飛邊唱。

The friends glanced at each other in confusion not understanding what Cow was driving at. Meanwhile, Cow was transformed, excited and suddenly acquired her former appearance as an orange winged cow. She flapped her wings and rose up into the air singing as she went.

「從前，當沒有科學這回事時，奶牛從海裡出來，教人們寫字、天文學和各種其他科學！然後奶牛回到海裡，人們開始研究和發展科學，將其推向極限而不完美，並達到一種無限完美的狀態，結果出現了現代科學，這是完美無限且極其完美的！」

“Once upon a time, when there was no such thing as sciend, the cows came out of the sea and taught people writing, astronomy and all sorts of other sciends! Then the cows returned to the sea, and people began studying and developing sciend, taking it to its limits with no perfection as well as to a state of perfection, which has no limits, as a result of which, a modern sciend appeared, which was perfectly limitless and outrageously perfect!”

科學學家盯著這奇妙的景象，既震驚又著迷。但當奶牛降落並變回胖女孩時，老人回過神來。

The sciendologist stared at the wondrous sight equally stunned and entranced. But when Cow landed and transformed back into a fat girl, the old man returned to his senses.

「我剛才看到和聽到的是不可能的，因為這不是科學，」他說。

“What I have just seen and heard is impossible because it’s not sciend,” he uttered.

「但你親眼看到了，」傻瓜說。

“But you saw it with your own eyes,” said Eejit.

「看到是不夠的。這需要科學的證實，」他回答。

“It’s not enough to see it. It requires sciendific substantiation,” he replied.

「那麼就用嚴格的科學方式證實它，」奶牛說。「我們的假設將成為一個科學發現。」

“Substantiate it then, strictly sciendifically,” said Cow. “And our hypothesis will become a sciendific discovery.”

「是的，確實如此，如果我這麼做，那它就是科學，」老人思考了一下後同意道。

“Yes, indeed, if I do it, then it will be sciend,” the old man agreed after taking a moment to think about it.

「當然！只有你，沒有人能做到！」

“Naturally! You alone, no-one else!”

「那麼，我立刻去開始寫我的論文。」老人忙亂地準備離開，突然猶豫了一下，轉身回來。

“In that case, I will go this instant and start writing my dissertation.” The old man fussed and was about to rush off when he suddenly hesitated and turned back.

「但你們還是不被允許進來。這裡有科學！」 「請問，我們有幸與誰交談？」傻瓜問。「我是科學辦公桌的文員！」

“But you’re still not allowed in here. There’s sciend here!” “Excuse me, but with whom do we have the honor?” asked Eejit. “I am the sciend desk clerk!”

「我們也是直接與科學相關的。我們代表監督委員會，進行官方訪問。」

“We too are directly related to sciend. We represent a supervisory board commission and have come on an official visit.”

「我們有足夠多的委員會和委員會。如果我們需要另一個，我們會自己創建。我們不需要其他人的。」

“We have more than enough of our own commissions and committees. But if we require another one, we’ll create it ourselves. We don’t need anyone else’s.”

「我們是特別授權的人，擁有撤銷相關和其他官員權力的特別權力，因此我們解除你作為科學辦公桌文員的職權。你可以自由地去沉浸在科學知識的深淵中。看！看看！」

“We are especially authorized persons, endowed with special powers to withdraw the powers of relevant and other officials, and we thereby relieve you of the powers of sciend desk clerk. You are free to go and immerse yourself in the abyss of sciendific knowledge. See? Look!”

傻瓜遞出文件讓老人查看，老人仔細研究後勉強同意。

Eejit held out the document for the old man to see and having studied it attentively, the old man reluctantly agreed.

「我已經很久沒有沉浸在深淵中了。」

“I have not plunged into the abyss for a long time.”

「好吧，你現在可以沉浸，但在此之前，帶我們去見你們的首席科學學家。」

“Well, you can plunge now but before you do, take us to your top sciendologist.”

「首席科學學家現在很忙。他正在進行一個非常重要的科學實驗。」

“The top sciendologist is busy at the moment. He’s carrying out a very weighty sciend experiment.”

「太好了。我們會觀察。」

“Wonderful. We will observe.”

「好吧，如果……你們承擔全部責任。」老人最終停止考慮，帶領整個團隊上樓。

“Well, if ... you take full responsibility.” The old man finally stopped deliberating and led the whole company upstairs.

他們進入了一個實驗室，根據卡拉米拉的描述，他們認出這是電報所在的房間。一名操作員坐在控制台前，不時按下按鈕，這讓人可以假設電氣裝置正在積極運行。此外，顯然正在為某件非常重要的事情做準備，因為到處都是穿著白大褂和閃亮工作服的人在這裡那裡忙碌。朋友們爬進玻璃掩體，加入負責整個操作的主任科學學家和其他幾位科學學家。

They entered a laboratory which they recognized from Caramilla’s description as the room in which the electric telegraph was stationed. An operator was sitting at the controls pressing buttons from time to time from which one could assume that the electrical contraption was actively functioning. In addition, preparations were clearly underway for something extremely important, since everywhere people in white coats and shiny overalls were scurrying this way and that. The friends climbed up into the glass bunker to join the director sciendologist, who was in charge of the whole operation as well as a few other sciendologists.

「你們是誰？你們不被允許進來。這是科學！」主席喊道。

“And who might you be? You aren’t allowed in here. This is sciend!” shouted the chairman.

「我們是監督委員會的委員會，」傻瓜揮舞著他的文件說。「我們被授權觀察和參加，以及參加和觀察。」

“We are a commission from the Supervisory Board,” said Eejit, waving his piece of paper. “We are authorized to observe and attend, as well as to attend and observe.”

「好吧，那就觀察吧。但不要妨礙進程。這是關鍵時刻。」

“Well, observe then. But don’t get in the way of proceedings. This is a crucial moment.”

主席似乎專注於手頭的活動，既沒有時間也不想站起來爭論。

The chairman appeared to be so focused on the activity at hand, he had neither time nor inclination to stand and bicker.

「好吧。請注意！每個人都在自己的位置上！」主任對著麥克風喊道。「發明實驗開始！」

“Right. Attention please! Everyone in their places!” the director shouted into the microphone. “The invention experiment is starting!”

穿著長袍和工作服的人比以往更加忙亂。

The people in gowns and overalls fussed more than ever.

「準備好！」主席繼續發號施令。「總覽……操作……控制！」

“Get ready!” The chairman continued to give the orders. “Overview... maneuvering... control!”

實驗室裡的人開始跑得更快，但最終，他們冷靜下來，回到控制台和監視器前。

The people in the laboratory started running about even faster but finally, they calmed down and took their places at the controls and monitors.

「所有設備準備就緒！」一名操作員報告。

“All devices set for control!” reported one of the operators.

「放置實驗用的特殊樣本！」下一個命令來了。一扇門打開，一名穿著白色防輻射服的人進入實驗室。

“Placing special specimen for experiment!” The next command came. A door opened and a man in a white, anti-radiation suit entered the laboratory.

這個人還穿著看起來很有氣勢的靴子、手套和一頂帶有小玻璃窗作為眼孔的頭盔。他抓著一隻老鼠，抓住它尾巴的尖端，手臂完全伸展。

The figure was also wearing impressive-looking boots, gloves and a helmet with a small, glass window as an eye hole. He was carrying a rat which he gripped by the tip of its tail, his arm fully outstretched,

「插入屏蔽容器！」主席命令。

“Insert screening container!” the chairman ordered.

第二扇門打開，另一個穿著同樣類型服裝的人進入房間，手裡拿著一個鍋，同樣手臂伸展。

A second door opened and another man in the same type of suit entered the room holding a saucepan, likewise, his arms outstretched.

「插入防安全蓋！」

“Insert anti-safety lid!”

第三扇門打開，第三個參與者出現，手裡拿著鍋蓋。

A third door opened, and a third participant appeared holding the lid to the saucepan.

「注意！蓋子建模過程中！」

“Attention! Lid modelling in process!”

三位宇航員互相面對，並以高效協調的動作將老鼠放入鍋中，然後蓋上蓋子。

All three cosmonauts turned to face one another and with an efficiently coordinated set of actions placed the rat in the pan and covered it with the lid.

「準備自然的原型！」下一個命令響起。

“Prepare prototype of nature!” sounded the next command.

這時朋友們才注意到房間中央的基座上放著一台微波爐。三位宇航員走向基座。一位打開微波爐門，第二位將裝有老鼠的鍋放入，第三位關上門。

Only now did our friends notice a microwave arranged on a pedestal at the center of the room. The three astronauts approached the pedestal. One opened the microwave door, the second inserted the saucepan containing the rat and the third closed the door.

「激怒自然的原型！」

“Enrage prototype of nature!”

一位宇航員插上微波爐電源，第二位設置時間，第三位伸出手指準備按下啟動按鈕。

One of the astronauts plugged in the microwave, the second set the time and the third extended his finger ready to press the Start button.

「好吧，開始誤算！」主席莊重地宣布。

“Right, beginning miscalculation!” the chairman proclaimed solemnly.

房間裡的所有人明顯緊張地盯著他們的監視器，顯然顯示著實驗的進程。

All those present in the room noticeably tensed staring at their monitors which evidently showed the course of the experiment.

「你的鍋子快要爆炸了，」普西拉打破了這一刻的莊重。

“Your cocotte is about to explode,” said Puscilla disturbing the solemnity of the moment.

「噓——！」科學學家們低聲說。

“Sh-h-h!” the sciendologists hissed.

「聽我指令！」主任喊道，準備開始倒數。「九、八、七、六、五、四、三、二、一、零……起飛！」

“On my command!” shouted the director about to begin the countdown. “Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, zero ... Lift off!”

一位宇航員啟動了微波爐，然後三人都靜止不動地圍著它等待。微波爐嗡嗡作響，閃爍，然後冒煙，最後爆炸，碎成數百塊。大廳裡的所有人本能地低下頭，但沒有人受傷。令人驚訝的是，鍋子和老鼠仍然完好無損地留在原位。

One of the astronauts started the microwave and then all three stood around it motionless in anticipation. The microwave buzzed, sparkled, then smoked and finally exploded shattering into hundreds of pieces. All those present in the hall ducked instinctively but no one was hurt. Surprisingly, the saucepan and the rat remained untouched in its original place.

「確認科學！」主任在短暫停頓後命令。

“Confirm sciend!” ordered the director after a short pause.

宇航員們走向基座。一位揭開鍋蓋，另一位取出老鼠，結果發現它活得好好的。

The astronauts approached the pedestal. One removed the lid from the saucepan, and another took out the rat, which turned out to be alive and well.

「科學戰勝了自然！祝賀大家實驗成功！」主任宣布。隨之而來的是熱烈的掌聲。

“Sciend has defeated nature! Congratulations to all on a successful experiment!” proclaimed the director. Vigorous applause followed.

「發明實驗表明，我們的蓋子不僅無害，還具有防安全性！現在這已經被嚴格科學地證明了！」

“The invention experiment has shown that our lid is not only harmless, but also anti-safety! And now it is strictly sciendifically proved!”

「我們代表監督委員會，祝賀你們實驗成功，」傻瓜上前說。「現在，如果你們允許，我代表上述委員會宣布科學實驗的成功結束。」

“And we, on behalf of the supervisory board, congratulate you on your successful experiment,” said Eejit taking the floor. “And now, if you will, permit me to declare, on behalf of the aforementioned board the successful pend of the sciend experiment.”

「你是什麼意思，結束？」主任困惑地問。

“What do you mean, the pend?” asked the director perplexed.

「就是這樣。我們宣布它的成功結束，並以此正式關閉科學實驗。你們可以關掉電報。」

“Just that. We declare its successful pend and with that hereby close the sciend experiment. You may turn off the electric telegraph.”

「但最高監督委員會命令……」

“But the Supreme Supervisory Board ordered...”

「那是最高委員會。我們是超級委員會。」 「但我們這裡有科學！」

“That was the Supreme board. We are the Supereminent.” “But we have sciend here!”

「而我們擁有權威的權力，」傻瓜說，將他的文件在科學學家面前晃動。

“And we have the authoritative powers,” said Eejit shaking his piece of paper under the sciendologist’s nose.

科學學家猶豫了一下，但隨後堅決地說。

The sciendologist hesitated but then spoke resolutely.

「不，我們不能停止實驗。畢竟這是科學！」

“No, we cannot stop the experiment. This is sciend after all!”

「為什麼不學著與自然和諧共處，而不是試圖影響它？」女王加入對話問道。

“Why don’t you learn to live in harmony with nature instead of trying to influence it?” asked the queen joining in the conversation.

「你是什麼意思？我不明白你在說什麼。」

“What do you mean? I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

「這是你的世界，你的家。為什麼你必須對它做任何事情？為什麼要費這麼多力氣去玩弄它、翻動它、攪拌、改變和重建？」

“This is your world, your home. Why should you have to do anything to it? Why all this effort to toy with it, rake it over, stir, change and rebuild?”

「你是什麼意思，為什麼？當然是為了征服自然，實現對自然世界的最終勝利！」

“What do you mean, why? To conquer nature, of course, to bring about the final victory over the natural world!”

「但為什麼征服自然這麼重要？為什麼不能與世界和諧共處？」

“But why is it so important to conquer nature? Why can’t you just live in harmony with the world?”

「因為我們比自然更聰明。我們更有創造力！」

“Because we are smarter than nature. We are more inventive!”

「你認為你知道關於自然的一切以及這個世界的秩序嗎？」布倫希爾達問道，儘管傻瓜已經在向她揮手，準備實施B計劃。

“And you think you know everything there is to know about nature and how this world is ordered?” Brunhilda asked refusing to let up although Eejit was already waving at her and preparing for plan B.

「當然！我們已經知道關於科學的一切！」

“Of course! We already know everything there is to know about sciend!”

「那麼你們的科學對城市外的鏡子般的物體有什麼看法？」

“And what does your sciend have to say about the mirror-like object beyond the city?”

「什麼物體？」

“What object?”

「那道無法穿越的隱形牆。」 「那不是科學！」科學學家笑道。

“The invisible wall it is impossible to pass.” “That is not sciend!” laughed the sciendologist.

「但它是這個世界的一部分，而你們聲稱知道這個世界的一切。那你怎麼解釋？」

“But it is a part of this world about which you claim to know everything there is to know. So how do you explain it?”

「非常簡單。沒有這樣的物體。」 「如果它就在那裡，你怎麼能這麼說？」

“Very simply. There is no such object.” “How can you say that if it’s right there?”

「如果我們無法解釋，那就是不可能的。如果是不可能的，我們還能得出什麼結論？」 「我不知道，什麼？」

“If we can’t explain it, it is impossible. And if it is impossible, what other conclusion can we possibly draw?” “I don’t know, what?”

「它不存在！」

“It does not exist!”

「陛下，」奶牛對布倫希爾達低聲說。「和他們談是沒用的。是時候停止電影了。」

“Your Majesty,” whispered Cow to Brunhilda. “It’s useless trying to talk to them. It’s time to stop the movie.”

潛水艇決定是時候介入了。

Submarine decided it was time she intervened.

「仔細看我！」說完這些話，她在他們面前變回原來的樣子，一艘穿著橙色靴子的黃色潛水艇。「這也不可能嗎？」

“Watch me carefully!” With these words, she transformed her appearance in front of them all appearing as before, as a yellow submarine wearing orange boots. “Is this impossible, too?”

科學學家被嚇了一跳，但很快恢復過來，繼續捍衛他的立場。

The sciendologist was taken aback but recovered himself quickly and continued defending his standpoint.

「當然！」

“Of course!”

「但我就在你面前！我不是卡通角色，我存在！」潛水艇說，用她的錨戳了科學學家一下。

“But I’m right here in front of you! I’m no cartoon character, I exist!” said Submarine giving the sciendologist a poke with her anchor.

主任完全不為所動，繼續堅持自己的觀點。

The director was completely unabashed and continued to insist on his own point of view.

「那不可能，因為根據科學，那不可能！」

“That cannot be because according to sciend, it cannot be!”

「喵！你不僅對自己的貓學一無所知，對自己也一無所知！」普西拉插話道。

“Miaow! Not only do you know nothing about your own mogology, you know nothing about yourself!” Puscilla intervened.

「我拒絕再參加這種不科學的爭論。」

“I refuse to participate any further in this unsciendific argument.”

「你們沉迷於發明新奇的小玩意，忘了自己，」普西拉繼續說。

“You got so immersed in inventing newfangled gizmos, you forgot yourself,” Puscilla continued.

「我們必須有小玩意。沒有它們我們無法應對。」令他們驚訝的是，科學學家開始以更和善的方式回答。

“We have to have gizmos. We can’t cope without them.” To their surprise, the sciendologist began answering in a more amenable manner.

「這是真的。沒有它們你們無法應對。」普西拉緊盯著科學學家，好像在催眠他。

“That’s true. You couldn’t manage without them.” Puscilla was staring intently at the sciendologist as if she were hypnotizing him.

「你需要小玩意。」 「是的，我們需要它們。」

“You need gizmos.” “Yes, we need them.”

「回答我這個問題，你知道你是誰嗎？」 「我了解自己嗎？」

“Answer me this, do you know who you are?” “Do I know myself?”

「你能說『我是我』嗎？」 「我能說……什麼？」

“Can you say, ‘I am me?” “Can I say... what?”

「我們都會輪流說『我是我』，然後你也這麼說。」

“We are all going to say, ‘I am me’ in turn and then you say the same afterwards.”

朋友們圍住科學學家，開始重複他們的咒語。不需要再問任何問題。當圈內最後一個人說完後，科學學家完全靜止不動，覆蓋上一層蠟狀物。周圍的一切都凝固了。

The friends surrounded the sciendologist and began repeating their incantation. No further questions were required. As soon as the last in the circle had spoken, the sciendologist became totally still and covered with a wax coating. Everything else around them froze.

野獸毫不猶豫地直奔科學學家的地獄機器，迅速找到控制面板上的「PES」標誌，打破玻璃並將紅色槓桿轉到底。

Without hesitating for a second, Beast rushed straight towards the sciendologists’ infernal machine, quickly located the sign “PES” on the control panel, smashed the glass and turned the red lever all the way.

「大家快跑！」女王喊道，朋友們跑去找出口。

“Everyone run!” shouted the queen and the friends ran to find the exit.

科學教徒

Sciendologists

於是，以消除那個蓋子為首要目標的『探險隊』便展開了旅程的最後一程。領隊是Eejit Green，他實際上全身都是綠色的，穿著他那件無定型的連帽衫與標誌性的太陽眼鏡，而那個他早已認為多餘的俱樂部也已拋在腦後。

And with that the ‘expedition,’ the prime objective of which was to liquidate the lid, set out on the ultimate leg of their journey. Heading the procession was Eejit Green, who was literally green, dressed in his shapeless hoodie and signature sunglasses minus the club which he had left behind having decided that it was superfluous.

第二位是Brunhilda女王，一位氣質高貴的女士，身穿一襲中世紀風格、由粗麻布製成的長裙；她的紅髮編成辮子，頭上戴著金色環狀飾品，而戰鬥用的劍則隱藏在裙擺之下。

Second was Queen Brunhilda, a regal-looking lady in a medieval-style dress made of rough linen, her red hair arranged in a plait, a golden hoop crowning her head and a battle sword hidden beneath her skirts.

排在第三位的是Orange Cow，她以全新形象出現，化身為一位令人心動的豐滿女士，擁有一頭紅髮，身穿一件橙色及膝洋裝，搭配那雙醒目的黑色鞋子。

Orange Cow went third in her new guise as an attractive-looking woman of ample proportions with red hair dressed in an orange knee-length dress and garish black shoes.

接著是Yellow Submarine，同樣換上新裝，現身時是一位輕浮的金髮女子，身著黃色連身衣和橙色靴子。

Next came Yellow Submarine also donning her new guise as a frivolous-looking blonde dressed in a yellow jumpsuit and orange boots.

然後是Puscilla，不管她到底稍偏女性還是更像貓咪，她絕對是一位驚艷的棕髮美女——一頭野性蓬亂的髮絲，搭配黑色毛皮外套與褲子、白色靴子和手套，還有一條奢華柔軟的蓬鬆尾巴以及一對貓耳，使她看起來格外出眾。

Then there was Puscilla, and whether she was mostly woman or mostly cat, she was definitely a spectacular-looking brunette with a shock of wild hair dressed in a black fur jacket and pants, white boots and gloves, a luxurious fluffy tail and a set of feline ears.

領頭的是Shaggy Beast，如今他變成了一位風度翩翩的年輕男子，擁有那雙大而略帶憂傷的眼睛和及肩的棕髮，穿著一套黑色天鵝絨西裝，點綴著大金扣，搭配一件襯有豐盈荷葉邊的雪白襯衫，但奇異地卻穿著毛茸茸的鹿皮拖鞋。

Bringing up the procession was Shaggy Beast, now a young man of pleasant appearance, big, sad-looking eyes and brown hair to his shoulders, elegantly dressed in a black velvet suit with large gold buttons and a snow-white shirt with lush frills, but strangely, shod in woolly moccasins.

不久，這支色彩繽紛的團隊出現在一座高大氣派的建築前的廣場上，該建築傲然展示著標有大寫字母的『ACODEMY OF SCIEND』。其中的字母O與D看起來特別新穎，似乎是最近才加上的。

Soon, this colorful team appeared in the square in front of a tall, grandiose building arrogantly flaunting the large-lettered inscription ‘ACODEMY OF SCIEND’. The letters O and D looked distinctly newer than the others suggesting that they had been added recently.

朋友們走進大樓後，發現自己置身於一條寬敞、擁有高聳天花板的走廊中。雖然空間廣闊，卻悶熱難耐，並散發著陳舊書本的氣息。牆邊擺放著與建築外牌匾上相似的獨立字母，拼湊成「MANAGAMENT」這個詞。破舊的拼花地板在腳下發出嘎吱聲，一座寬闊的樓梯—兩側鋪著破爛老舊的地毯—通向上層。樓梯旁擺放著一張表面磨損且龜裂不堪的桌子；而在桌子後面、正對入口處，坐著一位戴著厚厚鏡片眼鏡的蒼老老人，他穿著破爛的長袖西裝，雙手交叉放在一起，手指緊扣。

The friends entered the building and found themselves in a spacious hallway with a grand high ceiling. Despite its spaciousness, the room was stuffy and smelled of old books. Individual letters similar to those on the plaque on the outside of the building were propped up against one wall arranged to create the word ‘MANAGAMENT’. The decrepit parquet floor creaked underfoot. A wide- fronted staircase lined in a battered old carpet led up to the next floor. Beside the staircase stood a table with a worn, cracked surface. Behind the table, facing the entrance sat a wizened old man in thick-lensed glasses wearing a threadbare suit with long sleeves. He sat with his hands clasped together and his fingers interlaced.

「你們打算去哪裡？上面可不允許你們進入！」那位老人大聲喊道，甚至連詢問客人來訪目的都懶得管。

“And where do you think you are going? You’re not allowed up there!” the elderly man shouted out without even stopping to ask the guests the purpose of their visit.

Puscilla走到眾人面前，將爪子搭在桌上，微微前傾並發出低沉的咕嚕聲。

Puscilla stood in front of the others resting her paws on the table. She leaned forward and purred.

「是的，我們…我們就是這樣！」

“Yes, we ar-r-r-e!”

那位老人頓時愣住，但很快便恢復了常態。

The old man was taken aback but quickly recovered.

「你究竟是誰？這裡以後非客人區域！這可是屬於sciend的地盤！」

“And who might you be? Guests aren’t allowed beyond this point! This is a place of sciend!”

「Puscilla！」Cow低聲嘶叫道。

“Puscilla!” Cow hissed.

Eejit拉回了正試圖以豹般銳利目光催眠那位老人之Puscilla，隨後轉向老人開口道：

Eejit pulled Puscilla back, who was trying to hypnotize the old man with the gaze of a panther and addressed the man himself.

「先生，我們是奉命而來前往科學學院執行公務的，並且希望……」

“Sir, we have come to the Academy of Science on an official mission and would like...”

「我們這裡談的是sciend，而不是science！」老人邊說邊伸手朝天空指去，「聽起來是不是更為震撼？」

“We have sciend here, not science!” the old man interrupted him pointing his finger upwards. “Sounds a lot more impressive, doesn’t it?”

「當然，」Eejit邊摘下眼鏡邊回答道，「我們希望能與那些科學家會面，好好探討一下……」

“Of course,” Eejit replied removing his glasses. “We would like to meet with the scientists to discuss ...”

「而且我們不再稱自己為科學家，而是擁有更具象徵意義的稱謂——『sciendologists』！此外，我們並非屬於那個Acodemy，我們屬於Managament，看到了嗎！我們正著手更換招牌呢！」

“And we’re not called scientists anymore but something much more representative — ‘sciendologists’! And we’re not the Acodemy, we’re the Managament, see! We’re in the middle of changing the sign.”

「那請問，這到底是為了什麼目的呢？」

“And for what purpose might I ask?”

「因為我們得出結論，sciend並非用來被無休止地研究，而是該被有效地管理。」

“Because we have come to the conclusion that sciend is not to be studied but managed.”

「為什麼會這樣？你們難道已經通盤研究清楚了？」

“Why is that? Have you already studied everything?” “Precisely! We know everything there is no know about sciend.” “And how do you intend to manage it?”

「我們打算依據情勢採取行動，但必須以嚴格的sciendific方式進行，這是當然的。」

“However, we think fit but in a strictly sciendific manner, naturally.”

「非常正確，正如理應如此，」Eejit說，「既然如此，我們依然希望能會見那些科學家……也就是sciendologists……」

“Quite correct. Just as it should be,” said Eejit. “That being the case, we would still like to meet with the scientists... the sciendologists…”

「你們無法會面，他們正忙著呢。」

“You can’t. They’re busy.” “What with?”

「他們正在思索。」

“They’re thinking.” “What about?”

「思索sciend！」那位老人再次舉起手指朝上回答。

“About sciend!” the old man replied raising an upward pointing finger again.

「如果你已經知道所有該知道的東西，那還有什麼需要再去思考呢？」

“What is there to think about if you already know everything there is to know?” “We don’t just know everything. We know more than everything!”

「比一切還多？」

“More than everything?”

「是的，但對於所有存在的事物的分類以及原則化處理（prinsci-pili-ali-zation，注：原文用語）仍有許多工作要做。」

“Yes. But there is still work to be done on classi-si-fi-cation and prinsci-pili-ali- zation of whatever there is.”

「那麼，是類似於清單的東西嗎？」

“Something resembling an inventory then?”

「正是如此。對於哪些與sciend有關、哪些無關，還需進一步進行分類整理（classi-sci-fi-ying，注：原文用語），工作仍大有可為。」

“Precisely. There is still a lot of work to be done in classi-sci-fi-ying what relates to sciend and what does not.”

「那麼，區分兩者的標準又該如何定義呢？」

“And the criteria for distinguishing between the two?”

「非常簡單。凡是不易用sciendific方式解釋的事物，就不屬於sciendific範疇。我們否定所有我們無法理解之物。」

“Very simple. Anything that does not lend itself to sciendific explanation is not sciendific. We negate anything we do not understand.”

「但那些無法解釋的現象，僅僅因為尚未被解釋，就不會因此而消失，」Eejit反對道。

“But inexplicable phenomena do not cease to exist simply because they have not yet been explained,” Eejit objected.

「對了，請清空這裡！我們擁有sciend！你們帶來了什麼？」

“Right, please clear the premises! We have sciend! What have you got?”

「我們也是帶著sciend而來的！」Cow也加入對話，「我們有一個嚴格基於sciendific原則的假說，想親自向您提出。」

“We’ve come with sciend too!” Cow decided to join in the conversation. “We have a strictly sciendific hypothesis which we wish to put to you personally.”

「什麼假說？為什麼偏偏要問我？」

“What hypothesis and why me personally?”

「因為我一眼就看出您是sciend界的巨擘！」

“Because I can see straight away that you are a luminary of sciend.”

「那麼，您的這個假說究竟是什麼？」老人語氣稍軟地詢問道。

“So, what is this hypothesis of yours?” The old man asked softening a little.

「嗯，比如說，您知道sciend在古代文明中是怎麼起源的嗎？畢竟，那時既古老又未發達。」

“Well, for example, do you know where sciend originated in the ancient civilizations? After all, they were ancient and undeveloped.”

「那時根本就不存在sciend，也不可能有，」老人帶著鄙夷的微笑說，「只有我們，從來都是sciend的擁有者！」

“There was no such thing as sciend then, nor could there have been,” the old man smiled condescendingly. “We are the only ones who have ever had sciend!”

「那麼，那些遺留下來的巨石、字母、古老繪畫與文物又如何呢？」

“But what about the surviving megaliths, alphabets, ancient drawings and artifacts?”

「我再重申一次，從sciend的觀點來看，這些都無法解釋，也就是說，這一切完全屬於不sciendific的範疇。」

“I repeat, none of that can be explained from the point of view of sciend which means it’s all strictly unsciendific.”

「我完全同意你的看法！但如果你能以嚴格的sciendific方式證實我們的假說，你就能將這一切轉化為sciend！」

“I completely agree with you! But you could turn it all into sciend if you strictly sciendifically substantiate our hypothesis.”

朋友們彼此對視，滿臉疑惑，不明白Cow究竟想表達什麼。此時，Cow突然變化，興奮無比，瞬間恢復成她原來那隻橙色有翅的牛。她拍動著翅膀，一邊唱歌一邊飛上天空。

The friends glanced at each other in confusion not understanding what Cow was driving at. Meanwhile, Cow was transformed, excited and suddenly acquired her former appearance as an orange winged cow. She flapped her wings and rose up into the air singing as she went.

「從前從前，當時還不存在所謂的sciend時，牛群從大海走出來，傳授人們書寫、天文以及各種與sciend相關的知識！之後，牛群又返回大海，而人類開始研究和發展sciend，將它推向既無極限的未完美，也推向那種無限的完美狀態，由此，出現了一種現代的sciend——它完美得無限，完美得離譜得令人咋舌！」

“Once upon a time, when there was no such thing as sciend, the cows came out of the sea and taught people writing, astronomy and all sorts of other sciends! Then the cows returned to the sea, and people began studying and developing sciend, taking it to its limits with no perfection as well as to a state of perfection, which has no limits, as a result of which, a modern sciend appeared, which was perfectly limitless and outrageously perfect!”

那位sciendologist目瞪口呆，既震驚又陶醉地盯著這奇景看著。但當Cow著陸並變回一個胖女孩時，那位老人終於恢復了理智。

The sciendologist stared at the wondrous sight equally stunned and entranced. But when Cow landed and transformed back into a fat girl, the old man returned to his senses.

「我剛才看到和聽到的簡直不可能，因為那根本就不是sciend，」他說道。

“What I have just seen and heard is impossible because it’s not sciend,” he uttered.

「但你是親眼所見啊，」Eejit回應道。

“But you saw it with your own eyes,” said Eejit.

「僅僅看到是不夠的，這需要sciendific的實證，」他答道。

“It’s not enough to see it. It requires sciendific substantiation,” he replied.

「那就嚴格地以sciendific方式來證明吧，」Cow說，「這樣我們的假說就能成為一項真正的sciendific發現。」

“Substantiate it then, strictly sciendifically,” said Cow. “And our hypothesis will become a sciendific discovery.”

「是的，確實如此，如果我能做到，那它就會是sciend，」老人沉吟片刻後同意道。

“Yes, indeed, if I do it, then it will be sciend,” the old man agreed after taking a moment to think about it.

「當然！只有你能做到，別無他人！」

“Naturally! You alone, no-one else!”

「如此一來，我便立刻動身，開始撰寫我的論文。」老人忙亂之中原本急著離開，但突然猶豫，轉身回來。

“In that case, I will go this instant and start writing my dissertation.” The old man fussed and was about to rush off when he suddenly hesitated and turned back.

「但你仍然不得進入這裡，這裡充滿了sciend！」

“But you’re still not allowed in here. There’s sciend here!” “Excuse me, but with whom do we have the honor?” asked Eejit. “I am the sciend desk clerk!”

「我們也與sciend息息相關。我們代表一個監督委員會委員會，奉公出訪而來。」

“We too are directly related to sciend. We represent a supervisory board commission and have come on an official visit.”

「我們自己的委員會和委員團已經多得綽綽有餘。但如果我們還需要新的，我們就自己創建；我們根本不需要依賴他人的委員會。」

“We have more than enough of our own commissions and committees. But if we require another one, we’ll create it ourselves. We don’t need anyone else’s.”

「我們是特別獲授權的人，擁有撤銷相關以及其他官員權力的特殊權能，從而解除你作為sciend櫃檯職員所擁有的權力。你可以儘管離開，投身於那無底的sciendific知識深淵中。看到了嗎？瞧瞧！」

“We are especially authorized persons, endowed with special powers to withdraw the powers of relevant and other officials, and we thereby relieve you of the powers of sciend desk clerk. You are free to go and immerse yourself in the abyss of sciendific knowledge. See? Look!”

「Eejit將文件遞給老人認真檢視，老人仔細研讀後，終於不情願地同意了。」

Eejit held out the document for the old man to see and having studied it attentively, the old man reluctantly agreed.

「我已經好久沒潛入那無盡深淵了。」

“I have not plunged into the abyss for a long time.”

「好吧，你現在可以潛入其中；但在此之前，請帶我們見見你那位首席sciendologist。」

“Well, you can plunge now but before you do, take us to your top sciendologist.”

「首席sciendologist目前正忙得不可開交，他正在進行一項極其重大的sciend實驗。」

“The top sciendologist is busy at the moment. He’s carrying out a very weighty sciend experiment.”

「太好了，我們就來旁觀觀察吧。」

“Wonderful. We will observe.”

「嗯，前提是……你得全權負責。」那位老人終於停止猶豫，帶領整個團隊上樓。

“Well, if ... you take full responsibility.” The old man finally stopped deliberating and led the whole company upstairs.

「他們走進一間實驗室，正是Caramilla描述中安置電報機的房間。一位操作員正坐在控制臺前不時按下按鈕，顯示這臺電器裝置正活躍運轉。此外，明顯在為某項極其重要的計劃作準備，到處都有穿著白大褂和閃亮工作服的人忙碌奔走。朋友們攀上玻璃掩體，加入由那位總監sciendologist領導的作業團隊，他負責整個運作以及協助其他幾位sciendologists。」

They entered a laboratory which they recognized from Caramilla’s description as the room in which the electric telegraph was stationed. An operator was sitting at the controls pressing buttons from time to time from which one could assume that the electrical contraption was actively functioning. In addition, preparations were clearly underway for something extremely important, since everywhere people in white coats and shiny overalls were scurrying this way and that. The friends climbed up into the glass bunker to join the director sciendologist, who was in charge of the whole operation as well as a few other sciendologists.

「『你究竟是誰？你不允許進入這裡！這裡是sciend的領地！』」主席大聲吶喊。

“And who might you be? You aren’t allowed in here. This is sciend!” shouted the chairman.

「『我們是來自監督委員會的委員團，』」Eejit邊揮舞著手中的文件邊說，「『我們獲授權既能旁觀也能參與!』」

“We are a commission from the Supervisory Board,” said Eejit, waving his piece of paper. “We are authorized to observe and attend, as well as to attend and observe.”

「『那就旁觀吧，但別妨礙程序進行。這可是關鍵時刻。』」

“Well, observe then. But don’t get in the way of proceedings. This is a crucial moment.”

「主席顯得全神貫注於眼前的作業，既無暇也無心於爭吵。」

The chairman appeared to be so focused on the activity at hand, he had neither time nor inclination to stand and bicker.

「『好，請大家注意！各就各位！』」總監對著麥克風大聲喊道，「『發明實驗即將開始！』」

“Right. Attention please! Everyone in their places!” the director shouted into the microphone. “The invention experiment is starting!”

「身穿長袍和工作服的人們比以往更加忙亂嘈雜。」

The people in gowns and overalls fussed more than ever.

「準備好了！」主席繼續下達命令，「總覽……調控……控制！」

“Get ready!” The chairman continued to give the orders. “Overview... maneuvering... control!”

實驗室內的人們開始更加迅速地奔走，最終平靜下來，各就各位，坐在控制臺與監視器前。

The people in the laboratory started running about even faster but finally, they calmed down and took their places at the controls and monitors.

一位操作員報告道：「所有裝置均已設置就緒，準備控制！」

“All devices set for control!” reported one of the operators.

下一道命令隨之響起：「為實驗置放特別標本！」一扇門隨之打開，一名穿著白色防輻射服的男子走進實驗室。

“Placing special specimen for experiment!” The next command came. A door opened and a man in a white, anti-radiation suit entered the laboratory.

這人還穿著令人印象深刻的靴子、手套，以及帶有小玻璃窗作為眼孔的頭盔。他伸出手臂，緊握住一隻老鼠的尾尖。

The figure was also wearing impressive-looking boots, gloves and a helmet with a small, glass window as an eye hole. He was carrying a rat which he gripped by the tip of its tail, his arm fully outstretched,

主席下令：「請插入篩檢容器！」

“Insert screening container!” the chairman ordered.

第二扇門打開，另一名穿著相同樣式防護服的男子手持一個平底鍋進入房間，同樣地，他也伸開雙臂。

A second door opened and another man in the same type of suit entered the room holding a saucepan, likewise, his arms outstretched.

接著命令道：「請插入防安全蓋！」

“Insert anti-safety lid!”

第三扇門打開後，第三位參與者現身，手中拿著平底鍋的蓋子。

A third door opened, and a third participant appeared holding the lid to the saucepan.

「注意！正在進行蓋子模型製作！」

“Attention! Lid modelling in process!”

這三位太空人互相轉身對視，隨後以極為協調的動作，將老鼠放入平底鍋中，並蓋上了蓋子。

All three cosmonauts turned to face one another and with an efficiently coordinated set of actions placed the rat in the pan and covered it with the lid.

下一道命令響起：「準備天然原型！」

“Prepare prototype of nature!” sounded the next command.

這時，我們的朋友們才注意到房間中央一個放置在底座上的微波爐。三位太空人走向該底座：一人打開微波爐門，一人將裝有老鼠的平底鍋放入其中，另一人則關上了門。

Only now did our friends notice a microwave arranged on a pedestal at the center of the room. The three astronauts approached the pedestal. One opened the microwave door, the second inserted the saucepan containing the rat and the third closed the door.

「啟動天然原型衝擊！」

“Enrage prototype of nature!”

一名太空人插上微波爐電源，另一人設定時間，第三人伸出手指準備按下「開始」鍵。

One of the astronauts plugged in the microwave, the second set the time and the third extended his finger ready to press the Start button.

「好，誤算開始！」主席莊嚴地宣布。

“Right, beginning miscalculation!” the chairman proclaimed solemnly.

在場的每個人都明顯變得緊張起來，目不轉睛地盯著那些清楚顯示實驗過程的監視器。

All those present in the room noticeably tensed staring at their monitors which evidently showed the course of the experiment.

「你的鍋子就快爆炸了！」Puscilla說道，頓時打破了肅穆的氣氛。

“Your cocotte is about to explode,” said Puscilla disturbing the solemnity of the moment.

「嘘——」sciendologists低聲嘶叫。

“Sh-h-h!” the sciendologists hissed.

總監喊道：「聽我的命令！」，臨近倒計時時宣布道：「九，八，七，六，五，四，三，二，一，零……發射！」

“On my command!” shouted the director about to begin the countdown. “Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, zero ... Lift off!”

一位太空人啟動了微波爐，隨後三人靜靜地圍在它旁邊，屏息以待。微波爐開始嗡嗡作響、閃爍不定，接著冒出濃煙，最終爆炸，碎片散落成百。大廳內的人們本能地低頭閃避，但無人受傷。令人驚奇的是，平底鍋和那隻老鼠依然安然無恙地停留在原處。

One of the astronauts started the microwave and then all three stood around it motionless in anticipation. The microwave buzzed, sparkled, then smoked and finally exploded shattering into hundreds of pieces. All those present in the hall ducked instinctively but no one was hurt. Surprisingly, the saucepan and the rat remained untouched in its original place.

短暫停頓後，總監下令：「確認 sciend！」

“Confirm sciend!” ordered the director after a short pause.

太空人們走向底座，一人取下平底鍋的蓋子，另一人則小心翼翼地將老鼠捧出，結果發現它依舊活蹦亂跳。

The astronauts approached the pedestal. One removed the lid from the saucepan, and another took out the rat, which turned out to be alive and well.

總監宣佈：「sciend已戰勝自然！恭喜各位，實驗大獲成功！」，隨即響起熱烈的掌聲。

“Sciend has defeated nature! Congratulations to all on a successful experiment!” proclaimed the director. Vigorous applause followed.

總監繼續說道：「這項發明實驗證明，我們的蓋子不僅無害，還具備防安全功能！而如今，這一點已經得到了嚴格的 sciendific 證實！」

“The invention experiment has shown that our lid is not only harmless, but also anti-safety! And now it is strictly sciendifically proved!”

Eejit接過話筒說：「我們代表監督委員會，向大家祝賀實驗成功，並且——若各位允許，請讓我代表上述委員會宣布，此次 sciend 實驗已成功達到其擺(Pendulum)的成果。」

“And we, on behalf of the supervisory board, congratulate you on your successful experiment,” said Eejit taking the floor. “And now, if you will, permit me to declare, on behalf of the aforementioned board the successful pend of the sciend experiment.”

總監困惑地問道：「『你說的擺(Pendulum)是什麼意思？』」

“What do you mean, the pend?” asked the director perplexed.

「就是這樣。我們宣告其成功的擺(Pendulum)，並藉此宣布 sciend 實驗結束。你們可以關掉電報機了。」

“Just that. We declare its successful pend and with that hereby close the sciend experiment. You may turn off the electric telegraph.”

「可是最高監督委員會可是下達了命令……」有人喊道。

“But the Supreme Supervisory Board ordered...”

「那是最高監督委員會，我們才是超然者。」「但我們這裡擁有 sciend！」

“That was the Supreme board. We are the Supereminent.” “But we have sciend here!”

「而且我們擁有權威的力量，」Eejit說著，一邊將手中的文件在那位sciendologist鼻子下搖晃。

“And we have the authoritative powers,” said Eejit shaking his piece of paper under the sciendologist’s nose.

那位sciendologist猶豫片刻，隨後語氣堅定地開口。

The sciendologist hesitated but then spoke resolutely.

「不，我們不能停止這個實驗，畢竟這就是 sciend！」

“No, we cannot stop the experiment. This is sciend after all!”

「何不學著與自然和諧共處，而不是試圖左右它？」女王插話道。

“Why don’t you learn to live in harmony with nature instead of trying to influence it?” asked the queen joining in the conversation.

「你是什麼意思？我完全不懂你在說些什麼。」

“What do you mean? I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

「這是你們的世界，是你們的家園。何必大費周章地對它動手？為何要去玩弄、翻弄、攪變，甚至重建它？」

“This is your world, your home. Why should you have to do anything to it? Why all this effort to toy with it, rake it over, stir, change and rebuild?”

「你問為什麼？當然是為了征服自然，達到對自然界最終的勝利！」

“What do you mean, why? To conquer nature, of course, to bring about the final victory over the natural world!”

「但為何征服自然會如此重要？你們何不與這個世界和諧共存？」

“But why is it so important to conquer nature? Why can’t you just live in harmony with the world?”

「因為我們比自然更聰明，我們更富有創造力！」

“Because we are smarter than nature. We are more inventive!”

「而你卻認為自己對自然及這世界的運行了解得無所不知？」Brunhilda堅持發問，雖然Eejit已朝她揮手並準備啟動B計劃。

“And you think you know everything there is to know about nature and how this world is ordered?” Brunhilda asked refusing to let up although Eejit was already waving at her and preparing for plan B.

「當然！我們已經知道關於 sciend 的一切奧秘！」

“Of course! We already know everything there is to know about sciend!”

「那麼，你們的 sciend 對於城外那個鏡面般的物體又有何見解？」

“And what does your sciend have to say about the mirror-like object beyond the city?”

「什麼物體？」

“What object?”

「那是一道無法逾越的隱形牆。」

“The invisible wall it is impossible to pass.” “That is not sciend!” laughed the sciendologist.

「但那卻是屬於這個你們聲稱瞭如指掌的世界一部分，你們又該如何解釋呢？」

“But it is a part of this world about which you claim to know everything there is to know. So how do you explain it?”

「非常簡單，根本就不存在那樣的物體！」

“Very simply. There is no such object.” “How can you say that if it’s right there?”

「如果我們無法解釋，那它就不可能存在；既然如此，我們還能推導出怎樣的結論呢？」

“If we can’t explain it, it is impossible. And if it is impossible, what other conclusion can we possibly draw?” “I don’t know, what?”

「它不存在！」

“It does not exist!”

「陛下，」Cow低聲對Brunhilda耳語道，「跟他們爭論沒用，該把電影停止了。」

“Your Majesty,” whispered Cow to Brunhilda. “It’s useless trying to talk to them. It’s time to stop the movie.”

Submarine認為時機已到，決定出手干預。

Submarine decided it was time she intervened.

「仔細看著我！」她說著，當眾人目光聚焦時，她立刻變換外形，再次化身為那隻穿著橙色靴子的黃色潛艇。「這也不可能嗎？」

“Watch me carefully!” With these words, she transformed her appearance in front of them all appearing as before, as a yellow submarine wearing orange boots. “Is this impossible, too?”

那位sciendologist頓時愣住，但很快振作起來，繼續捍衛自己的立場。

The sciendologist was taken aback but recovered himself quickly and continued defending his standpoint.

「當然！」

“Of course!”

「但我就站在你面前！我可不是漫畫角色，我是真實存在的！」Submarine說著，一邊用她的錨戳了那位sciendologist一下。

“But I’m right here in front of you! I’m no cartoon character, I exist!” said Submarine giving the sciendologist a poke with her anchor.

總監毫不避諱，繼續堅持他的觀點。

The director was completely unabashed and continued to insist on his own point of view.

「那不可能，因為根據 sciend 的理論，它就不可能存在！」

“That cannot be because according to sciend, it cannot be!”

「喵！你不僅對你自己的mogology毫無概念，連你自己也一無所知！」Puscilla插話打斷。

“Miaow! Not only do you know nothing about your own mogology, you know nothing about yourself!” Puscilla intervened.

「我拒絕再參與這場不sciendific的爭論了。」

“I refuse to participate any further in this unsciendific argument.”

「你們沉迷於發明那些新奇玩意兒，竟連自己都忘了，」Puscilla繼續道。

“You got so immersed in inventing newfangled gizmos, you forgot yourself,” Puscilla continued.

「我們必須有那些玩意兒，沒有它們我們根本無法應付！」令眾人驚訝的是，那位sciendologist開始以更親切的語氣回應起來。

“We have to have gizmos. We can’t cope without them.” To their surprise, the sciendologist began answering in a more amenable manner.

「那倒是真的，沒有那些玩意兒你根本撐不下去！」Puscilla目光銳利地盯著那位sciendologist，彷彿正用催眠術對付他。

“That’s true. You couldn’t manage without them.” Puscilla was staring intently at the sciendologist as if she were hypnotizing him.

「你需要玩意兒。」

“You need gizmos.” “Yes, we need them.”

「回答我，你知道你究竟是誰嗎？」

“Answer me this, do you know who you are?” “Do I know myself?”

「你能說『我是我』嗎？」

“Can you say, ‘I am me?” “Can I say... what?”

「我們都輪流說『我是我』，然後你也跟著說。」

“We are all going to say, ‘I am me’ in turn and then you say the same afterwards.”

眾友圍住那位sciendologist，開始齊聲念誦他們的咒語，不再需要任何進一步的疑問。當圈中最後一人發言完畢之時，那位sciendologist頓時全身凝固，身上覆滿了一層蠟狀覆膜，而他周遭的一切也都隨之凍結。

The friends surrounded the sciendologist and began repeating their incantation. No further questions were required. As soon as the last in the circle had spoken, the sciendologist became totally still and covered with a wax coating. Everything else around them froze.

Beast毫不猶豫地衝向那幢sciendologists的詭異機器，迅速在控制面板上找到了標示「PES」的指示牌，砸碎了玻璃，並使紅色槓桿徹底拉下。

Without hesitating for a second, Beast rushed straight towards the sciendologists’ infernal machine, quickly located the sign “PES” on the control panel, smashed the glass and turned the red lever all the way.

女王大喊：「大家快跑！」，眾友趕緊尋找出口。

“Everyone run!” shouted the queen and the friends ran to find the exit.