我就是我

I Am Me

當女神和女祭司走到外面時，迎接她們的是這樣的場景：篝火和鐵板已經被移走。顯然是出於謹慎考慮。現在他們都安靜地躺在地上排成一排，彷彿在等待什麼。

When the diva and the priestess went outside, they were met with the following scene: the bonfire and the griddle had been removed. Obviously, for the sake of prudence. Now they were all lying quietly on the ground in a row, as if waiting for something.

「好吧！」瑪蒂爾達雙手叉腰說。「好吧！」伊特夫特也這樣做。

“Right!” said Matilda putting her hands on her hips. “Right!” said Itfut doing the same.

她們沿著身體的行列走過，帶著諷刺和驚訝的神情看著這一景象。

They walked along the row of bodies taking in the spectacle with a look of irony and surprise.

「你們都躺著幹什麼？」瑪蒂爾達問。「親愛的，你們為什麼躺著？」伊特夫特問。

“What are you all lying down for?” asked Matilda. “Why are you lying down, dear ones?” asked Itfut.

華麗搖滾人偶靜靜地躺著，用沉默的目光跟隨著她們的女主人。最終，其中一個坐起來，直言不諱地說，

The glamrocks lay still, following their mistresses with a silent gaze. Eventually, one of them sat up and speaking bluntly, said,

「瑪娜法塔，給我們一個吻！」

“Mana-fata, give us a kiss!”

「給我們一個吻！」其他人重複道。「瑪娜法塔！瑪娜法塔！」 「哈哈哈！好的，馬上！」伊特夫特用愉快的聲音說。

“Give us a kiss!” the others repeated. “Mana-fata! Mana-fata!” “Ha, ha, ha! Yes, right away!” said Itfut in a cheery voice.

「原來你們想要這個！」瑪蒂爾達失望地說。

“So that’s what you want!” said Matilda disappointed.

華麗搖滾人偶不放棄。他們站起來，四肢著地爬向女祭司。前排的人試圖抓住她的裙子。「瑪娜法塔！給我們一個吻！瑪娜法塔！」

The glamrocks weren’t giving up. They got up and crawled towards the priestess on all fours. Those in the front rows tried to grab hold of her dress. “Mana-fata! Give us a kiss! Mana-fata!”

伊特夫特躲開他們的抓握，向後退了一步。「你們真壞！」她笑著說。

Itfut dodged their grip and took a step backwards. “You’re bad!” she said laughing.

「瑪娜法塔！

“Mana-fata!

「你們不配！」

“You are not worthy!”

但這個責備並沒有打擾華麗搖滾人偶；他們站起來，擁在女祭司身後，喃喃不斷地吟唱。

But this reproach did not bother the glamrocks; they stood up and thronged behind the priestess droning their continual chant.

「瑪娜法塔！給我們一個吻！」

“Mana-fata! Give us a kiss!”

伊特夫特笑著跑開。「哈哈哈，不，你們可以不用了！」

Itfut ran away from them laughing. “Ha-ha-ha, no, you can go without!”

就這樣，奇怪的隊伍繞著巨石陣轉圈。瑪蒂爾達憤怒地看著這一行動。

In this manner, the strange procession circled the megalith. Matilda stood watching the action with indignation.

「好吧，你看看！真是厚顏無恥！他們一點也不怕我們了！」

“Well, would you just look! What a cheek! They’re not the least bit afraid of us anymore!”

「停下！」伊特夫特停下來喘口氣，狡黠地看著她的朋友。「也許瑪娜蒂達會吻你？」

“Stop!” Ifut paused to catch her breath and turned to her friend with a cunning look. “Perhaps Mana-tida will kiss you?”

「什麼？！」女神驚訝地說。「芙蒂！」

“What?!”said the diva, stunned. “Futi!”

華麗搖滾人偶迅速將注意力轉向第二位瑪娜。「瑪娜蒂達！吻！」

The glamrocks quickly shifted their attention to the second mana. “Мana-tidа! Kiss!”

現在輪到瑪蒂爾達從華麗搖滾人偶那裡逃跑了。伊特夫特笑著拍手，看著隊伍再次繞圈。

Now it was Matilda’s turn to run away from the glamrocks. Itfut laughed and clapped her hands watching the procession making the same circle again.

「立刻停下！」瑪蒂爾達喊道。「別煩我！」 「瑪娜蒂達！」華麗搖滾人偶堅持不懈。

“Stop that right now!” Matilda shouted. “Leave me alone!” “Мana-tida!” The glamrocks persisted.

最後，當瑪蒂爾達對這場遊戲感到厭倦時，她轉身面對她的追逐者，雙臂張開說，「好吧，停下來，你們所有人！」

Finally, once Matilda had tired of the game, she turned to face her persecutors and threw her arms out to the sides, saying, “Right, stop this, all of you!”

「無用的華麗搖滾人偶！」伊特夫特加入她說。

“Useless glamrocks!”said Itfut joining her.

華麗搖滾人偶期待地凍住了。女神和女祭司站在他們面前，雙手叉腰。

The glamrocks froze in expectation. The diva and the priestess stood before them with their hands on their hips.

「你們忘了可怕的懲罰嗎？」瑪蒂爾達問。「為什麼你們清理了火？」瑪蒂爾達問。

“Have you forgotten about the terrible punishment?” asked Matilda. “Why did you clear away the fire?” asked Matilda.

「現在我們又要吃掉你們了！」 「是的，是的，是的，我們會的，我們會的！」

“Now we’re going to have to eat you again!” “Yes, yes, yes, we will, we will!”

「他們不會！他們不會！」華麗搖滾人偶自信地喃喃道。「不會？為什麼？為什麼不？」瑪蒂爾達驚訝地問。

“They won’t! They won’t!” the glamrocks mumbled confidently. “No? Why? Why not?” asked Matilda in surprise.

「瑪娜是善良的，」華麗搖滾人偶回答。

“Manas are kind,” replied the glamrocks.

「那不是真的，」伊特夫特反駁他們。「來吧。告訴我們鐵板在哪裡。你們把它怎麼了？」

“That’s not true,” Itfut contradicted them. “Come on. Tell us where the griddle is. What have you done with it?”

「既然你們表現這麼差，我們就不得不吃掉你們所有人。」瑪蒂爾達說。

“Since you are behaving so badly, we are going to have to eat you all.” said Matilda.

「是的，沒有其他選擇，」伊特夫特確認。

“Yup, no other option,” Itfut confirmed.

「不！不！」華麗搖滾人偶喊道。

“No! No!” shouted the glamrocks.

「那就乖乖的，」瑪蒂爾達說。「你們必須做什麼？」 「讀胡言亂語！」

“Then behave yourselves,” said Matilda. “What must you do?” “Read gibberish!”

「好吧，現在我們要學習一種新的胡言亂語。」

“Well, now we’re going to learn a new kind of gibberish.”

「瑪娜蒂達-珍卡！瑪娜蒂達-珍卡！」華麗搖滾人偶興奮地喊道。「我們被邀請跳舞了！」

“Mana-tida-jenka! Mana-tida-jenka!” the glamrocks shouted livening up. “We are being invited to dance!”

「不，letkajenkha是為了娛樂。這種新的胡言亂語是教育性的。這更大，更好！聽好了。」

“No, letkajenkha was for entertainment. This new gibberish is educational. That’s bigger, that’s better! Listen up.”

女神擺出戲劇性的姿勢，舉起雙臂，開始吟誦以下詩句：

The diva assumed a theatrical pose, raised her arms and began to recite the following lines:

「願陽光永遠存在！」

“May there always be sunshine!”

在她能繼續之前，一個閃耀的太陽圓盤出現在他們上方的天空。正如我們之前提到的，超現實中的天空有光但沒有太陽。而現在，讓所有人驚訝的是，包括女神和女祭司，一切都如應該的那樣。

Before she could continue, a shining solar disk appeared in the sky above them. The sky in meta-reality, as we mentioned before, had light but no sun. And now to everyone’s amazement, including the diva and the priestess, everything was as it should be.

「蒂莉，你真是充滿驚喜。」伊特夫特低聲說。「那又是你的蝴蝶結嗎？」 「芙蒂，我和你一樣驚訝！」瑪蒂爾達也低聲回應。

“Tili, you’re full of surprises.” Itfut whispered. “Was that your bow again?” “Futi, I’m just as surprised as you are!” Matilda whispered back.

「我們必須小心使用觸發槓桿和我們的期望。」 「我記得。或者說，我忘了。這純粹是意外。」

“We have to be careful here with the trigger-lever and our expectations.” “I remember. Or rather, I forgot. It was purely accidental.”

「好吧，好吧，也許這是最好的結果。但要小心。」

“Okay, okay, maybe it’s for the best. But be careful.”

華麗搖滾人偶用熱情的驚呼迎接這個奇蹟。

The glamrocks greeted the miracle with enthusiastic exclamations.

「阿巴！阿巴！」然後齊聲說，「瑪娜蒂達！偉大的瑪娜！」

“Aba! Aba!” And then in one voice, “Маna-tida! Mana the great!”

「停下！站起來！」瑪蒂爾達命令道。「其實不，坐下。大家都坐下。」

“Stop that! Stand up!” Matilda commanded. “Actually no,sit down. Sit down everyone.”

女神和女祭司坐在一塊大石頭上，華麗搖滾人偶在周圍地上排成半圓形。

The diva and the priestess sat down on a large boulder and the glamrocks arranged themselves in a semicircle on the ground around it.

「我們都是偉大的瑪娜。」瑪蒂爾達說。「你們必須服從我們。」 「是的！是的！我們會服從！」

“We are both great manas.” said Matilda. “And you must obey us.” “Yes! Yes! We will obey!”

「但你們也可以成為瑪娜。」

“But you can be manas too.”

「怎麼可能？怎麼可能？」華麗搖滾人偶驚訝地重複道。「我們，偉大的瑪娜，會教你們。」

“How can that be? How can that be?” The glamrocks repeated in surprise. “We, the great manas will teach you.”

「是的，你們會成為瑪娜，並能夠互相親吻，」伊特夫特說。「我們真的可以嗎？我們真的可以嗎？」

“Yes, you will become manas and be able to kiss each other,” said Itfut. “Can we really? Can we really?”

「是的，是的，」瑪蒂爾達說。「我不是教過你們讀信嗎？」 「是的，是的！我們讀了信！」

“Yes, yes” said Matilda. “Didn’t I teach you to read the letter?” “Yes, yes! We read the letter!”

「那麼聽新的胡言亂語。」這次，瑪蒂爾達坐著，沒有揮動雙手，說出了以下內容。

“Then listen to the new gibberish.” This time, sitting and without waving her hands about, Matilda spoke the following.

「願陽光永遠存在！願藍天永遠存在，願媽媽永遠存在，願我永遠是我。」¹

“May there always be sunshine! May there always be blue skies, May there always be mama, May I always be me.”¹

「願瑪娜永遠存在！願瑪娜永遠存在！」華麗搖滾人偶重複道。

“May there always be mana! May there always be mana!” the glamrocks repeated.

「不是瑪娜，是『媽媽』，」瑪蒂爾達糾正他們。「現在從頭到尾重複這段胡言亂語。」

“Not mana, ‘mama’,” Matilda corrected them. “Now repeat the gibberish from the beginning to the end.”

華麗搖滾人偶努力嘗試重現這些詞。他們合唱時成功了，但音調不準。

The glamrocks tried diligently to reproduce the words. They managed it in chorus but out of tune.

「願陽光永遠存在！願藍天永遠存在，願瑪娜永遠存在，願我永遠存在。」

“May there always be sunshine! May there always be blue skies, May there always be mana, May there always be Me.”

「笨蛋！你們有媽媽，對吧？應該是『願我永遠是我』，而不是『願我永遠存在』。再試一次。」

“Idiots! You do have a mama, right? It should be, ‘May I always be me’, not ‘May there always be me.’ Try it again.”

華麗搖滾人偶固執地用自己的方式重複了這首韻文。

The glamrocks stubbornly repeated the rhyme in their own style.

「好吧，如果你們這麼喜歡瑪娜，那就讓它是瑪娜吧，」瑪蒂爾達說。「但你們必須說，『願我永遠是我』。這是最重要的部分。」

“Okay, let it be mana if you like it so much,” said Matilda. “But you have to say, ‘May I always be me.’ That’s the most important bit.”

華麗搖滾人偶感到困惑。他們彼此商量了一下，然後其中一個走上前問，「誰是『我』？他在哪裡？瑪娜能告訴我們嗎？」

The glamrocks were confused. They conferred a little between themselves after which one of them came forward and asked, “Who is ‘Me’? Where is he? Can manas show us?”

「好吧，」瑪蒂爾達說。「過來。告訴我，你是誰？」

“Right,” said Matilda. “Come here. Tell me, who are you?”

「我們是華麗搖滾人偶，」走上前的那個說。「我們讀胡言亂語。我們讀了信！阿巴！」

“We are glamrocks,” the one who had come forward said. “We read gibberish. And we read the letter! Aba!”

「他們是華麗搖滾人偶，」瑪蒂爾達指著其他人說。「而你們合在一起，就是華麗搖滾人偶。但你是誰？」

“They are glamrocks,” said Matilda pointing to the others. “And altogether, you are glamrocks. But who are you?”

「我們是華麗搖滾人偶……」模型人偶和其他人一樣困惑地重複道。

“We are glamrocks...” The mannequin repeated just as puzzled as the others.

「蒂莉，他們不明白。他們沒有自己的『自我』，」伊特夫特說。「而且他們也沒有媽媽。他們是人類的模型人偶。」

“Tili, they don’t understand. They don’t have their own ‘Self’,” said Itfut. “And they don’t have a mama either. They’re mannequins, models of human beings.”

「好吧。看我怎麼問她。」瑪蒂爾達轉向女祭司。「你是誰？」

“Okay. Watch how I ask her.” Matilda turned to face the priestess. “Who are you?”

「我是瑪娜法塔。」伊特夫特回答。「現在你問我。」

“I’m Mana-fata.” replied Itfut. “Now you ask me.”

「你是誰？」伊特夫特問。

“Who are you?” asked Itfut.

「我是瑪娜蒂達。你明白嗎？」瑪蒂爾達現在對華麗搖滾人偶說。「是的！是的！」華麗搖滾人偶齊聲回答。「你們是瑪娜！」

“I’m Mana-tida. You understand?” said Matilda addressing the glamrocks now. “Yes! Yes!” answered the glamrocks in unison. “You are manas!”

「現在我要問你。」瑪蒂爾達轉向再次站出來的模型人偶。「你是誰？」

“Now I’m going to ask you.” Matilda turned to face the mannequin who had stood forward again. “Who are you?”

「我們是華麗搖滾人偶！」他回答。

“We are glamrocks!” he answered.

「這沒希望了，蒂莉。」伊特夫特說。

“This is hopeless, Tili.” said Itfut.

「不。我不會就這樣放棄！」瑪蒂爾達想了一會兒。「讓我們帶他們去鏡子那裡。讓他們看看自己。我們可以同時問問他們對此有什麼了解。」

“No. I’m not giving up just like that!” Matilda thought for a minute. “Let’s take them to the mirror. Let them look at themselves. We can ask them what they know about it at the same time.”

「是的，當然，讓我們去。我很好奇。」

“Yes, of course, let’s. I’m curious.”

「聽著！」瑪蒂爾達對華麗搖滾人偶說。「我們現在要去鏡子那裡。你們以前去過嗎？你們知道那是什麼嗎？」

“Listen!” said Matilda addressing the glamrocks. “We are going to the mirror now. Have you ever been there before? Do you know what it is?”

「我們不知道什麼鏡子，」華麗搖滾人偶回答。「那是什麼？」

“We don’t know any mirror,” answered the glamrocks. “What is it?”

「鏡子。那裡有海和棕櫚樹。就在那裡！」瑪蒂爾達指向她和伊特夫特曾試圖穿透隱形牆的方向。

“The mirror. There’s sea and palm trees. Over there!” Matilda pointed in the direction of the spot where she and Itfut had tried to penetrate the invisible wall.

「世界的邊緣！世界的邊緣！」野蠻人驚慌地喊道。「不允許去那裡！不允許！阿布！」

“The edge of the world! The edge of the world!” the savages cried in alarm. “Not allowed to go there! Not allowed! Aboo!”

「不過和我們一起去可以。」瑪蒂爾達安慰他們。「我們是偉大的瑪娜。我們會帶你們去那裡。」

“You can with us, though.” Matilda reassured them. “We are the great manas. We will take you there.”

華麗搖滾人偶猶豫不決地從一隻腳換到另一隻腳。他們很難克服他們的『阿布』。

The glamrocks shifted indecisively from one foot to another. It wasn’t easy for them to overcome their ‘aboo’.

「你們想成為瑪娜，對吧？」伊特夫特問。「是的，是的，我們想！」

“You want to become manas, don’t you?” Itfut asked. “Yes, yes, we do!”

「那你們必須來。」

“Then you must come.”

「你們必須，你們必須！」瑪蒂爾達以她權威的方式強調道。「你們會成為瑪娜，你們會滿足。不，你們不僅會滿足，你們會很棒！這更大，更好。阿巴！」

“You must, you must!” Matilda emphasized in her authoritative manner. “You’ll become manas, and you’ll be full. No, you won’t simply be full, you’ll be wonderful! That’s bigger, that’s better. Aba!”

「阿巴！」華麗搖滾人偶受到啟發地喊道。

“Aba!” the glamrocks shouted, inspired.

達成協議後，整個隊伍朝著我們在沒有其他定義的情況下稱為鏡子的超物體方向出發。在路上，女神和女祭司趁機商量。

The agreement was reached, and the entire procession set off in the direction of the meta-object which we, in the absence of any other definition, had called a mirror. Along the way, the diva and the priestess took the opportunity to confer.

「蒂莉，有什麼想法嗎？你打算怎麼做？」伊特夫特問。

“Tili, any ideas? What do you plan to do?” asked Itfut.

「我們會讓他們站在鏡子前，讓他們看看自己，」瑪蒂爾達回答。

“We’ll stand them in front of the mirror, let them look at themselves,” answered Matilda.

「不過，那可能行不通。看到鏡子裡的自己和發現內在的『自我』不是一回事。」

“That might not work, though. Seeing yourself in a mirror isn’t the same thing as discovering a sense of inner ‘Self’.”

「你是什麼意思？」

“What do you mean?”

「我們之前談過這個，電影角色和觀察者，記得嗎？」 「啊！是的，華麗搖滾人偶是純粹的角色。」

“We talked about it before, the movie characters and the observers, remember?” “Ah! Yes, the glamrocks are pure characters.”

「沒錯，他們沒有自己的『自我』。或者相反，他們沒有自己的『自我』，這就是為什麼他們是角色。」

“Exactly, they don’t have their own ‘Self’. Or the opposite may be true: they don’t have their own ‘Self’ which is why they are characters.”

「但『自我』是什麼？我的意思是，我可以說我是我，我是我自己，但那個『自我』到底是什麼？」

“What is the Self, though? I mean, I can say that I am me, I am myself, but what is that ‘Self’ exactly?”

「這只是你的意識，你的注意力。」 「我不明白。」

“It’s simply your awareness, your attention.” “I don’t get it.”

「華麗搖滾人偶沒有自己的『自我』，因為他們的注意力完全沉浸在他們所屬的電影中。作為角色，他們缺乏有意識的覺察。在某種程度上，當我們做夢時，我們也會成為這種角色。就像我們在霧中或譫妄中，因為完全沉浸在夢中而不知『自我』。然而，一旦我們記得『自我』，也就是說，一旦我們控制了我們的注意力所在，我們就在夢中醒來，或者從睡眠中醒來。」

“The glamrocks don’t have their own ‘Self’ because their attention is totally immersed in the movie, they’re a part of. As characters, they lack conscious awareness. In a way, we become this kind of character when we dream. It’s as if we are in a fog or a delirium, unaware of the ‘Self’ because we are fully immersed in the dream. And yet the moment we remember ‘Self’, that is, the moment we take control of where we are placing our attention, we wake up in the dream, or we wake from sleep.”

「芙蒂-芙蒂！女祭司-女祭司！」瑪蒂爾達驚呼。「看來你的記憶完全恢復了？」

“Tufti-Tufti! Priestess-priestess!” exclaimed Matilda. “Looks like your memory is completely restored?”

「噓，伊莉特，還不完全，但有時我會記得老師教我的東西。」

“Shush, Ilit, not quite, not yet but there are times when I remember the things my Teacher taught me.”

「你又在用最不尋常的方式談論簡單的事情！我以前從未這樣想過。所以，這意味著我就是我的注意力？

“You’re talking about simple things in the most extraordinary manner again! I never thought of it all like that before. So, that means that I am my attention?

就是這樣？」

That’s it?”

「就是這樣。嗯，你還以為你是什麼？」

“That’s it. Well, what else did you think you were?”

「嗯，每個普通人背後都有某種更高的本質。」

“Well, there is a certain higher essence that lies behind every ordinary human being.”

「靈魂，是的，自然如此。只是普通人不僅感受不到或聆聽不到他們的靈魂，他們也沒有以智慧的方式完全意識到。

“The soul, yes, naturally. Only your average human being not only does not feel or listen to their soul, they aren’t fully conscious in an intelligent way, either.

以更高的存在化身卻仍然不清楚自己真正是誰有什麼意義？」

What’s the point of incarnating as a higher being and yet remaining unconscious of who you really are?”

「你是什麼意思，不清楚自己真正是誰？」瑪蒂爾達驚訝地說。「這就是我！我是我！」

“What do you mean, unconscious of who you really are?” said Matilda in surprise. “Here I am! I am me!”

「但你只有在問自己這個問題時才是你自己。只有當你把注意力轉向自己，從外部電影或內心的想法中抽離時，你才能成為自己。只有這樣，你才能真正說你是你。其餘的時間，你是一個缺乏意識的電影角色，被電影控制。你沒有意識到自己的存在，因為你無法掌控你的注意力所在。」

“But you are you only when you ask yourself that question. You become yourself only in the moment that you turn your attention to yourself, when you pull it back from the external movie or from your inner thoughts. Only then can you truly say that you are you. The rest of the time, you are a movie character lacking conscious awareness and being controlled by the movie. You aren’t aware of your own being and you can’t be your own authority because you have no authority over where you place your attention.”

「無論是在睡夢中還是清醒時？」 「是的，這沒有區別。」

“Both in sleeping and in waking?” “Yes, it makes no difference.”

「真糟糕！確實如此！芙蒂，我們已經討論過這個主題很多次了，但我仍然無法完全理解。」

“Sux! Exactly! Futi, we’ve discussed this theme many times now, but I still can’t get my head round it.”

「我知道，這有點簡單又複雜。」 「對。我會試著理清它。

“I know, it’s kind of simple and complicated at the same time.” “Right. I’ll try and unscramble it.

當我在睡覺而不知道自己在睡覺時，我是由夢引導的電影角色。我無法控制我的注意力。它完全沉浸在夢中。

When I’m asleep and not aware that I’m sleeping, I am a movie character led by the dream. I have no control over my attention. It’s totally immersed in the dream.

當我突然明白我在睡覺時，我在夢中醒來，並且有可能在夢中清醒地生活，觀察甚至影響夢的事件進程。我掌控著我的注意力所在。只要我失去這種控制，我就會再次忘記我在睡覺。我忘記了自己，迷失了自己。

When I suddenly understand that I am sleeping, I wake up inside the dream and can potentially live lucidly within the dream, observing and even influencing the course of the dream’s events. I am in control of where my attention goes. As soon as I lose that control, I forget again that I am sleeping. I forget myself and I lose myself.

當我在清醒的生活中忘記自己時，我也會變成電影角色。我的注意力不是我自己的。它沉浸在電影中，而電影正在控制我。

And when I forget myself in waking life, I transform into a movie character, too. My attention is not my own. It’s immersed in the movie and the movie is controlling me.

所以，這意味著我的『我』就是我的注意力？當我的注意力是我自己的時，我就是我，但當我的注意力沉浸在某物中時，從某種意義上說，我就不存在。只有我沉浸的電影存在。

So, that means that my ‘I’ is my attention? When my attention is my own, I am me, but when my attention is immersed in something, in a sense, I don’t exist. Only the movie I’m immersed in exists.

芙蒂！現在我明白了！當我在睡覺時，就像沒有我一樣。就像我迷失在一種遺忘的狀態中！而清醒的生活也是如此。我經常無意識地行動，像個自動機，就好像那不是我，而是一個電影角色。所以，結果是，我大部分時間都像電影中的角色一樣生活？這真糟糕！真糟糕，我是說真的！」

Futi! Now I get it! When I’m asleep, it is like there’s no me. It is like I’m lost in a state of forgetting! And waking life is the same. I often act unconsciously, on automaton, as if it weren’t really me but a movie character. So, it turns out, I’m living like a character in a movie most of the time? That really sucks! It sucks, I mean really!”

「沒錯，蒂莉。」伊特夫特說。「你就是你的注意力。你要麼是有意識的觀察者，要麼是電影角色，這取決於你把注意力放在自己內部還是外部。」

“That’s right, Tili.” said Itfut. “You are your attention. And you are either a conscious observer or a movie character depending on where you focus your attention, within yourself or not within yourself.”

「難以置信！我終於明白了！」

“Unbelievable! I get it, finally!”

「是的，我們至少能夠時不時地醒來並有意識地覺察。但華麗搖滾人偶無法說『我是我』，因為他們的注意力牢牢地陷在夢境或電影中。」

“Yes, we are at least capable of waking up and being consciously aware from time to time. But there’s no way the glamrocks can say, ‘I am me’ because their attention is firmly entrenched in the dream, or the movie.”

「哦，天哪！我們要怎麼向我們的野蠻人解釋這一切？」 「哈哈哈！向他們解釋這個是完全不可能的。連你都不是馬上就理解了。而你很聰明，瑪蒂爾達；但他們是模型人偶。你看出區別了。」

“Oh, God! And how are we going to explain all this to our savages?” “Ha, ha, ha! There’s zero chance of explaining it to them. Even you didn’t understand it straight away. And you’re smart, Matilda; but they are mannequins. You see the difference.”

「那我們該怎麼辦？被打敗了嗎？」

“So where does that leave us? Defeated?”

「我們會看看。任務是要以某種方式讓他們的注意力從夢中驚醒。」

“We’ll see. The task is to somehow jolt their attention out of the dream.”

與此同時，隊伍終於到達了目的地。

Meanwhile, the procession had finally arrived at its destination.

L. Oshanin

L. Oshanin

我即我

I Am Me

當天后與女祭司走出來時，眼前的景象讓她們頗為詫異：熊熊篝火與巨大鐵板早已移走，顯然是出於謹慎考量。如今，眾人整齊地橫躺在地上，彷彿在等待著什麼。

When the diva and the priestess went outside, they were met with the following scene: the bonfire and the griddle had been removed. Obviously, for the sake of prudence. Now they were all lying quietly on the ground in a row, as if waiting for something.

「對了！」Matilda雙手叉腰喊道；「對了！」Itfut也以同樣的姿態附和。

“Right!” said Matilda putting her hands on her hips. “Right!” said Itfut doing the same.

她們沿著那排躺著的身軀走去，臉上帶著一絲諷刺與驚奇，細細品味著這奇異的景觀。

They walked along the row of bodies taking in the spectacle with a look of irony and surprise.

「你們都躺著做什麼？」Matilda問道；「親愛的，你們為何臥倒？」Itfut亦隨聲問道。

“What are you all lying down for?” asked Matilda. “Why are you lying down, dear ones?” asked Itfut.

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks) 靜靜地躺著，默默地盯著它們的主人，終於其中一個坐了起來，毫不掩飾地說道：

The glamrocks lay still, following their mistresses with a silent gaze. Eventually, one of them sat up and speaking bluntly, said,

“Mana-fata，親我們一下！”

“Mana-fata, give us a kiss!”

「親我們一下！」其他的紛紛重複。接著傳來：「Mana-fata！Mana-fata！」Itfut愉快地笑著回應，「哈哈哈！是的，馬上就來！」

“Give us a kiss!” the others repeated. “Mana-fata! Mana-fata!” “Ha, ha, ha! Yes, right away!” said Itfut in a cheery voice.

「原來你們就是這麼想的！」Matilda失望地說。

“So that’s what you want!” said Matilda disappointed.

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks) 卻不肯輕易放棄，牠們站起來，四肢著地爬向女祭司；前排的甚至試圖抓住她的裙子，高喊：「Mana-fata！親我們一下！Mana-fata！」

The glamrocks weren’t giving up. They got up and crawled towards the priestess on all fours. Those in the front rows tried to grab hold of her dress. “Mana-fata! Give us a kiss! Mana-fata!”

Itfut閃避了牠們的抓握，迅速退後一步，笑著說：「你們真是太壞了！」

Itfut dodged their grip and took a step backwards. “You’re bad!” she said laughing.

“Mana-fata!”

“Mana-fata!

「你不配！」

“You are not worthy!”

但這譴責絲毫未曾動搖那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)；它們站起身來，蜂擁至女祭司身後，低聲念著不絕於耳的咒語。

But this reproach did not bother the glamrocks; they stood up and thronged behind the priestess droning their continual chant.

“Mana-fata！親我們一下！”

“Mana-fata! Give us a kiss!”

Itfut哈哈大笑著逃離牠們，邊跑邊說：「哈哈哈，不行，你們別想了！」

Itfut ran away from them laughing. “Ha-ha-ha, no, you can go without!”

就這樣，這支奇異的隊伍環繞著巨石打轉，Matilda懷著憤慨靜靜地注視著這一幕。

In this manner, the strange procession circled the megalith. Matilda stood watching the action with indignation.

「哎呀，瞧瞧！膽子也真大！他們已經一點也不怕我們了！」

“Well, would you just look! What a cheek! They’re not the least bit afraid of us anymore!”

「停下來！」Itfut停下喘息了一會兒，狡黠地轉向她的朋友，說道：「或許Mana-tida會來親你？」

“Stop!” Ifut paused to catch her breath and turned to her friend with a cunning look. “Perhaps Mana-tida will kiss you?”

「什麼？！」天后驚愕地叫道，「Futi！」

“What?!”said the diva, stunned. “Futi!”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)立刻將注意力轉向第二位 mana，高喊：「Mana-tida！親一個！」

The glamrocks quickly shifted their attention to the second mana. “Мana-tidа! Kiss!”

現在輪到Matilda逃離那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)了。Itfut笑著拍手，看著那隊伍又繞著巨石打起了圈。

Now it was Matilda’s turn to run away from the glamrocks. Itfut laughed and clapped her hands watching the procession making the same circle again.

「立刻停下來！」Matilda大聲喊道，「別再纏著我了！」「Mana-tida！」那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)仍不斷呼喚著。

“Stop that right now!” Matilda shouted. “Leave me alone!” “Мana-tida!” The glamrocks persisted.

最終，當Matilda對這場遊戲感到厭倦後，她轉身面對那些追逐她不放的傢伙，雙臂橫伸，大聲道：「好了，你們全部給我停手！」

Finally, once Matilda had tired of the game, she turned to face her persecutors and threw her arms out to the sides, saying, “Right, stop this, all of you!”

「沒用的光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)！」Itfut附和道。

“Useless glamrocks!”said Itfut joining her.

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)頓時一動不動，滿懷期待地注視著；而天后與女祭司則雙手叉腰，穩穩地站在它們面前。

The glamrocks froze in expectation. The diva and the priestess stood before them with their hands on their hips.

「你忘了那可怕的懲罰嗎？你為什麼要把火熄滅？」Matilda問道。

“Have you forgotten about the terrible punishment?” asked Matilda. “Why did you clear away the fire?” asked Matilda.

「現在我們又得把你們吃掉了！」 「是的，是的，是的，我們會的，我們會的！」

“Now we’re going to have to eat you again!” “Yes, yes, yes, we will, we will!”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks) 自信地低聲嘀咕道：「他們不會那樣做的！他們不會的！」Matilda驚訝地問：「不？為什麼？為什麼不？」

“They won’t! They won’t!” the glamrocks mumbled confidently. “No? Why? Why not?” asked Matilda in surprise.

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks) 回答說：「mana們都很仁慈。」

“Manas are kind,” replied the glamrocks.

Itfut反駁道：「那不是真的。來吧，告訴我們巨大鐵板在哪裡，你們把它弄到哪去了？」

“That’s not true,” Itfut contradicted them. “Come on. Tell us where the griddle is. What have you done with it?”

Matilda說：「既然你們行為如此惡劣，我們只得把你們全吃掉了。」

“Since you are behaving so badly, we are going to have to eat you all.” said Matilda.

Itfut肯定地說：「是的，別無選擇。」

“Yup, no other option,” Itfut confirmed.

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)大聲喊道：「不！不！」

“No! No!” shouted the glamrocks.

Matilda說：「那麼，乖乖聽話吧，你們該做什麼？」 回答是：「讀胡言亂語！」

“Then behave yourselves,” said Matilda. “What must you do?” “Read gibberish!”

「那好，我們現在要學一種全新的胡言亂語了。」

“Well, now we’re going to learn a new kind of gibberish.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)熱烈地喊道：「Mana-tida-jenka! Mana-tida-jenka!」 並喊道：「我們受邀共舞了！」

“Mana-tida-jenka! Mana-tida-jenka!” the glamrocks shouted livening up. “We are being invited to dance!”

「不，letkajenkha是用來娛樂的；而這全新的胡言亂語則富有教育意義。這才更大、更好！大家聽好了！」

“No, letkajenkha was for entertainment. This new gibberish is educational. That’s bigger, that’s better! Listen up.”

天后擺出戲劇化的姿態，雙臂高舉，開始朗誦以下詩句：

The diva assumed a theatrical pose, raised her arms and began to recite the following lines:

「願陽光永遠常駐！」

“May there always be sunshine!”

還未等她繼續，天空上方就出現了一輪閃亮的太陽盤。正如我們之前所提到的，在元現實（meta-reality）中，天空充滿光芒卻無真正的太陽。而此刻，連天后與女祭司在內的所有人都驚嘆不已，一切都如應然般完美。

Before she could continue, a shining solar disk appeared in the sky above them. The sky in meta-reality, as we mentioned before, had light but no sun. And now to everyone’s amazement, including the diva and the priestess, everything was as it should be.

「Tili，你總是出人意料。」Itfut輕聲低語道，「那是你剛才用的弓嗎？」 「Futi，我和你一樣驚訝呢！」Matilda也輕聲回道。

“Tili, you’re full of surprises.” Itfut whispered. “Was that your bow again?” “Futi, I’m just as surprised as you are!” Matilda whispered back.

「在這裡，我們得對觸發桿（trigger-lever）和我們的期望特別小心。」 「我記得，或者說，其實我忘了，完全是偶然發生的。」

“We have to be careful here with the trigger-lever and our expectations.” “I remember. Or rather, I forgot. It was purely accidental.”

「好吧，好吧，也許這樣是最好的，但你還是要小心。」

“Okay, okay, maybe it’s for the best. But be careful.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)以熱烈的驚嘆聲迎接這奇蹟般的景象。

The glamrocks greeted the miracle with enthusiastic exclamations.

“Aba! Aba!”接著齊聲高喊：“Mana-tida! Mana the great!”

“Aba! Aba!” And then in one voice, “Маna-tida! Mana the great!”

Matilda命令道：「住手！站起來！」隨後又改口，「不對，請坐下。大家都坐下。」

“Stop that! Stand up!” Matilda commanded. “Actually no,sit down. Sit down everyone.”

天后與女祭司坐在一塊大岩石上，四周則由那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)圍成一個半圓。

The diva and the priestess sat down on a large boulder and the glamrocks arranged themselves in a semicircle on the ground around it.

Matilda說：「我們都是偉大的 mana。」 「你們必須服從我們。」 隨後，眾人齊聲應道：「是的！是的！我們會服從！」

“We are both great manas.” said Matilda. “And you must obey us.” “Yes! Yes! We will obey!”

「但你們也可以成為 mana。」

“But you can be manas too.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)驚訝地連聲重複：「怎麼可能？怎麼可能？」隨後又補充道：「我們，偉大的 mana，會教你們的。」

“How can that be? How can that be?” The glamrocks repeated in surprise. “We, the great manas will teach you.”

Itfut說：「是的，你們會成為 mana，甚至能互相親吻。」 「我們真的可以嗎？我們真的可以嗎？」

“Yes, you will become manas and be able to kiss each other,” said Itfut. “Can we really? Can we really?”

Matilda說：「是的，是的，難道我沒教你們怎麼讀這封信嗎？」 「是的，是的！我們讀了信！」

“Yes, yes” said Matilda. “Didn’t I teach you to read the letter?” “Yes, yes! We read the letter!”

「那麼，請聽這全新的胡言亂語。」這次，Matilda坐下來，不再揮舞雙手，而是平靜地說出以下幾句：

“Then listen to the new gibberish.” This time, sitting and without waving her hands about, Matilda spoke the following.

「願陽光永遠常駐！願藍天永遠明媚，願媽媽永遠陪伴，願我永遠做我自己。」

“May there always be sunshine! May there always be blue skies, May there always be mama, May I always be me.”¹

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)齊聲重複：「願mana永遠存在！願mana永遠存在！」

“May there always be mana! May there always be mana!” the glamrocks repeated.

「不是 mana，而是 ‘mama’，」Matilda糾正道，「現在從頭到尾重複這胡言亂語。」

“Not mana, ‘mama’,” Matilda corrected them. “Now repeat the gibberish from the beginning to the end.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)努力重複著這些詞語，雖然全體合唱，但卻跑了調。

The glamrocks tried diligently to reproduce the words. They managed it in chorus but out of tune.

「願陽光永遠常駐！願藍天永遠明媚，願mana永遠存在，願我永遠存在。」

“May there always be sunshine! May there always be blue skies, May there always be mana, May there always be Me.”

「笨蛋！你們難道沒有一個 mama 嗎？應該說‘願我永遠做我自己’，而不是‘願我永遠存在’。再試一次。」

“Idiots! You do have a mama, right? It should be, ‘May I always be me’, not ‘May there always be me.’ Try it again.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)固執地以它們獨特的方式重複著這韻律。

The glamrocks stubbornly repeated the rhyme in their own style.

Matilda說：「好吧，如果你們這麼喜歡那個 mana，就按你們的方式來，但你們必須說‘願我永遠做我自己’。這才是最重要性 的部分。」

“Okay, let it be mana if you like it so much,” said Matilda. “But you have to say, ‘May I always be me.’ That’s the most important bit.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)露出困惑的神色，彼此小聲議論後，其中一個走上前問道：「‘Me’是誰？他在哪裡？mana們能給我們看看嗎？」

The glamrocks were confused. They conferred a little between themselves after which one of them came forward and asked, “Who is ‘Me’? Where is he? Can manas show us?”

Matilda說：「好，過來。告訴我，你是誰？」

“Right,” said Matilda. “Come here. Tell me, who are you?”

那位走上前的回答：「我們是光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)。」「我們讀胡言亂語，而且我們也讀了那封信！Aba!」

“We are glamrocks,” the one who had come forward said. “We read gibberish. And we read the letter! Aba!”

Matilda指著其他人說：「他們都是光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)，而總體來說，你們就是光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)。但你們究竟是誰？」

“They are glamrocks,” said Matilda pointing to the others. “And altogether, you are glamrocks. But who are you?”

「我們是光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)……」那個模特兒重複道，神情和其他人一樣困惑。

“We are glamrocks...” The mannequin repeated just as puzzled as the others.

Itfut說：「Tili，他們不懂。他們沒有自己的‘Self’；而且也沒有 mama。他們不過是模特兒，人類的模型。」

“Tili, they don’t understand. They don’t have their own ‘Self’,” said Itfut. “And they don’t have a mama either. They’re mannequins, models of human beings.”

「好吧，看看我怎麼問她。」Matilda轉身面對女祭司，問道：「你是誰？」

“Okay. Watch how I ask her.” Matilda turned to face the priestess. “Who are you?”

Itfut回答：「我是 Mana-fata。現在輪到你問我了。」

“I’m Mana-fata.” replied Itfut. “Now you ask me.”

Itfut問道：「你是誰？」

“Who are you?” asked Itfut.

「我是 Mana-tida。你懂嗎？」Matilda現對那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)這樣說道。「是的！是的！」那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)齊聲回答，「你們是 mana！」

“I’m Mana-tida. You understand?” said Matilda addressing the glamrocks now. “Yes! Yes!” answered the glamrocks in unison. “You are manas!”

「現在輪到我問你了。」Matilda轉身對著再次走上前的模特兒問道，「你是誰？」

“Now I’m going to ask you.” Matilda turned to face the mannequin who had stood forward again. “Who are you?”

「我們是光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)！」他回答。

“We are glamrocks!” he answered.

「這真讓人絕望，Tili。」Itfut說道。

“This is hopeless, Tili.” said Itfut.

「不，我才不會就這樣放棄呢！」Matilda沉吟片刻後說，「咱們帶他們去鏡子那邊，讓他們看看自己。和此同時，我們再問問他們懂些什麼。」

“No. I’m not giving up just like that!” Matilda thought for a minute. “Let’s take them to the mirror. Let them look at themselves. We can ask them what they know about it at the same time.”

「當然，我很好奇。」

“Yes, of course, let’s. I’m curious.”

「聽著！」Matilda對著那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)說，「我們現在要去鏡子那邊。你們以前去過嗎？知道鏡子是什麼嗎？」

“Listen!” said Matilda addressing the glamrocks. “We are going to the mirror now. Have you ever been there before? Do you know what it is?”

「我們不認識什麼鏡子，」那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)回答，「那是什麼？」

“We don’t know any mirror,” answered the glamrocks. “What is it?”

「那就是鏡子。那邊有大海和棕櫚樹，就在那邊！」Matilda指向她與Itfut曾試圖穿透那道無形牆壁的方向。

“The mirror. There’s sea and palm trees. Over there!” Matilda pointed in the direction of the spot where she and Itfut had tried to penetrate the invisible wall.

「世界邊緣！世界邊緣！」那些野蠻人驚叫著，「不允許去那裡！不允許！Aboo！」

“The edge of the world! The edge of the world!” the savages cried in alarm. “Not allowed to go there! Not allowed! Aboo!”

「跟我們一起去就可以了。」Matilda安慰他們道，「我們是偉大的 mana。我們會帶你們去的。」

“You can with us, though.” Matilda reassured them. “We are the great manas. We will take you there.”

那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)猶豫不決地左右換腳站著，他們很難克服心中的那股‘Aboo’恐懼。

The glamrocks shifted indecisively from one foot to another. It wasn’t easy for them to overcome their ‘aboo’.

「你們想成為 mana，對吧？」Itfut問，「是的，是的，我們想！」

“You want to become manas, don’t you?” Itfut asked. “Yes, yes, we do!”

「那麼，你們就必須跟上來。」

“Then you must come.”

Matilda以威嚴的語氣強調道：「你們必須，你們必須！你們將成為 mana，而且會充滿活力。不，你們不僅僅只是充滿，而是要變得非凡！這才更大、更好。Aba!」

“You must, you must!” Matilda emphasized in her authoritative manner. “You’ll become manas, and you’ll be full. No, you won’t simply be full, you’ll be wonderful! That’s bigger, that’s better. Aba!”

「Aba!」 那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)受到激勵，高聲喊道：「Aba!」

“Aba!” the glamrocks shouted, inspired.

達成共識後，整個隊伍便朝著那個我們暫且稱之為鏡子的元物件方向出發。在途中，天后與女祭司抓住機會交流意見。

The agreement was reached, and the entire procession set off in the direction of the meta-object which we, in the absence of any other definition, had called a mirror. Along the way, the diva and the priestess took the opportunity to confer.

「Tili，有什麼想法？你打算怎麼做？」Itfut問道。

“Tili, any ideas? What do you plan to do?” asked Itfut.

「咱們就把他們擺在鏡子前，讓他們看看自己，」Matilda回答道。

“We’ll stand them in front of the mirror, let them look at themselves,” answered Matilda.

「不過這方法未必奏效。照鏡子看見自己，與發現內心的‘Self’可不是一回事。」

“That might not work, though. Seeing yourself in a mirror isn’t the same thing as discovering a sense of inner ‘Self’.”

「你的意思是？」

“What do you mean?”

「我們之前討論過這事——電影裡的角色與觀察者，還記得嗎？」 「啊！是的，那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)純粹只是角色。」

“We talked about it before, the movie characters and the observers, remember?” “Ah! Yes, the glamrocks are pure characters.”

「正是如此，他們沒有自己的‘Self’。或者說，正因為如此——他們沒有‘Self’，才注定只能作為角色存在。」

“Exactly, they don’t have their own ‘Self’. Or the opposite may be true: they don’t have their own ‘Self’ which is why they are characters.”

「不過‘Self’究竟是什麼呢？我的意思是，我可以說我就是我，我就是自己，但那個‘Self’究竟到底代表什麼？」

“What is the Self, though? I mean, I can say that I am me, I am myself, but what is that ‘Self’ exactly?”

「那簡單來說，就是你的覺知，你的注意力。」 「我還是不太明白。」

“It’s simply your awareness, your attention.” “I don’t get it.”

「那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)之所以沒有自己的‘Self’，正是因為他們的注意力完全集中在那部電影中，成了其中的一部分；作為角色，他們缺乏自覺。從某種角度來看，我們在夢境中也會變成這樣的角色——彷彿身處迷霧或狂亂中，因完全投入夢境而無法察覺‘Self’。然而，一旦我們記起‘Self’——也就是說，一旦我們開始掌控自己的注意力，就會在夢中「醒」過來，或者從睡眠中醒覺。」

“The glamrocks don’t have their own ‘Self’ because their attention is totally immersed in the movie, they’re a part of. As characters, they lack conscious awareness. In a way, we become this kind of character when we dream. It’s as if we are in a fog or a delirium, unaware of the ‘Self’ because we are fully immersed in the dream. And yet the moment we remember ‘Self’, that is, the moment we take control of where we are placing our attention, we wake up in the dream, or we wake from sleep.”

「Tufti-Tufti! 女祭司-女祭司!」 Matilda驚呼，「看來你的記憶完全恢復了？」

“Tufti-Tufti! Priestess-priestess!” exclaimed Matilda. “Looks like your memory is completely restored?”

「嘘，Ilit，不完全，還沒有，不過有時我確實會想起師父教過我的那些東西。」

“Shush, Ilit, not quite, not yet but there are times when I remember the things my Teacher taught me.”

「你又用那種極其非凡的方式講述簡單的道理！我從未這樣思考過。所以，這意味著我就是我的注意力？」

“You’re talking about simple things in the most extraordinary manner again! I never thought of it all like that before. So, that means that I am my attention?

「就是這樣？」

That’s it?”

「就是這樣。那麼，你以為你還是什麼呢？」

“That’s it. Well, what else did you think you were?”

「嗯，每一個普通人身後都有一種更高層次的本質存在。」

“Well, there is a certain higher essence that lies behind every ordinary human being.”

「靈魂，當然。只是一般人不僅無法感受到或聆聽他們的靈魂，連那份以智慧方式的全然清醒也缺失。」

“The soul, yes, naturally. Only your average human being not only does not feel or listen to their soul, they aren’t fully conscious in an intelligent way, either.

「那作為一個高層次存在轉世而卻對自己真實本質全然不覺察，又有何意義？」

What’s the point of incarnating as a higher being and yet remaining unconscious of who you really are?”

Matilda驚訝地說：「你所謂的對自己真實本質毫無覺知是什麼意思？我就在這裡！我就是我！」

“What do you mean, unconscious of who you really are?” said Matilda in surprise. “Here I am! I am me!”

「只有當你自問‘我究竟是誰？’那一刻，你才真正成為你自己；只有當你從那外在的影像或內在紛雜思緒中收回注意力，專注於自我時，你才能確知‘我’的存在。其餘的時候，你僅僅是個失去自覺、被影像操控的電影角色，既不認識自己的存在，也無法成為自己的主宰，因為你無法掌控你所投射的注意力。」

“But you are you only when you ask yourself that question. You become yourself only in the moment that you turn your attention to yourself, when you pull it back from the external movie or from your inner thoughts. Only then can you truly say that you are you. The rest of the time, you are a movie character lacking conscious awareness and being controlled by the movie. You aren’t aware of your own being and you can’t be your own authority because you have no authority over where you place your attention.”

「無論是在睡夢中還是清醒時，都一樣？」 「是的，毫無分別。」

“Both in sleeping and in waking?” “Yes, it makes no difference.”

「真糟糕！對啊！Futi，我們已經討論過這個主題無數次，但我還是無法完全理解。」

“Sux! Exactly! Futi, we’ve discussed this theme many times now, but I still can’t get my head round it.”

「我知道，這既簡單又複雜。」 「沒錯，我試著把它理清楚。」

“I know, it’s kind of simple and complicated at the same time.” “Right. I’ll try and unscramble it.

「當我睡著且未意識到自己在睡時，我就成了一個任由夢境牽引的電影角色；我對自己的注意力毫無掌控，完全集中在夢中。」

When I’m asleep and not aware that I’m sleeping, I am a movie character led by the dream. I have no control over my attention. It’s totally immersed in the dream.

「而當我突然意識到自己正在睡夢中時，我便能在夢中清醒過來，有可能實現明覺夢境，旁觀甚至影響夢中事件的發展；我可以掌控自己的注意力去向，但一旦失去這掌控，我又會忘記自己在睡著，忘記自我，迷失自己。」

When I suddenly understand that I am sleeping, I wake up inside the dream and can potentially live lucidly within the dream, observing and even influencing the course of the dream’s events. I am in control of where my attention goes. As soon as I lose that control, I forget again that I am sleeping. I forget myself and I lose myself.

「同樣地，當我在清醒生活中忘卻了自我，我也會變成電影中的一個角色；我的注意力不屬於我自己，而是完全沉浸在電影當中，任由電影操縱我。」

And when I forget myself in waking life, I transform into a movie character, too. My attention is not my own. It’s immersed in the movie and the movie is controlling me.

「那是否意味著，我的‘我’就是我的注意力？當我的注意力屬於我時，我就是真正的我；但當它沉浸於某件事物中時，從某種意義上說，我便不存在，只剩下那電影的存在。」

So, that means that my ‘I’ is my attention? When my attention is my own, I am me, but when my attention is immersed in something, in a sense, I don’t exist. Only the movie I’m immersed in exists.

「Futi！我現在懂了！當我睡著時，就像根本沒有‘我’一樣，彷彿陷入了忘卻的狀態；而清醒時亦是如此，我常常像機器人般不自覺地行動，彷彿我不是我自己，而只是一個電影角色。也就是說，我大部分時間都像電影裡的角色在生活？這真是糟透了！簡直太爛了，真的是！」

Futi! Now I get it! When I’m asleep, it is like there’s no me. It is like I’m lost in a state of forgetting! And waking life is the same. I often act unconsciously, on automaton, as if it weren’t really me but a movie character. So, it turns out, I’m living like a character in a movie most of the time? That really sucks! It sucks, I mean really!”

Itfut說：「對了，Tili。你就是你的注意力，而你是否成為一個自覺的觀察者或只是一個被操縱的電影角色，取決於你將注意力放在你自己內在還是外在。」

“That’s right, Tili.” said Itfut. “You are your attention. And you are either a conscious observer or a movie character depending on where you focus your attention, within yourself or not within yourself.”

「難以置信！我終於明白了！」

“Unbelievable! I get it, finally!”

「是的，我們至少能不時清醒過來並有意識地覺察自己；但那些光彩耀人的玩物 (glamrocks)根本無法說‘我就是我’，因為他們的注意力早已牢牢沉浸在夢境或那部電影之中。」

“Yes, we are at least capable of waking up and being consciously aware from time to time. But there’s no way the glamrocks can say, ‘I am me’ because their attention is firmly entrenched in the dream, or the movie.”

「哦，天啊！那我們該如何向我們的野蠻人解釋這一切？」 「哈哈哈！根本沒法兒向他們解釋，即便你也不是一下子就理解的。而你聰明，Matilda；但他們只是模特兒（mannequins），你看出其中的差別了。」

“Oh, God! And how are we going to explain all this to our savages?” “Ha, ha, ha! There’s zero chance of explaining it to them. Even you didn’t understand it straight away. And you’re smart, Matilda; but they are mannequins. You see the difference.”

「那我們究竟該如何自處？是注定要失敗嗎？」

“So where does that leave us? Defeated?”

「我們拭目以待。任務在於如何讓他們的注意力從夢境中猛然甦醒。」

“We’ll see. The task is to somehow jolt their attention out of the dream.”

與此同時，隊伍終於抵達了目的地。

Meanwhile, the procession had finally arrived at its destination.

L. Oshanin

L. Oshanin